A4P Guest: “I’m a 22 year-old girl. I’ve been seeing this nice guy, 24 years old, for a couple years now. He is very serious about his faith in Christ (which I love the most). He is solid on his stand about sexual purity and what marriage should be. He loves me and cares about me. But these days, I feel like he doesn’t care about me but about himself and his goals. He is a very hard-worker, loves education and serves in his church. But he is not that passionate about me anymore. He used to at the beginning of our relationship but not anymore. He is just too busy with other things. I don’t even know how I can decide to marry him. I’m tired of being in a relationship but not being happy. What’s wrong with me?”
A4P: (Thank you for giving me permission to post our conversation on this page. Bless you!)
Well. see to it if you are lonely, seeking his attention 24/7, sitting and thinking about him all day long. If your world is revolving around him, you will be disappointed as he continues withdrawing from you even further.
If you are lonely, you will be too obsessed with him and the young man will pull himself away from you to find his very needed and desired freedom most men die for. That freedom is their comfortable place where they feel adequate and competent. When a woman is too demanding and too obsessive, most men see her as a threat to their competency and adequacy since they can’t meet all her desires and needs. So, they pull away and lose motivation to show her love and affection.
But there is a way for you to motivate your man to show you affection, care and love you so desire to receive from him. How?
Well, first, draw your worth from Christ and grow in Spirit and Word of God. Build healthy and authentic relationship with other girls who are believers in Christ. That means avoid idleness and loneliness!
Second, you said, he loves his work and school. If so, join him! Jump into his world! Appreciate his effort; recognize his achievements. When you see his weaknesses, encourage him to be courageous enough to face his fears. How? By capitalizing on and making a big deal about his strengths; by bringing up a discussion where his strength can be lifted up high. He may look strong and all around successful and intelligent but remember, God created him to need a “suitable helper,” a helper who appreciates, admires and respects him. So, be that helper for him.
Make sure you work on these two important areas of life before you entertain the idea of getting married because too obsessive wife will also be disappointed by her husband.
The best Bible verse to meditate on is: “Come near to God and he will come near to you.” James 4:8a
The only One who doesn’t feel suffocated when we women become too obsessive with Him is God. Why? He is able to meet all our needs, desires and dreams because He is the One who put them all in us! And when we draw near to Him (not just talking about God 24/7; but strive to be a kind of person God wants us to be), we constantly win His and our men’s attention.
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Proverbs 31:30 ///