A4P Guest: I’m a 26 year old girl. I’ve been seeing this guy I met in my church since last May. He recently have asked me to have sex with him and I made it clear for him that I would keep my virginity until marriage. When I said that to him, he chuckled and said, “It’s not common to find a girl like you, virgin at 26. It feels very weird.” After we had this conversation, he hasn’t been calling me that much. Missy, I so far lost three men over this same issue; they all have asked me to have sex and I’ve said no and they all have walked away. I’m now going to lose this guy the one I adore. What do you advise me to do? Why do these men ask me to have sex with them while they themselves are born-again Christians and know that sex before marriage is a sin?
A44: Well, after reading your question, I can’t help but think why you want to remain a virgin until marriage. So, can you tell me why?
A4P Guest: Because I know that, according to Hebrews 13:4, the only rightful and holy place for sex is in the marriage, between a husband and a wife. I know that the only sex God approves is found in the marriage. That is why.
A4P: Okay! So, what about those people who are not married or will never get married? How can the message of that same Bible verse you quoted or any other verse be applicable to them?
A4P Guest: 1 Corinthians 7:2 clearly states that any form of sex outside marriage is the definition of sexual immorality. All of the Bible verses regarding sexual immorality we read in the Bible condemn sex before marriage. So, sex outside marriage is a sin to all, singles, married or divorced people.
A4P: Okay, so, I think you are missing my point here. Maybe my question is a bit confusing! So, let me try to make myself clear if I may.
I’m not sure if you are new to this page. If you are, let me brief you about what I strive to do every day. I teach about sexual purity.
Sexual purity, as Jesus defined it on Matthew 5:27-28, has nothing to do with having or not having sex; it also has nothing to do with being a virgin or not; but it has everything to do with the condition of our hearts. The condition of our hearts is mainly affected and influenced by what we let our pair of eyes see and dwell on. So, sexual purity refers to keeping self (body, spirit and soul), from any form or “hint” of sexual activities. Remember, I said body, spirit and soul. So, being a virgin, which may ONLY indicate physical virginity, is not a definition of sexual purity.
Let me give you one quick example. So, when a girl is sexually pure (or stating it in a different way, when she pursues sexual purity), her dating looks like this:
She sees the man she is dating only in a public place. She doesn’t put herself in the most tempting situations such as seeing him in his bedroom or in a hotel, or in his car after dark. She doesn’t let him touch her body and of course she doesn’t let him kiss her. Why? All touching, kissing and cuddling stuff are parts and parcels of the actual “marital sex,” the sex between one man and one woman who are married. Touching, kissing, cuddling and petting are called “fore-plays” because they occur before sex and they beautifully usher the couple into the martial sexual union, a union which includes the presence of the Most Holy God. That means, kissing, touching, cuddling and petting are very beneficial sexual activities only when they happen in the marital union of one man and one woman according to the word of God (Proverbs, Song of Solomon and the message of the entire Bible, including Revelation).
This will directly lead me to your question of why born-again Christian men ask you for sex.
However, instead of me trying to answer your question, let me ask you one simple question so that you yourself arrive to the answer:
Are you dating these men as a sexually pure girl, keeping yourself away from all sexual fore-plays?
If not, you might have been tricked by “the LAW” that says, “You’ve heard that – – -you shall not commit adultery” which Jesus quoted on Matthew 5:27. The LAW says, “Don’t do adultery,” and Jesus perfected the LAW by saying don’t even lust after sex before marriage in your heart, let alone do it – Matthew 5:28 and Ephesians 5:3.
If you let a man touch and enjoy your body, including your lips but say “No” to the actual sex, it is like being willing to let someone sip water from your water-jar but afterward asking them to spit it before they swallow it. I hope this illustration shades some light on the issue.
If I’m not mistaken here, your question is clearly answered. If not, go ahead and ask me.
A4P Guest: Wow, thank you! I am not doing dating as a sexually pure girl. Now I understand why these men are asking me for sex. I don’t have any further question. ///