A4P Guest: I read most of your articles but your last two articles about kissing changed my life forever! Thank you!

Now it is getting very hard for me to convince my girlfriend for her to embrace God’s standard of sexual purity. I told her to read some of your articles. She liked your page and read some and unliked your page the next day. I don’t know what to do?

A4P: You know, sometimes it takes time for all of us to take the Truth of God to heart and make it ours. We all need time to process it through. Sometimes we struggle and try to defend our side of the story. We may quote Bible verse here and there and try to give million excuses and explanations why we are right. And most of the time, we know that we are wrong but we do it anyways because we need time to let go to what we hold on to for years. And that my dear is not easy to do for all of us as it is for you.

The good news is the Truth of God patiently waits for us, unwaveringly. It changes us but no one and nothing can change it!

So, give her time. Approach her in love and respect. Try to understand why she is saying what she is saying. You see, we usually don’t choose sexual immorality because we are sexually immoral people but we have deep seated unresolved issues, hurts and pains which we bring with us wherever we go. We may be struggling with low self-esteem; inferiority and/or superiority complex, we may not know how to give and receive love; we might be rejected as a child and we fear being rejected as adults and the only way for us to make sure that one is not going to reject us is by taking control of the sexual side of life. So, bear with her. Don’t preach to her. Make sure you stand on your ground but not in a judgmental way. Be open to try to understand her. Listen to her heart and mind. However never try to comfort her by giving her what she is asking you. Stand your ground!

A4P Guest: Let me tell you more about our issue so that you will have a good understanding of what is going on. I’m not new to your page. I’ve been following you for the last seven months. My girlfriend and I were sexually active. We both go to church. She is in choir and I help out in the music department. The first day I read one of your articles about sex before marriage, I got convicted. I read it while I was at work. I couldn’t wait until I went home and I cried before God. I knew that day what has been destroying my life. I wanted to glorify my God in my sexual life. So, I called her and told her about your page. She read the article I read and she said, “she is writing what she thinks is right. She is entitled to her opinion. What is a big deal about that? We can’t put God in a box and say, sex before marriage is a sin.”

I was about to hung up the phone but I knew I shouldn’t act that way. I realized that she was not convicted but I told her that I wanted to stay away from sex. We were not doing sex every day or anything but like once a month. She was very upset with me. After that we never had sex but we continued kissing and everything else. I knew it was wrong but I felt like I needed to do it for her and I didn’t know how to tell her that it was wrong.

Now, after reading your article about kissing, I told her that I wanted to stop kissing and petting too. She was very upset with me.. She even said, “Is this woman your God or you are still following the God of the Bible? If you are following the God of the Bible, then God is not against love.” She always thinks that she knows everything about God and the Bible.

Right now, even seeing her makes me nervous. I feel like I am losing my relationship with Christ whenever I am with her. I think I am at the crossroad where I need to choose one road since I can’t take both. Do you think I am right to think that way?

A4P: It is a very sad reality. Yes, I believe you are right to think that. I think you have to let the girl go but don’t just shut her off. Tell her that you decided to move on with your life without her. Your decision may quicken something in her. I hope she won’t fake conviction but she may be willing to listen to you. Don’t force her to like my page. That won’t usually work. Instead, make the door open for her. Let her know that you still care about her. Tell her that you can be reached at the Cross of Jesus Christ and of course you make sure that you stay there. If she comes to you, she is yours brother! If she says “Good-bye,” let her go.

Oh, what a sad story! Many women out there are crying to convince their boyfriends to stay away from pre-marital sex; not the other way around. Yours is exceptional but not unique! Anyways, good luck my brother; and remember this: “If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you.” 1 Peter 4:14. ///

Just because a girl loves to death the man she is in a relationship with doesn’t mean that she is his wife. She is still one of the girls who have a potential to be his wives.

So, whenever you find a girl who acts as if she is married to a man she is seeing, if you find her saying things like, "We usually like to eat steak on the same plate," make sure you lovingly pull her on a side and advise her like this:

"Don’t be foolish my Sista. You ain’t his wife and don’t act like one. Rather put distance between you and this man so that you encourage him to take the next step, the step to make you not one of the girls but the only girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Once he is yours legally and biblically, then you can even say, "We don’t like to drink from separate coffee mugs."

