A4P Guest: I came to the US a year ago from Ethiopia. My husband grew up here in the US. He came to Ethiopia to marry me. After I came to the US, life has been tough for me mainly because my husband only wants to watch movies. He works full-time but whenever he is home, he only enjoys watching movies. I want us to pray or read the Bible together. If I start talking about anything spiritual, he is not interested to listen. So, we now fight more than we love and spent time together in peace. I am very scared with my life. What do you advise me?
A4P: I am not sure how you guys met but I could assume that you guys had been dating online, in a long distance relationship. If that is the case, I am sure you or both of you were attracted to the “idealized” view of each other. But now you guys are married and live under the same roof, the “luster” of that idealized view of each other is fading away and reality is hitting you hard.
Well, this is my short advice:
The Bible does not say, “A wife is responsible for her husband’s spiritual life;” or nor He says in His word, “I will not hear the prayer of a wife unless she prays with her husband.”
What am I saying?
You can still pray. You can still read and study the Bible by yourself, can’t you?
Sure, like everybody else, you too want and desire to be one with your husband spiritually but for whatever the reason, that is not your reality at this point.
That means, you do your own devotion and leave your husband alone until he feels like he needs to join you. Please listen to what the word of God is saying to you:
“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.” 1 Peter 3:1-4 NASB
Do you know what the above passage is saying to you?
“If” your husband chooses to entertain himself by the entertainment media of this dark world, you can win him back to God, but not by preaching to him (“without a word”) but by your godly and noble characters. Instead of choosing the world way, you choose God’s way: learn and practice to be godly as you pray and read/study the word of God. Attract the Holy Spirit and your husband by your chastening and humble attitudes. Honor and respect God and your husband by “a gently and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.”
Do you see it?
You study the word of God and you let God know the desires of your heart as you seek His face for His will to be done in your life.
Let Christ increase in you as you decrease before Him (John 3:30) so your husband sees and bows down to the Christ He sees in and through you.
After all “greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world.” 1 John 4:4 NASB
God is light!
“This is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is Light, and in Him there is no darkness at all.” 1 John 1:5 NASB
And you’re a child of God, a child of light.
“But you, brethren, are not in darkness, that the day would overtake you like a thief; for you are all sons of light and sons of day. We are not of night nor of darkness;” 1 Thessalonians 5:4-5 NASB
And do you know the one identifying character of light compare to darkness?
“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” John 1:5 ESV
Do you see it?
So, my dear beloved sister, focus on your call. Strive to be the person (the wife) God calls you to be. Do not join your husband if he chooses to be entertained by this dark world, rather, respectfully say “no” to your husband’s invitation, and say “yes” to the Holy Spirit to respect your husband as you let him do what he wants to do. Notice I did not say, “let your husband do whatever he wants to do with you. That is a big “NO! NO!”
Rather, leave your husband’s and God’s relationship alone. Believe in seeking the face of God and trust Him to do what God wills to do.
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,” 1 Peter 5:6 ESV
Don’t feel like you have to make your husband strong in Christ. No! That is not your call! Your call is for you to be a woman of God! Focus on your call and see what God will do with that. ///