Why do marriages fall apart when a special need child comes to a family?
Many, many reasons but one of the major and common reasons is the fact that men and women are created differently.
I know; that reason again, right?
But it is true. Men and women are created equally but differently. When a special need child comes to a family, a father and a mother handle the situation differently and that difference creates stress, disagreement and conflict that can lead to a divorce.
When a special need child comes to a family, some husbands tend to run away from home because they can’t handle their wife’s emotional turmoil. The wife, on the other hand, makes the responsibility of making her child well her full time job and she demands that her husband does the same thing, researching, reading, interviewing people, running around and do everything he can, just like her.
Other siblings tend to be neglected, mainly by their mother, because she gives her undivided attention to the child with a special need.
And the main purpose of the above interview is to encourage couples who are facing this kind of challenge, for instance having a child with autism or Down Syndrome, to not go for a divorce but for counseling because divorce cannot solve anything; rather it hurts the whole family, especially the child with a special need.
It is true that mothers die for their children but sometimes mothers in this kind of situation unknowingly hurt the very people they need desperately, their husbands and their other kids.
Yes, some husbands mercilessly run away from home, abandoning their wives and kids, including their special need children. I am not trying to downplay the effect of that side of the equation but I want to address the other side of the equation, which is the mother side, so marriages and families will be saved.
The direct and short advice is this: Please seek counseling for your hurting marriage so you and your kids won’t suffer more by losing the whole family. Spiritual counseling teaches you the skills you need to develop in your hurting marriage so your home will stand still when the storm hits it hard.
The word of God says,
“Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock. Everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not act on them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and it fell—and great was its fall.” Matthew 7:24-27 NASB
Both houses (marriages) were slammed by storms but one marriage stood still but the other one fell apart because the house was not built on the word of God.
You see, the Bible says,
“It takes wisdom to have a good family,
and it takes understanding to make it strong.” Proverbs 24:3 NCV
Sure! Sometimes we all lack wisdom and understanding in life because of complicated and challenging situations in life. When we find ourselves in hard times, instead of looking for a solution from our carnal nature or from people who advise us to go in ways contrary to the word of God, it is always good to look for advice from people who counsel us according to the word of God.
Divorce is not a solution for marital conflicts; especially divorce is not a solution when a special need child comes to the family. Let’s hear and learn from people who passed through it and testify to the truth.
Smart people learn from the book, wise people learn from the experience of others. ///