A4P Guest: “Hi Missy, I am 24 years old. My husband and I celebrated our one year wedding anniversary last month. We both are Christians and we love each other. We came to the marriage not having any sexual relationship with anyone. We both grew up in church. I always enjoy being intimate with my husband but when it comes to actually doing “it”, for some reason, I lose interest. This was the case with me for the first seven or eight months of our marriage.
Then one day my husband suggested that we watched a video that might help me desire to have sex. I was hesitant to watch but once I saw the change it brought into my sexual desire, I kind of liked it. Now it’s been almost three months since we have been watching those kinds of videos in our bedroom. Recently I heard about your ministry but I was not interested to listen to your message. Then, one of my friends sent me one of your video messages and I watched your message and I couldn’t fall asleep. I stayed up all night. I now understand what we have been doing to our marriage and beautiful relationship. But I don’t seem to get the courage to let my husband know of your message and my desire to stop watching porn. Oh, I don’t know what to do. I am stuck! Where do I go from here? I am in my church worship team and I stopped leading worship giving different reasons to the main leader. I don’t know what I need to do next. Please help me. ”
A4P: Oh, my dearest, my heart goes out to you!
Isn’t our God a loving God! Yes, He is! Whatever condition we maybe in, He comes to us, seeking to be intimate with us. Wherever we are, there He is.
“Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.” (Psalm 139:7-12)
Listen to me please: No amount of addiction, no amount of darkness can take you out of Christ’s site. He pursues you to the end! So, rest in knowing that His love for you remains! Since you belong to Jesus, where you are, Jesus is! Because you’re in Him, you cannot live in sin. Darkness can’t hide from His light.
So, hang in there! You’re already half way to your healing and victory belongs to you through Christ. The day you decided to show this dark side of your life to others (to me) is the day your healing started (James 5:16). You opened the door of your soul for the Spirit of God to come in and do His saving works.
So, first thing first: Remember, many things in life can wait but this one cannot! You’re a courageous young lady. You told me your story courageously and guess what? You have enough courage to open up to your husband and let him see what God has been doing in your heart.
I want you to know this: You are scared to tell your husband, not because you’re scared of your husband, but maybe because you are scared of saying goodbye to porn. It is your enemy who is making your future look dark; but your future without your enemy in it is going to be bright. Don’t listen to him and don’t listen to your addiction.
From the million problems porn brings into a marriage as well as a person’s life, the number one problem is this: Porn doesn’t come into your life alone. It comes with demon spirits and these spirits always go for your soul to influence your life. To make these spirits lose ground, the best method is to call the army of God, your brothers and sisters in Christ, into your team. I know this sounds crazy but I wish there was another easy and short way to come out of this but there is none. Just pray and contact your pastor and open up to him but first you need to talk to your husband so you both go to your pastor together. This is not it but for now, this can be the first step and your pastor may let you know what to do next. May God give him wisdom and knowledge! ///