A4P Guest: “I’m confused. I read some of your posts where you talked about how important marital sexual intimacy is and how married couples have to make sure that they make love as often as they can. I also heard on one of your messages you uploaded on the A4P YouTube channel where you said, “Sexless marriages are dangerous marriages.” Now in your latest post, you said, “Sex is not a necessity.” Am I missing something or did you make a mistake? I always notice how an important role sex plays in the health of my own marriage. And I don’t know if my marriage survives without sex. I believe sex is a necessity.”
A4P: Well, the Bible says, “We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.” (James 3:2)
I am not yet there for me to say, “You can’t find fault or mistake in what I say or write.” I guess I will say that in my Complete Glorification Day but until that day comes, bear with me if you find a mistake in what I say or write.
However, in the issue you raised, there is no mistake. You just misunderstood me, I think.
From what you wrote me, I see that you understood the importance of sexual intimacy for the health of a marriage. So, I don’t think I need to expound on that.
Your misunderstanding seems to be on the statement I said or wrote that goes like this: “Sex is not a necessity.”
So, let me start with the definition of the word “necessity.” Necessity is defined as an unavoidable need; an imperative requirement; or indispensable need.
So, if you notice in my latest post regarding what necessity is, I gave few examples saying water, food and shelter.
If you don’t have these basic necessities, you will die. That means your life pretty much hangs on these three vitally important basic needs. If you don’t have one of these three things, you will die. And in your “cause of death statement”, it will be written something like, “So and so died from malnutrition” or “Hypothermia.”
There has never been a “cause of death statement” that goes like this: “She died because of lack of sex” or “She died because her husband can’t perform in the bedroom” or “She died because she didn’t have sex for the last forty years,” or “He died because of too much sperm build up.” Or, “He died because he stayed away from masturbation and viewing porn.”
There has never been a story like that unless in a comedy show; and that is how they hijacked our thinking and imagination of what sex is all about.
If sex was a necessity for our existence as water, food and shelter are, all singles, faithful followers of Jesus Christ, who STAYED AWAY from any sexual activity including masturbation and viewing porn, kissing, petting, cuddling and touching (of their girl/boyfriend’s body) would have been dead a long time ago. But they are not dead, my dearest. They are actually very much alive as holiness takes over their life from the inside out! There might not be a TV show done on their life story or an article written on their names but they are very much famous in their Father’s eyes because they trusted Him to take care of all their needs, including their sexual needs. The Bible says:
“You will keep in perfect peace
those whose minds are steadfast,
because they trust in you.” (Isaiah 26:3)
Not only singles but married couples who face health issues that prevent them from engaging in sexual intimacy would have been dead too a long time ago. But they didn’t die and their marriages didn’t end up in divorce. They made it till the end because they trusted God to take care of them and their needs. That is what I mean when I say, sex is not a necessity.
Before I let you go, though, let me say this: You said, you can’t imagine your marriage making it without sex. It sounds like you will divorce your husband if he can’t perform in the bedroom. Am I right in my assumption? If I am, I think you have a very distorted view of what biblical marriage and sexual intimacy are. If the health of your marriage hangs on the sex, you will face lots of heartaches, hurts, pains, disappointments and more. I advise you to learn to hang your marriage on the promises of God to help you keep your commitment and dedication to hold on to the covenantal wedding vows which go like this: “I take you as my husband from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.” ///