Do you know what little children think when their parents fight in their presence?
As child psychology shows, little children blame themselves saying, “It is because of me that my parents’ are fighting. I am responsible for this.” I cannot even begin to count the negative impacts this very thinking brings into a child’s life.
As they grow and start walking and talking, they try everything to create peace between their parents. Since they blame themselves, a two-year old girl, for example, tries to create peace between mom and dad so they stop fighting. Can you even imagine a two-year old child trying to do that?
When they get older and start school, they start struggling with stomach pain, acid reflux, headache, they struggle to fall asleep or they always cry so someone will sleep with them. What is the cause? Because of the fear they carry with themselves 24/7. They aren’t sure if they are going to have their parents the next morning. They wish they lived in their classmate’s home.
Then as they get to middle school and high school, their struggle starts to take a different face and shows up as behavioral problems, general anxiety, depression and other emotional sicknesses; or, they become isolated to the point of hiding themselves in their school work, and may end up getting straight A’s. Their good grades well cover them from others. Why do they isolate themselves from others? Because they think they have nothing to share with others or they fear that if they come close to other people, people will find out what is really going on with their lives. They may have few friends but they hide everything about them from others.
They have no self-confidence and they usually see life negatively, pessimists.
What am I talking about?
Having loving parents for little children is like having heaven on earth. I am not talking about parents who love their kids but parents who love and care for one another.
If you love a child but hate his parent, what sort of love is that? How do you expect that child to interpret your love to her/him?
After all, it is foolishness to claim to love our children while we fight with our spouses for our rights and comforts.
Some wives say, “I do not fight for my comforts and rights! Never! I always fight for my kids’ comfort!”
What I always ask them: Do you think your children are happy to see you “fight for them” this way?
The only answer I always get is: “You’re right but – – -”
Do I sound judgmental?
I didn’t mean to but this is what I mean: If you are a parent of little children, you are the responsible party in the child-parent relationship. As far as it depends on you, do everything so you make your children’s future better and brighter.
And fighting with your spouse in front of your children destroys your children’s future. Period! There is no “but” in this. Seek help if you cannot get along with your spouse and try to work out your differences. Take responsibility now while your children are little. Once they turn to teen years, you may not be able to reverse or ameliorate their mental, spiritual and emotional struggles except through medical help or keeping them in mental institutions.
Please I beg you! Take this seriously for the sake of your children. Don’t be selfish! Deny yourself today and do everything so you will have peace and love with your spouse so you may protect your children from every preventable emotional, mental, emotional and spiritual struggle. Sure, after you do everything you can to give them a loving and peaceful home, they may still have struggles in these areas. But as research shows, that is only 17% chance, compare to 83% chance children have if they grow up in a chaotic home.
By the way, all Bible passages we read about marriage (covenantal relationship between one man and one woman) talk about how to save the next generation. If we fail in that, we may not be fit to do anything praiseworthy before God. Our resume we take to God to do His work should include “health marriage.”
“It is a trustworthy statement: if any man aspires to the office of overseer, it is a fine work he desires to do. An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not addicted to wine or pugnacious [quick to fight], but gentle, peaceable, free from the love of money. He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity (but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?)” 1 Timothy 3:1-5 NASB
Simple and straightforward! ///