A4P Guest: My husband and I are writing this to you together. After four years of marriage, our sexual intimacy got cold and we both began complaining about it. Then one day I came across a porn site and told my husband about it. So, we invited porn to our bedroom and after that for few months, we thought we got back our sexual pleasures we lost through the years. But as you already said it on most of your articles, the porn soon destroyed everything we had. We went for counseling because we couldn’t get along anymore. We didn’t tell to the counselor about the porn because we were very scared. The counselor tried everything to help us but our problem got worse. Then last month, one of my friends invited me to your page, and the same day, I told my husband about your page and since then, we are hooked. It’s been a month now since we stopped inviting porn to our bedroom. We are reading the Bible and we are praying before we go to bed and before we have sexual intimacy. However, our sexual intimacy is becoming very frustrating. What else can we do? Please help us. We both are sitting and waiting for your reply. And yes, reply to us on the page because others may have similar problem.

A4P: First thank you for your permission and second as you guessed it, you two are not the only ones in this battle.

Congratulations for both of you for deciding to come out of porn! Good for you! Keep it up!

As you said, you just came out of porn a month ago. You didn’t say exactly for how long you guys have been using porn but you did say that it was for more than a month. That means you need to give yourself time to come out of it.

See it this way: If you dig a hole on the ground for a month and throw yourself in it, it sure will take you some time to come out of that hole.

Of course, you need people to come along your side to help you. I advise you to go back to the person who counseled you and tell him about this issue. Believe me in this: Most counselors these days know that most married couples struggle with porn in one way or the other. So, he/she won’t be surprised to hear that. Opening up to him gives you a good opportunity to confess to another human being so that your healing will hasten (James 5).

You both have to learn, all over again, how to initiate sex and achieve orgasm in a healthy and holy way. It is not going to be a piece of cake. It requires your devotion and determination to stay on the course. Even if you don’t get anything out of the sex, stay with it. Don’t say “negative” things to each other. Don’t blame each other either. Just encourage each other saying, “We can do this; God is with us; He will put our enemy to shame; we will get there.”

Learn about what marriage is as much as you can. Read book together. Go to marriage seminars. And have a positive attitude about your sexual intimacy.

One thing that goes in your favor is this: You two are together; and both of you are in this; both of you are seeking answer together.

Oh, that oneness by itself will guarantee you success not only in getting back what porn took away from you but in finding more sexual pleasures you two have never experienced before. Why? Listen to the following two Bible verses: “. . . if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.” Matthew 18:19

God is “able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power” Ephesians 3:20

What a hope we have in Jesus!

God says, “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten” Joel 2:25a

Even if porn wrecked your lives and marriages, it shall not take it over! God will rise up in vengeance against it but ONLY if you stay in the fight, always in complete surrender and ONE ACCORD!

Oh, beloved, may the LORD bless you and your marriage! When you come out of all these, please remember those who are still in the grip of porn addiction. Speak up! Don’t keep it as a secret! Tell others about the truth of God and what God did for you and your marriage. Let others hear the hope that is in Jesus!

Let me leave you with this Bible verse I adore very dearly. It is Jesus speaking. Take it as if He is speaking directly to you both:

“Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.” Luke 22:31-32 ///