A4P Guest: I’m 30 years old. I’m originally from Ethiopia. I moved to the U.S. 15 years ago. I became a born again Christ when I was 13. I’m now dating an African American man, 38 years old. He is a born again Christian too. I am going to his church since I met him. We’ve been together since May of 2013. Since day one, we have been doing everything we are not supposed to do as an unmarried couple and all my best friends who are from Ethiopia seem to know but none of them have said anything about it. We are now about to get married and his pastor didn’t ask us about our sexual integrity or anything related to that when we went to him to set our wedding day. But me, I go to bed crying knowing that I’m sinning against my God and that for sure my sin will soon find me out. My wedding date is set for March. What do you advise me to do?
A4P: If I were you, knowing what I know today about sexual sin and the consequences of it all, I would call everything off, including the wedding date until I get my life straight before God.
Why are you waiting for your friends or the pastor to say something for you to get your life right before God? They might have the same struggle as yours. If they have a sexually compromised life, they can’t have that spiritual confidence that enables them to confront you with the Word of God. They too need someone to confront them let alone to confront you. And they are not responsible for your life; but you are.
Yes, as the Bible says, there is no sin without a consequence (Numbers 32:23). Grace of God is not there to cancel out sin; but to help us live a life that is free of sin. When we choose to live in sin, we block for the grace of God to come and influence our life (Titus 2). Forgiveness of God works in our life when we confess our sin and renounce it. If we choose to live in sin, forgiveness of God means nothing to our lives.
Yes, there is no sin without a consequence and the consequence of sin, especially sexual sin, is generational. It hurts you and it passes on to your generation. So, the best way to deal with it is by confronting it today.
Go to another Bible believing and teaching church. Ask if the church has a family ministry and ask if they give premarital teachings. Go to the ministers of that church and ask them to help you.
To the man you are planning to marry, say to him something like, “Baby, I love you and I want to live and die with you. But there is one issue we need to take care of first. We need to stop sinning against God for our own sake. Let’s go to the people who can help us confess our sin and deal with it before our sin finds us out at the wrong time. Let’s make our life right before God.”
If he says, “I agree; let’s go, baby,” you got your man.
If he says, “There is nothing wrong with us; we love each other and everything we do is not God’s business but ours,” you got your answer. Choose God or him; because you can’t have them both and live a peaceful life.
Remember: Nice wedding can’t revoke the consequence of sin. After the wedding, the consequence of sin bursts open the door of your life (it doesn’t knock but bursts open). Before it does, barricade your life and marriage with the blood of Jesus.
One last note: Find other good friends who truly follow Christ. Be wise and hang out with those good friends who know Christ and follow Him. As the Bible says, “Bad company corrupts good character.” (1 Corinthians 15:33) Means, godly friends will always lead you to God. ///