How Can We Stop?

A4P Guest: Is that okay for me to have sex on Skype with my wife?

A4P: You mean, you want to masturbate with your wife on Skype?

A4P Guest: I guess.

A4P: Why do you want to do that when you are able to sleep with her?

A4P Guest: She lives in Canada and I live in America.

A4P: Wow! So, you want to get engaged in a mutual masturbation and you wanna know if that practice is an acceptable one?

A4P Guest: Yes.

A4P: You see, the fact that it is a question for you itself should tell you that you didn’t feel right about it. You find it hard to accept it as a holy practice. Have you ever asked yourself why you are not feeling right about it?

A4P Guest: Yes I have and I thought it was because of my culture and strict Christian upbringing. But I said to myself, “It should be okay since I am doing it with my own wife.”

A4P: And after you justified the practice that way, did you find relief from the guilt feeling ?

A4P Guest: No.

A4P: I’m not surprised!

You see, Bible never recognizes long-distance marriages because long distance relationships cancel out the very essence of marriage which is one-flesh relationship; physical, emotional, mental and spiritual intimacy and oneness. You are not feeling right about it because the practice itself threatens the health of your marriage.

A4P Guest: But most of my friends are immigrants like me and most of them don’t have their spouses with them. I am sure all of them are doing this even if nobody is talking about it.

A4P: Just because everybody is doing “wrong thing” doesn’t make it right.

You see, just because most people are migrating from their home-land looking for a better life doesn’t  mean that the word of God cannot be applied to them.  The word of God says,

“Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” 1 Corinthians 7:5 NIV

You are instructed only to be separated from your wife “for a time” – what kind of time is that? A time you and your spouse won’t get to the point where your sexual desires go through the roof! That means “for a time” should be a realistic one for you as well as your wife. If it gets to the point that you want to masturbate on Skype, it is way beyond “for a time” limit. When you pass that time limit, Satan will “tempt you because of your lack of self-control” and deceives you with all those points you can justify the act.

A4P Guest: But what is wrong with that as long as my wife agrees with it? Didn’t the very Bible verse you quoted say, “mutual consent.” My wife is okay with it.

A4P: Let me tell you something. Most women generally have these God-given nurturing tendencies where they want to attend to their husband’s needs regardless of what they feel inside. I bet you, your wife won’t feel right about this thing. I am sure she struggles to pray and worship God after she finishes the Skype call with you. Sometimes women in this situation neglect their spiritual life so that they won’t be tortured by guilt feelings.

Mutual masturbation, from the many things it makes a woman feel, it makes her feel like “a sex-object.” She may feel attracted and beautiful during the act but afterward she feels down and depressed because her deep-seated need is not sex but intimacy; and masturbation gives no intimacy to anyone. It can only make people to have orgasm.

What about the woman? She may have orgasm but she most probably fakes it to make her man happy. But deep down, she resents her husband for not loving her enough to bring her to that beautiful and enjoyable sexual pleasure that is only possible in a physical union of their bodies.

And here is the thing: Your wife may choose to masturbate by herself than with her husband because during mutual masturbation, because of her natural nurturing tendency, she may focus on making her husband happy than herself. This creates emptiness in her soul and spirit.

A4P Guest: What should I do? It’s been three months now since we’ve been engaged in this. What should I tell my wife? How can we stop? I think I’m addicted to it now.

A4P: Simple! Tell her that this practice is not giving you freedom to love and worship God. I’m sure she may say to you something like, “The same here.”

Second, find a way for you two live together.  I know sometimes that is impossible to do without costing you a lot, not only money wise but also your future endeavors. If you need your marriage and want to be found in the will of God, that is what I believe you need to do. Take radical steps and renew your vows with your God and wife.

It costs us all something to follow Christ but that cost is nothing compare to the cost we incur in choosing sinful ways.

May God help you! ///