How To Deal With A Shy Man

A4P Guest: I am 25 years old and one of the more active members in our church. I am involved at least in two ministries and I think I consider my Christian walk with Christ good and healthy.

A4P: Good. So, what is your question for me?

A4P Guest: Okay, so, there is this guy in my church. He too serves in the church and we usually work together. I am very much attracted to him and I think, he is attracted to me. The problem is, I think, he is shy. I mean, what do you do with shy men?

A4P: Make your question specific for me, so I won’t miss your main question.

A4P Guest: He is shy, you know. There were lots of opportunities for him to ask me.

A4P: To ask you what? Don’t leave me with my assumptions.

A4P Guest: You know, for a date or something.

A4P: Choose one: for a date or for something else?

A4P Guest: For a date.

A4P: Okay, I get it. So, you are attracted to him and you think he is attracted to you, but it doesn’t seem like he is going to make the first move anytime soon. Am I right?

A4P Guest: Yes!

A4P: Quick question: what are the signs that you saw in him that made you believe or think that he is attracted to you?

A4P Guest: He always walks me home after the service, he calls me at least three or four times a week, and on some of these phone calls, you can tell that he has absolutely no reason to call me but just makes one up.

A4P: Hmm! I think I agree with you in believing that he is attracted to you, unless he is one of those rude men who are careless towards woman’s feelings and emotions; men who, when they have nothing to do, call and talk to a girl for five hours. Let’s hope that he is not one of them! So, why don’t you say something to him like: “So, what do we call our relationship?” or, “Where is our relationship headed?”

A4P Guest: Oh, no! No way!

A4P: Why not?

A4P Guest: What if he says, “Our relationship isn’t going anywhere! What made you ask that question?” If he says something like that, I will be so embarrassed and I may not even want to go to that church again.

A4P: Really? Well then, my question for you is this: How much do you want to make this guy yours?

A4P Guest: Very much so!

A4P: Then, forget about what is going to happen to you. Just go to him and say this (I mean, of course pray for wisdom before you go to him): “Hey, I was just wondering these days about our relationship. I am sure we are not just talking every day for no reason. So, it would be good for both of us to label our friendship correctly and make things official and clear.” Remember, don’t have that “TOO SERIOUS” look on your face, but also don’t say those words as a joke. If he is a shy man, then he is very sensitive to all kinds of extreme emotions. For example, don’t look at his eyes when you say those words. It is okay and even good if he sees you as being nervous, because shy men feel empowered and courageous to speak in front of a shy woman. But I am not saying here to just play “fake shy!” Don’t! I am just saying that since it is a bit tricky for a woman to approach a man regarding a relationship, you may have some nervousness, and it is okay to have and express that. It is healthy. But remember, if you are too serious, the guy may have a panic attack and pass out, and I mean this literally: it can happen if he is extremely shy. So, be wise. Yes, I agree with you that you have to do something about this because it is not good for you to stay long in this kind of unpredictable or “yo-yo” relationship. Speak the truth, and give him a chance to tell you the truth. The truth may hurt or give you joy, but either way, the truth will set you free.

A4P Guest: What if he says something like, “We are just friends. What are you thinking?”

A4P: Say to him, “Okay dude, I can’t just continue walking with you up and down, talking with you on the phone for hours, and replying to your text messages for no reason. I have feelings for you, and if you have no feelings for me, I think it is better for me to move on with my life.” Remember, don’t be too serious, but still be firm. Don’t baby him even if you know that he is shy.

A4P Guest: What if he says, “Okay, move on with your life. Bye!”

A4P: I doubt he will. I don’t think any kind and God-fearing man will say that to a girl, but if the worst comes to worse, and he says even more mean things to you than even that, just grieve your loss and move on with your life. I know it is tough, but in the long run, I think it is better for you to live with the truth than with lies and your dreams. And you never know, while you have been keeping your eyes on him, another guy might have been interested in and following you. So, be smart.

This is what I think you need to do. Maybe you need to ask advice from other people and see what they have to say. I know it is tough but you can do it! All the best! ///