“I have abnormally high sexual desires”

Some people who struggle to break free from porn addiction and other forms of dangerous sexual practices think that they have more sexual hormones and urges than many people.

As some child development experts assert, if a child cries looking for comfort from his mom, and if his mom repeatedly gives him cookies in response, the child learns at that early and informative age that eating gets rid of unwanted desires. Then after the child grows up and becomes adult, he has a high chance that he struggles with the issue of obesity as he turns to food whenever he feels lonely and depressed. So, when he is stressed, he grabs ice-cream. When he feels lonely, he reaches out for the barbecue potato chips.

Why? That is all his brain is trained to do: To eat when he feels lonely, fearful, depression, etc.

Yes, our brain is the most fascinating thing ever!

In the same way, when people learn to turn to their “sexual urges” to sooth their loneliness, stress, fear, low self-esteem, their brain pretty much takes their sexuality as a “medication cabinet” to dodge all unwanted feelings and emotions.

When these same people hit early teen years or early or late twentieth, they somehow start questioning why they view porn and masturbate; why they hate doing it but at the same time keep on doing it. They also begin to question why they can’t stop it regardless of their effort to stop it. Then they may end up thinking, “I’m doing this filthy stuff because I have abnormally higher sexual hormones in my blood than other people.”

Of course this line of reasoning won’t give them that sense of peace and rest they so desire to have. So they start looking for experts who encourage them to continue doing what they’ve been doing for a long time. But, they, all over again, start to ask, “I want to stop this! I hate it! I hate what I am doing! What do I need to do?”

At this point, they may even contemplate to end it all; to commit suicide.

What they need at this point is others, role models who can show, teach and train them the healthy way of handling their emotions; not by attending their “sexual urges,” but by turning to God’s way; having people around them, developing close, healthy and vibrant relationships with God and God’s Word (Psalm 119:9, 11) and with people of God (2 Timothy 2:22).

If they stick with the biblical training, little by little, they learn to see God as He is: The One who is able to meet all their emotional, mental, spiritual and physical needs! (Philippians 4:19)

So, instead of medicating their depression with porn and masturbation, they learn to turn to God to take the peace and rest Jesus died for and promised to give to those who trust in Him: “I give you peace” (John 14:27) “I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). At first, even if they find themselves falling back into the old ways of handing their stress, they learn to get up and walk to stay the course.

You see, when we turn to our sexuality to get rid of the problems we are facing, we get no solution. Our problems actually get worse because God didn’t create our sexuality to be a medicine for anything but a way to glorify Him; and the only way to glorify God in our sexuality is by expressing our sexuality in the covenant relationship of one man and one woman. As we neglect God and His ways and choose to turn to our own sexuality, we are pretty much saying “My sexuality is my god; it is the answer and the medicine to all my problems, emotional pains and needs.” That is called idolatry.

So, let’s say, someone you know has been in this vicious circle of feeling down, depressed and lonely and turning to porn and masturbation to medicate her/his unwanted feelings and emotions.  What does she/he need to do?

She/he needs to seek help from others. She/he needs to build a healthy relationship with other spiritually strong people so that she/he can confess her/his sins to the people they know her/him well and can hold her/him accountable. The Bible says, “Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” (Proverbs 28:13)

And the Bible says: “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be HEALED. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”(James 5:16)

What fascinates and comforts me the most about our brain is this: As it can be wrongly trained to lead us to death; it can correctly be re-trained to lead us to life. It just needs time! For our brain to be reprogrammed correctly, for us to transform our life by “the renewing of our mind” (Romans 12:2), it takes time. We can’t do it in one day or within a short period of time. So, we need to be gracious and patient with ourselves as well as other we are helping. ///