A4P Guest: Meski, please save my marriage!
A4P: Uh-oh! What’s going on?
A4P Guest: My wife found me watching porn for the second time and she is now threatening for a divorce.
A4P: What do you mean, “for the second time?”
A4P Guest: She caught me first six months after we got married.
A4P: Was that your first time to watch porn?
A4P Guest: No! It was the first time she caught me. And I cried and asked her to forgive me and she agreed. Now she caught me after three months.
A4P: Oh, so, you guys are newly married.
A4P Guest: Yes.
A4P: Have you discussed with her about your struggle with porn before you got married?
A4P Guest: No, we haven’t.
A4P: Why haven’t you? You were not struggling with porn before you got married?
A4P Guest: Not like that but we both serve in our church and nobody brought the topic up.
A4P: So, how can I help you?
A4P Guest: How can I convince my wife now that I wouldn’t watch porn again?
A4P: You cannot stop watching porn just because you decide to stop.
A4P Guest: But I’ve been praying and crying before God. It’s been a week now since I have started to fast and pray. I regretted that I watched that filthy stuff. And I am sure God will help me.
A4P: I bet He will and I have no question about that but I have a question about your understanding of what porn addiction is all about.
A4P Guest: I know! I think I have very high male sexual hormones in my body.
A4P: Oh! So, now you’re praying and crying before God so God will decrease your hormones?
A4P Guest: Not like that but you know, so God will help me to be more powerful than the hormones.
A4P: Be honest with me now. For how long you’ve been struggling with porn and how many times you’ve prayed and cried before God to “decrease” these hormones?
A4P Guest: A long time and have prayed and cried many times.
A4P Guest: I mean, I do not want to lose hope in God.
A4P: Why should you? God is tooooo faithful for anyone to lose hope in Him. What I am asking you is to lose hope in your farfetched strategies to break free from porn addiction.
A4P Guest: What do I need to do?
A4P: My friend, no one watches porn without a reason?
A4P Guest: I mean, the reason is so obvious, is that not?
A4P: No obvious to me. Tell me.
A4P Guest: Sexual desire.
A4P: Well, you’re not single now, right? You’re married, means you have a sexual partner that is accepted before God and man. And are you saying that the sexual fulfillment you get from your wife is not good enough for yo?
A4P Guest: I think so?
A4P: Then if you think so, why do you pray and cry before God?
A4P Guest: For God to take my desire away as He decreases the hormones.
A4P: Saying what? “Oops! I am sorry. When I created you, I mistakenly add more sexual hormones in you? Okay. I see it now. I will correct My mistake?”
A4P Guest: Okay. I don’t know!
A4P: Very good! This is where I want you to get at. Now you’re open and ready to listen because you know nothing about what you’re up against. My friend, no one goes to porn without a pain. Porn is nothing but “a numbing medicine” that people use, like cocaine and marijuana. What you need to find out is this: What is hurting you deep inside? What is the pain that you are trying to medicate and numb yourself in the process? What is the pain you’re trying to escape? That is where you need to start! By the way, this is not the way of the devil, but God’s. Walking towards to your freedom is more spiritual than sitting there and praying and crying to get nothing out of. It is insanity “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
Looking for that quick fix is not usually God’s way. Stop looking for that silver bullet. There is none! His grace is given to us to walk and get to our freedom, in the process learning to be humble.
You see, you need someone to work with you. You need someone, a matured man who knows what he is doing, to help you. You need one or two men to help you and hold you accountable and responsible. The Bible says, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.” James 5:16 NASB and it says, “Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, WITH THOSE who call on the Lord from a pure heart.” 2 Timothy 2:22 NASB (capitalization mine)
A4P Guest: Do I need to do all that?
A4P: Only if you want to be free from porn addiction and save your marriage. If not, continue what you’ve been doing all these years. ///