Every relationship has conflicts and quarrels. As a human relationship, marriage cannot be immune from conflicts and quarrels.
And the word of God gives us a quick, bird’s eye-view of the main source of all conflicts.
“What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is the source not your pleasures that wage war in your body’s parts? You lust and do not have, so you commit murder. And you are envious and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask with the wrong motives, so that you may spend what you request on your pleasures. You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you think that the Scripture says to no purpose, “He jealously desires the Spirit whom He has made to dwell in us”? But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, “God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Submit therefore to God. But resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come close to God and He will come close to you. ” James 4:1-8a
That is so straightforward, isn’t it?
Looking at the above passage and seeing and understanding it in the context of marriage, we can safely make this statement: Couples mostly fight because of the sinful desires that are waging war inside them (James 4:1).
And people who are preoccupied with sinful and worldly desires do not have time to pray. Instead of bringing their desires to God in prayer, they carry them with themselves and demand to get them all from their spouses.
For example: A wife sees a couple and notices how a husband treats his wife. She says in her heart, “This couple is happy all the time because the husband treats his wife this way. That is why I keep telling my husband to treat me this way but he is not listening to me.” And she starts complaining about her husband.
Within five minutes, she assumed and concluded that the man treats his wife kindly 24/7 and because of that, the couple have a happy marriage. And even if the man treats his wife nice all the time, she has no clue how this particular wife treats her husband.
Do you see my point?
What if this wife brings her desires to God in prayer like this: “Father, please make my husband treat me like this other man?” Do you think God hears her prayer?
Well, the Bible says this:
“You ask and do not receive, because you ask with the wrong motives, so that you may spend what you request on your pleasures. ” James 4:3
Is this a kind of prayer a married woman is￼ supposed to pray? What does the Bible say?
It is the husband’s call to love his wife and it is the husband who needs to pray about it. The word of God calls a wife to honor and respect her husband.
If her prayer is like this:-￼
“Lord, please help me understand my husband so I know how to honor and respect him.”
Do you think God hears and answers her prayer?
Of course He does because the Bible says, “This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests which we have asked from Him.” 1 John 5:14-15
Wow! Did you see that?
God hears and answers all prayers which are according to His will.
This is the same for a husband; if a husband prays for God to help him love his wife, God hears and answers his prayer because the word of God says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, ” Ephesians 5:25
You see, our three enemies – our sinful nature, this dark world and the devil – work together for one purpose: to convince us that God’s will is not good for us.
So, if a wife watches every show and movie of this world, she will be convinced that what she wants is not found in the Bible but in the world.
Listen to what the Word says:-
“You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you think that the Scripture says to no purpose, “He jealously desires the Spirit whom He has made to dwell in us”? ” James 4:4-5
When we give our ears, eyes, and our hearts to this dark world, to the sinful desires of our flesh and to the devil, we slowly start doubting the goodness of God. Then we start complaining and whining.
But when we give our hearts and minds to the Word of God, we start to be thankful about our spouses and marriages. We compare our spouses to no one. Even if we live in this dark and broken world, and we ourselves are broken people, we start to be content with whatever we have.
“But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, “God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”” James 4:6
Beautiful, isn’t it?
When we agree with the Word of God, God’s grace will be multiplied on us. Praise God! Humble means a person who agrees with the will of God. Proud means a person who always stands against the will of God and says, “I know what is best for me!” Yeah, we all have that sickness, don’t we? But as we strive to follow God, God gives us His grace that enables us to push away our pride and follow God.
Do you think a prideful person can have a happy marriage?
Let me leave that question to you and move on to my last point.
When we align our wills and desires with the Word, we resist the devil.
Listen to the word:-
“Submit therefore to God. But resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come close to God and He will come close to you. ” James 4:7-8a
Submitting to God means resisting the devil. My friend, Satan is not scared of us shouting and screaming: “Devil, I rebuke you!” What he is scared of is a person who submits to God.
I am telling you! If you read and study this short passage, James 4:1-8a, you will find tons and tons of God’s truth. ///