Isn’t the last statement sweet when it comes from a married girl who refers to her relationship with her husband! I’m telling you! It is just sweet! It is like listening to one of King Solomon’s beautiful and romantic love songs! And when we hear that, we tend to say to her, "Please say it one more time because it is sweet to our ears and pure and holy to our eyes! But when we hear it from a single and "in a relationship" girl, – – – – ///

Okay, for those of you who missed my message I presented to the IEEC at DC on Sunday, Aug 17, here is the YouTube link. A brother of mine inbox me yesterday (thank you my dear!). And, I want to share it with you all.

I watched this three times and I learned something about myself, all over again, lol. I am not a linguistic person. Period! It doesn’t matter whether I speak in Amharic or English. My grammar and sentence structure are out of the window. No good vocabulary! Frustrating!

The thing is, I believe God put His message in my heart and I want to communicate that message with the whole world. So, whether I am a linguistic person or not; whether I mess up grammars and sentences in a weird way or not, I won’t stop speaking and writing the message. Don’t you think that is a good decision? May the LORD help me to keep it!

And praise be to the LORD because I heard from many people last Sunday that they got the message. So, I rejoice with that.

The one common comment which keeps coming is this: "Please speak pure Amharic!" I got that and to tell you the truth, I am trying my best. I only flip over to the English language when I get nervous. And remember, the topic I’m trying to address is a very tough one to find a right Amharic word for. In the future, I will correct many things.

But, for now, please, when you notice a mistake or two, just forgive me and pass on to the next one and try to get the message. I love to hear from you though. There is only one mistake I find it hard to forgive myself for, i.e. I said, "I also teach parents how to train their kids in the area of sexual purity and sexual immorality."

For crying out loud, how can one train a child in the area of sexual immorality???? I know I was thinking of saying "teaching kids what sexual purity and immorality is all about" but I didn’t say it that way. I wish I had full authority on this video so that I could have edited it. Anyways, here is the "unedited version" on YouTube.

They cut out the first part where my husband was officially "releasing" me to the Work of God. I have the unedited DVD. So, I will clip that out and post it in the future. That clip has "unparalleled" and timeless message to this generation and the generation to come.

BTW, they wrote my name as Dr. Meskerem Kifetew but my correct name is: Dr. Meskerem Tadesse Kifetew.

So, here we go:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVRnrlZZInI&sns=tw

Pouting, they ask, “What do you mean kissing is a sin?”

I have received some messages in my inbox yesterday referring to my post titled “Issue of kissing, AGAIN!”

Some of the messages sound like this:

“I hate what you’re writing. I love and enjoy kissing my girlfriend. Now, you spoiled it for me.”

Some of them sound like, “What? What are you talking about? Kissing is a sin? What is next? Where is my freedom in Jesus? Are you making up stories and making us all feel bad for enjoying our boyfriends’ lips?”

I know, it is sometimes annoying to hear messages like that, isn’t it? Trust me, I was there once and it can be upsetting but it is upsetting only when we don’t know the plan and purpose of God behind all those “Don’ts.”

Remember, all those things God said “don’t,” are there for our own goodness. God wants to make our marital kissing and sex to be lasting, fulfilling and pleasurable ones as He planned and purposed it. Do you know that most married couples don’t kiss? Yes, they don’t and do you wonder why? I will come back to that some other time. For now, let me stay on the issue at hand.

So, kissing gives gratification closer to sex since it touches our brain part called “a reward center.” My Dear, anything which touches that part of our brain wants to linger around and we, rightly so, want it to linger around. Duh! It is our gratification center. And kissing touches that part of the brain and we won’t let it go without furious fight. When we are told that kissing before marriage can severe our relationship with Christ, we start to quote Bible verses to try to justify our action, even if we deep down know that we are wrong. That action is called “addiction,” fighting to keep the action regardless of its destructive consequence to our life.

So, for those of you who are still struggling to swallow the truth about kissing before marriage, let me take another side to explain it.

CAUTION: Make sure you keep anybody who is younger than 13 years old away from this.

So, when the lips of one man and one woman meet, they trigger the sex engine of their body. How?

Well, there are nerves on the top of their lips. These nerves are similar to the nerves which are found on their private parts. Their job is: At the moment of contact with other lips (or private parts – in the case of sex), they send a message to the brain saying, “Sex is on the way; so send all the sexual hormones to the whole body so that the body gets ready to receive sex.”

