“Doubting My Worth”

A4P Guest: Is my worth as a woman attached to being a virgin?
A4P: What do you mean?
A4P Guest: Does a virgin mean a worthy woman to marry?
A4P: Hmm, I’m not really sure what you are asking me. Give me some background to your story so I can see your question in the same way you see/feel it.
A4P Guest: Okay, I’m a 25-year old Christian girl. After I dated a Christian man for a year, he dumped me for a silly reason. I cried for two or three days and begged him to come back but he left me just like that. Then one guy came into the picture. I was not attracted to him but I thought I would forget the first guy by going out with this other man. Well, this other guy was not a committed Christian and asked me for sex on our second date and I told him that I was a virgin and he promised that he would stay with me for the rest of his life and I slept with him. Well, it’s been a month now since I heard from him. And my first boyfriend called me two weeks ago and told me that he wanted to come back to me after he ignored me for six months. He knew that I was a virgin before he left me. So, I thought it would be fair to tell him and I told him that I slept with a man I dated and he said, “I will never forgive you for it, so we may as well continue going our separate ways” and he hung up the phone. Now, I’m doubting my worth.

A4P: I now got your question clearly!
So, here is my advice:
First, as a Christian, know that your worth is found ONLY in Christ, not in your virginity. If a man finds your worth in you being a virgin, he is nothing but a fool! And you are better off letting that kind of man go than keeping him in your life. I wonder if he ever experienced God’s forgiveness in his own personal life. If he doesn’t know the forgiveness of God, he doesn’t know how to forgive others.
Second, I am sure you know that sex before marriage is a sin and I hope and pray that you’ve already asked God to forgive you. If you did, you are a brand new person before God as if you’ve never had sex before.
Third, yes, you probably made the worst mistake of your life and it’s good to own it up. Don’t blame anybody else for it. Own your mistakes and say “I’m spiritually immature and I’m a knucklehead for giving my body for a man I’m not married to.” Doing so will help you not to repeat your mistake.
Fourth, know that you are the first one who needs to value you and your body, not the man you date. Remember, men see you as you see yourself.
Fifth, when it comes to sex before marriage, put in place clear physical boundaries that you won’t let yourself or anyone else cross them. If you do that, no man can trick you or play with your life.
Sixth, learn what it means to be a sexually pure woman and how to find your worth in Christ before you decide to get involved in a relationship again.
Finally, please surround yourself with smart, Christian women who have biblical moral standards for their own lives so they can challenge and encourage you to lead a sexually pure life. ///