“Help! About to Marry a Man with Kids”

The Bible says,

“Yours is the day, Yours also is the night;
You have prepared the light and the sun.
You have established all the boundaries of the earth;
You have made summer and winter.” Psalm 74:16-17 NASB


I don’t know about you but I am so grateful and thankful that winter is gone, even if it brings comfort to my soul to say, “Remember, God is the One who created winter too.”

The thing is, with spring comes allergies! But even that isn’t terrible; I’d rather deal with allergy than snow. I mean, what do you do with snow? Nothing!

But enough ranting about the cold. Let me quickly share with you one message before I return back to my hectic Monday schedule.

The message is all about blended families. I know! This is a very broad topic to address on a single Facebook post or a video. But today I want to share with you four common myths (faulty ways of thinking) a single woman needs to stop believing before she marries “a man with kids.”

1. Once I marry him, the kids’ mother will be out of my life

No, she won’t. Well, the kids’ mother can be out of your life but not out of her kids’ life. It is actually good and healthy for you to strive to have peace with the kids’ mother.

You should not at all desire for their mother to disappear, since every child deserves to have his/her biological parents as often as they can (assuming that their parents are alive and mentally and emotionally okay).

2. I can love these kids as their mother loves them

Simply put, you cannot. That is like trying to replace their mother. No one can replace a mother and trying to do that can be a source of frustration, conflict, and unending family fights. It doesn’t matter what kind of a mother the kids’ mom has been, no one can replace her. You, the soon-to-be step-mother, need to accept this truth and have peace with it.

3. Since their father and I love each other to death, his kids will automatically love me

No, they cannot automatically love you. It takes time and patience for a true and genuine love to flourish, and you cannot force it. The foundation of true love is respect. However young your step-children may be, strive to express your respect for them because “what you respect, you attract.”

4. I am only responsible for his kids for few days out of the week

No! Even if you can’t replace their biological mother, you still need to assume that you are responsible for your step-children 24/7. Working together with the other family in unison so that the kids’ school work, medical and physical needs, emotional needs, and extra-curricular activities can be taken care of in a timely fashion may require you to work hard 7 days a week. It may feel like too much work and it can take a toll on you emotionally, mentally and physically. So, it is always good to keep your expectations low so you may not be disappointed.

(I will continue next time with “What does a woman need to do to prepare herself before she marries “a man with kids”?”) ///