Those hormones shut off (or make it cloudy) all the logical and reasoning part of the brain (it is by perfect design of God – this step of sex in the marriage works beautifully, but outside marriage, this step by itself destroys one’s life). Those hormones lubricate their private parts to receive the upcoming sexual act. Those hormones also increase the heartbeat of the couple and increase their blood pressure which is very important step for the engorgement of their private parts for the anticipated sex.

As they exchange saliva through kissing, sexual hormones get secreted in the body and work aggressively for the body to get a relief from the heightened sexual desire through orgasmic release.

REMEMBER, SEX IS NOT PERFORMED YET! ONLY KISSING!

Worldly people go on with the step and finish it with THE actual sexual act BUT born again Christians who choose to take all the steps up to this point, BUT SAY “SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE IS SIN,” go to their separate ways without finishing their steamy moment with the very last step which is sex. (Little did they know that they already stumbled and fell from their sexual purity.)

Well, after those unmarried couple kissed, their body doesn’t let go. It demands sex because of the notorious sexual hormones which are already been secreted in their body. Depending on their exposure to sexual scenes and how much they are given over or yield to sexual temptations, some men will have orgasm during kissing. But some men masturbate before or after the date. Most women get relief through “steamy dream” or will have an orgasmic like experience during kissing or they too turn to masturbation. (Reason? Kissing!)

Does anyone out there want me to go on explaining how kissing is considered as a sin because it is “an appetizer for sex” (foreplay) or as I usually like to name it as a “mini-sex?”

Remember, God is not against our sexual gratification! GOD IS FOR GOOD SEX! But God never rejoices when He sees His children do things which hurt them. Sex and/or mini-sex outside marriage hurts us REAL BAD because it is not designed to be practiced outside marriage. Don’t see marriage as an issue of a legal paper (or a political agenda). My Dear, marriage is a spiritual institution set by God. No vows made before man and God, no marriage. No marriage, no God’s blessing in the sex and mini-sex. No God’s blessing, it is hell on earth!

If you still struggle to accept the truth about kissing before marriage, my advice for you is this: Love Christ! Strive to know and love Him! Baptize in His Word and Spirit! Spend time in prayer and read and meditate the Word. Soak yourself in Him! Don’t concentrate on do’s and don’ts but concentrate on knowing Him. Then as the Bible says,

"As for you, the anointing you received from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you.” 1 John 2:27a

This doesn’t mean that you don’t need to read books or go to church to learn about God and His Word but what it means is when one teaches you according to the Word and Spirit of God, you don’t need any explanation. You take it as it is because the anointing is on you!

Sometimes from the questions I’ve received, I sometimes wonder if the person who wrote those questions is familiar with the Word of God or not.

Please, Beloved, especially before we quote a Bible verse; we need to make sure that we know what it says. We need to read that same verse in different Bible translations; and cross reference it so that we can understand it thoroughly, then let’s quote it in our writings so that we make a strong point.

Yes, kissing before marriage is considered as sexual immorality. What the world says, what other giant Christian leaders say about this issue won’t change this truth. What matters the most for me personally is the unchanging Truth of God which looks me squarely in the eyes. The rest, including my thinking and reasoning which doesn’t agree with the Truth of God, I consider them all as FOOLISHNESS AND RUBBISH BECAUSE THEY ARE! ///

A4P Guest: “What do you think of homosexuality?”

A4P: Direct answer for your question is – I don’t think anything about homosexuality. I’m not sure what you’re trying to ask me and I don’t want to assume anything. If you have a specific question, state it clearly; for example: “Can I be a homosexual and be a born again Christian?” Or “I have strong same sex attraction and what do I need to do about it?” or something like that. Continue reading Question of Identity →

She took a short walk around the campus as if the walk would sooth her pain. But it didn’t. She wanted to share her pain with someone but who would be that someone? Nobody!

Then she said, “Let me write it down,” remembering what her psychology teacher said how writing helps release mental tension. Continue reading “- – – but I am a woman” →

The natural desire of a girl to be wanted, needed, desired and pursued by a man is a very strong desire. Sometimes this desire can be so strong that it forces a girl to create a reality that doesn’t really exist.

If she doesn’t master self-control over her desire, sometimes the desire itself may make the girl act flirtatiously towards a man and she may end up saying something like:

“We were chatting about something silly and he suddenly kissed me.”

