As some say, “The best things in life don’t come easy, but those things are the ones worth the sacrifice.”
Very true, isn’t it?
Good marriage is one of those best things in life that is worth the sacrifice.
And the sacrifice comes from the fact that marriage involves two human beings.
I know! That means, one problem plus one problem equals to countless problems because duh, what do you expect from two sinners other than multiple and quadruple mess!
So, I already laid out the stage for you, didn’t I?
After “all those” butterfly feelings disappear, couples start fighting! Yes, we all married couples fight. The difference does not lie in how many times we fight; but how we handle our conflicts. Our “how to’s” set a striking difference between two marriages.
And the easy way most of us want to resolve our marital conflicts is by pouting!
We say, “You know what? I ain’t going to talk to him/her for the next hundred years!”
And we give each other that nasty silent treatment we all are prone to choose as a way of solving our marital conflicts.
Why do we usually give each other this silent treatment?
To show to our spouse that we are not happy with something! But the question we need to ask ourselves is this: Is giving each other a silent treatment the best way to handle our conflicts?
A big NO! Because silent treatment drives a wedge between couples who are supposed to “become one-flesh.” And eventually, they start to grow apart and become strangers to one another. Then divorce looms on the horizon.
What do we need to do?
Easy! We need to say “No” to a silent treatment as a strategy to solve our conflicts and start solving our conflicts like adults: Sitting down and sorting through our issues.
But to do that, we first need to know the source of this silent treatment.
The Bible says,
“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;” Ephesians 2:3 NASB
When we regard our spouse “as more important than” ourselves, we humble ourselves and be willing to put ourselves in their shoes and try to see the issue as they see it.
You know what this is called? It’s called “humility.”
The Bible says,
“God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” 1 Peter 5:5b NASB
Wow! Did you see that?
We receive grace from God when our attitude is right before God, i.e. When we have a humble attitude.
Grace to do what?
Grace to know when and how to handle our marital disagreements and conflicts.
That means we first need to fight against pride which is seeing ourselves more important or better than our spouse.
A humble attitude starts from seeing God as God; a holy, all knowing and all seeing God, and seeing ourselves through that same lens.
Our humble way of seeing ourselves helps us to see our marital issues differently, instead of making our spouse the sole responsible party for the conflict, we’ll also be able to see our shared-responsibilities.
The word of God says,
“Do not judge so that you will not be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:1-5 NASB
Beautiful, isn’t it?
By the time we get to a place of understanding to see and take out the log from our own eyes, we run out of reasons to give any silent treatment to our spouse.
May God help us all to have this humble attitude not only in our marriages but also in all our relationships so that we will have God’s grace in our lives! ///