Lying down on her back, she looked through the window which was next to the bed. She kept on thinking if her decision to have sex before marriage was right. She wanted to give lots of good reasons to quieten her soul but none of those reasons were good enough.
She quietly said, “I wish I was living with my family.” She didn’t know how that could have saved her from her decision.
It’s been almost three years since she moved out of her parents’ house. She now lives four hours’ away from home. She tries to keep in touch with her family over the phone. Last time when she talked to her mom, she told her about the man she was seeing. After her mom heard her talk about him for almost half an hour, she said, “Precious, I hope you won’t forget what you promised.”
She quickly asked, “What did I promise, mom?”
Her mom paused for a moment and said, “Well, if you forget, let me refresh your memory. You said that you won’t sleep with anyone before your wedding night, didn’t you say that?”
Smiling, she said, “Yes, mom, I said that and I don’t know why you worry about that too much. After all, this is the man I am going to marry.”
Her mom sighed and said, “I pray so; but don’t forget you said the same thing about the previous man.”
“No, no, no, mom! I know so; this man is the man I’m going to marry. He is exceptional!”
While she was thinking about this conversation she had with her mom, she turned to her right side to see if the man who was sleeping next to her was up. He was sound asleep, as if he took a sleeping pill. Turning back to her left to gaze outside the window, she asked herself, “Is this what sex is all about? How come I didn’t feel a thing? Where is the sex pleasure my friends talked about? He seemed happy with it. I guess sex must be like this. No, it shouldn’t be. I have to feel something; but I didn’t, except pain. Why do I feel bad anyways? Why am I regretting this? Everybody is doing this anyways. Why is it different for me?”
She wanted to stop her brain from thinking but the more she tried to stop, the harder it got. Then she left the bed. When she pulled herself out of the bed, the young man woke up and said, “Are you okay?”
She said, “I’m okay. I just want to drink water.”
He said, “I can get it for you.”
“No, it’s okay. I want to stop by the bathroom. Go back to sleep.”
She went to the kitchen and got a glass of water and went to the living room and sat on the sofa. She didn’t need to turn on the light because the bright summer moon gave the room enough light. She wanted to pray but didn’t know what or how to pray. She looked at her watch; it was only 9:30pm.
She kept on asking herself, “How can I spend the whole night like this? Why am I regretting this? I’m going to marry him. I’m going to be his wife and he is going to be my husband. Sex is something we are going to do throughout our married life anyways. What is the difference here? The only thing missing is the marriage certificate which is only a paper.”
She wanted to cry but didn’t know why she wanted to cry. She wanted to call someone, but who?
Her tears began rolling over her cheeks. She tried to wipe them off but before she finished wiping, more tears gushed out of her eyes. When she got up to get a paper tissue, she heard him coming from the bedroom. He turned on the light and asked, “Is everything okay?”
Without looking at his face, she replied, “Please give me few minutes. I want to be by myself.”
“Hey, take it easy. What is happening to you?”
She ignored him and went to the restroom and locked the door.
He sat down on the sofa and picked up his phone. He saw a text from a girl he slept with two weeks ago. She was a virgin too. She kept on calling him since that day but he couldn’t find time to call or see her since he was very busy convincing this girl to sleep with him. So, with full confidence he began typing his reply saying, “I made a big mistake and I need to make things right with God. Please do the same thing. Sex before marriage is a sin. So, we sinned against God and please make your life right with God and I am doing the same thing right now. Please don’t call me again.”
He read his text to himself to make sure that he wrote what he wanted to say, and pressed send.
He got up and went to the bathroom, and hollered, “Hey, I’m going out to grab something to eat. Do you want anything?” She hollered back saying, “No, I don’t want anything. You go ahead.”
After she heard the outside door closed, she came out and went to the living room; turned off the light and sat down on the same spot.
Then she noticed that he left his phone on the table. Purposelessly, she reached out to his phone and opened it and began reading his latest text.
She knows the girl. They sing together in their church choir. She’s never seen her with him and didn’t even know that she knew him before.
Her heart began beating so fast that she felt like she was about to throw up. As if someone was about to catch her, she quickly went to the bedroom and grabbed her stuff and ran to the door. She was crying and at the same time saying things which didn’t make a lot of sense: “He is done with you too. Oh, my! I’m so scared. Oh, God! No, I guess I can’t call God because, oh, my gosh, I think I am going to die. What if I’m pregnant? No, I was a virgin; I can’t get pregnant; oh, no, there is no such a thing – – -”
Just when she got to the door, he opened the door; apparently remembering that he forgot his phone.
Clinging to the wall, she cried, “Please don’t hurt me!” She didn’t even know why she said that.
“What is going on? Why are you acting weird?” He acted as if nothing happened. When he tried to hold her arm, she grabbed the door and said, “I want to go.” He didn’t fight with her. He just let her go.
She ran to her car as fast as she could. Standing at his door, he smiled and said, “You can go now,” and he slammed the door behind him. ///
P. S. Why are stories such as this one becoming common? Why do young girls give in to the lie of the devil so quickly? What is the best way to communicate, “Sex before marriage brings only pain, hurt, guilt, shame, regret, despair, depression, fear and even death” message to the young girls so that the next girl can be spared?