You know, men are naturally scared of women. I know that sounds an “up-side-down,” kind of statement, doesn’t it?

Well, men are not scared of women, fearing that she would chop their heads off with one karate kick (as it is portrayed on the movies – laughing matter).

Oh, no, they are not scared of women that way. If mentally and emotionally matured men are confronted by a woman who threatens them physically, they run away from her as if they were cowards. It is not like they are scared of her or anything but they are scared of themselves because if they respond back to her physically, they know that they will end up checking her out from this life with only one blow and they don’t want to do that. How nice!

I’m not talking about that kind of “camouflaged fear”.

Men are scared of a woman in the area of romance. Note: I’m not addressing here those men who are rapists, pedophilia, lunatics and similar group of people. Rather, I’m addressing here those normal and healthy men we usually meet in our day to day life, like in our church, school, work area, family and friends’ gathering.

Well, the one thing a man dreads to experience is to be rejected by a woman; a woman looking at him with contempt as if to say to him, “Do you call yourself a man? Do you think you are my match?”

He can’t take that “blow” very lightly because when a man pursues a woman, he pretty much puts “all his eggs in one basket”. He presents who he is, what he knows and doesn’t know, his looks, what he can and can’t do for that woman to look at and accept or reject. If he honestly pursues her with all his being, and if she rejects him, he gets hurt to the core of himself. If he pursues her “as-a-matter-of-factly” and she rejects his request, he moves on to the next one. But if he seriously pursues her, he gets crashed. He takes her rejection as if she rejected him as a person, as a man and a human being. And fear of that kind of experience can seriously keep some men away from approaching a woman.

Some men so hate this experience more than anything that they choose not to pursue a woman and sometimes they end up marrying a woman who pretty much pursues and kidnaps them.

So often a man tends to approach a woman he is interested in with caution. He first picks the cue from the girl from very far away. If she gives him “a green light”, he takes swift step to move very quickly.

Without the cue, Beloved, no man jumps and kisses a girl. Do you read that?

So when a girl comes and says, “I know this kissing and passionate touching stuff are sinful before marriage but yesterday when I was with a guy, he suddenly kissed me,” I smile.

I wonder if she is saying, “The man couldn’t resist himself. I’m so beautiful that his self-control ability was out of whack and he was all over me.”

I know that is a kind of reality we all women want to have: A man dying of our love, bowing down for our beautiful eyes and faces to the point of being in chain for love for life. That is fantasy, my dear, especially in this century.

Let me tell you something: If a girl is willing to be in the man’s car, in the dark, flirting with him, talking about what sex is like in the marriage or how many known sex positions are there, and if the man doesn’t kiss her or do something with her, his mental, physical and emotional health status have to be checked.

After she goes with him to a cinema, takes a backseat, wearing his jacket because she is cold and if this man doesn’t kiss her and keeps his hands to himself, he should be taken to the ER for being dead while breathing. And his ER diagnosis must read something like, “The man is not responding to the normal stimuli as he was supposed to and his brain has to be checked.” And to tell you the truth, most probably, that girl won’t see him again because she will question about his sexuality.

Beloved, there is no “He suddenly kissed me” kind of reality. He doesn’t kiss anyone who doesn’t give him a permission to do so. He first takes small “baby steps” to see if he can continue. If he receives permission, he moves on to the higher ones. A man doesn’t move his hand unless he first receives a “go ahead” cue from the woman.

So the message is this: If you are a girl reading this, take note! If you wonder why men tend to like to hang around you, talk about those “forbidden” topics with you and dare to kiss your neck (ouch!), you might be sending them those irresistible cues to them, cues which they read them as, “Move to action; I’m okay. I won’t eat you.”

If more than one man reacted towards you this way, daring to talk in front of you about sexual stuff and dare to touch and kiss you, the problem may not be with the men but with you.
So, Beloved, before you blame the men, it would be excellent to see if there is any cue you are sending to them for them to act erratically towards you.

See if you are not modest in the way you are adorning yourself. See if all your main and important body parts are covered properly. When you put them all out, the cue the man gets is this: “They are free for any man,” and forces him to take a bit from that “forbidden fruit”.

Last but not least, see if you have clear biblical moral standards when it comes to sexual purity. Once you get those things straight on your part, you will successfully clear your path out of those men who may seem “suddenly” jump all over you.

The Bible says: “I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.” 1Timothy 2:9-10 ///