When our daughter was a little girl, like three or four years old, the most exciting day for her used to be the day I made her hair differently. She looks at herself in the mirror, admiring her beauty she asks: “Do you think my dad will recognize me?” I always respond, “I doubt it.”
She waits for him as if nobody’s business. Every now and then, she looks out of the window to see if her dad is back from work. So, I usually call my husband and give him heads up. So, he comes home and says, “Where is my daughter? And, who is this cute girl here?”
Oh, my! She dances, jumps up and down, falls on the floor, laughs hysterically and says, “My gosh! Mom, can you believe that! My dad didn’t recognize me!”
So, he picks her up and says, “Is this cute girl my daughter? I can’t believe this! Are you really my daughter?”
Smiling and staring at her dad’s eyes, she nodes as if to say, “Yep! The beautiful girl you are looking at is me!” Wow! Her face radiates with joy and gladness. She looks content with life as she hears those words of affirmation from the one man she so desires to hear them.
The boys, well, they don’t care if their dad thinks they are cute or not. All they care is first, whether they are the ones to take their dad down on the floor or not; and second, whether they are the ones to take their mother’s attention or not. That is all!
Our oldest son, when he was around three, one day he said to his dad, “Don’t kiss my mom on her lips.” It was kind of an order than a suggestion. The funny part is: My husband got ticked off. He said to him, “Dude, this woman is mine!” I am like, “Hey, this is a little boy; just say, okay I won’t kiss your mom.”
My husband turned to me and said, “Are you serious? The boy has to learn that fact early on.”
From that day on until he became a little order than six, our son used to hold my mouth whenever my husband tries to kiss me. He says to him, “You can kiss my hand, not my mom’s lips.”
Why? For boys, they see their father as a competitor to win the heart and attention of the one woman they treasure the most, their mother.
Other than wanting to make their mother as their own, boys also want to take their father down physically. Yes, our boys used to jump on their father when he comes home and ask him, “You can’t take us both, can you?” I mean, he can throw both of them out of the window with his pinky but he gives in to their kicks and pushes and falls on the floor to make their day.
And whenever he touches the floor, they call out for me to show me how they slain the giant. I mean I am the one they want to impress; so, I give each one of them a strong high five. That is like their accomplishment for the day.
Well, today, that is a different story. My poor husband doesn’t take any of their “Do you want a piece of me” kind of invitation lightly. He takes them at their word and engages them in a fight. There is still arm wrestling in our home.
The funny part for me personally is the part when the boys kick their dad away from his wife, fighting to win their mama’s attention. I know I love that fight and to tell you the truth, I enjoy seeing three boys fighting for me. I mean, dah, I am a woman! I love that!
Our older son, now being sixteen and half, kind of giving up on winning his mama’s attention and gave the way to the rightful man knowing that his girl is out there in the yonder and it is up to him to go out, look for her, find her and impress her more than the other men so that he will make her his own.
But for our little one, who is soon going to be thirteen, it is still a struggle to let his father enjoy the freedom of winning his wife’s attention without any competitor. He is not giving up!
The other day, I was not feeling okay, and I was in my bed. At the end of the day, after all came from school and my husband from work, my youngest son asked me if I wanted to eat something. I said, “No, I’m okay.” So, he left. Then my husband came and asked me the same question and I replied, “Sure, I want to eat something.”
I totally forgot that my son have asked me that same question few minutes ago. My son, hearing what I’ve said to my husband, came to me and said, “I’ve asked you that and you’ve said you’re okay.” Pushing his dad away, he said, “I will get you something, mom. What do you want?”
I winked at my husband and said, “Okay, can you get me rice with sauce with a small bowl?” He said, “Sure mom!”
Then it took him a while before I heard his footsteps. When he opened my bedroom door, the young man came with a black blazer, a small towel hanging on his left arm, holding the plate on his left hand. When he opens the door on his right hand with a big smile on his face, he looks like one of those professional five star hotel room servers. I got up and said, “Oh, my! Thank you so much sir!”
He said, “No problem, ma’am! Is there anything I can get you tonight?”
I said, “No at all, sir! This should do it!”
He stood there until I took a bit as if he made the dish and wanted to hear my “Wow!”(I mean I made that dish; but I can’t say that now. This is a very serious moment for this young man who is trying to impress a girl; or I will say, who is in training to know how to impress a girl better than the other man).
So, I said, “This must be off the menu because I didn’t see this dish listed on the menu.”
He said laughingly, “Yes, it is off the menu and its name is – – -” He named it at the spot. A very funny name but I forgot.
I said, “That is a beautiful name but I may not remember it when I come next time. Would you please remember to bring me this dish every time I come to this hotel?”
“I sure will!” He said and jumped on my bed as if to say, “Mission accomplished! The girl is impressed! The other man lost; I won!”
My husband already left “the ring” to let the young man win the game all by himself; knowing that he impressed his own girl for life and no one can argue about that.
When I finished eating, he took the plate from my hand and off he went.
Lying down on my back, staring at the ceiling, I thought how sacred it is to be a father! Wow! What a call!
I, his wife, want my husband to love, treasure, and cherish me so that I will do a good job on my role as a wife and a mother, my daughter wants him to tell her that she is a knock out every time she passes him by so that she won’t look for that affirmation in all the wrong places; and the boys want to know if their father believes in them that they have what it takes to be a man so that they won’t lose confidence when the time comes for them to be in the ring.
Can you then imagine when this father figure is missing from a family? (Missing physically or mentally and emotionally? Or both?) Can you just imagine the impact it has on the family if the devil manages to take the father out of the game of fatherhood through porn addiction, adultery, divorce, and what have you? It is like wiping out a generation!
Some argue saying that a single mom can do it all by herself! Really? They also add, “President Obama is a son of a single woman; Dr. Ben Carson is a son of a single mom; Pastor Charles Stanley is a son of a single mom.” Granted! They all are but they are one in a million.
If studies after studies have shown that more than 85% of prison inmates are men without a father figure in their life; almost all death row inmates are men and they all don’t have a father, most kids who are drug addicts and are involved in a very risky lifestyle don’t have a father; most kids with some sort of behavioral problems in schools don’t have a father, a young girl with sexual addiction and who leads a sexually promiscuous lifestyle usually doesn’t have a father figure or a loving father in her life, is it exaggeration for one to make a statement such as this one: “A role of a man in a family can make or break a society?” I don’t think so!
Sure, the presence of a father is not a 100% guarantee to make the future of his kids’ life bright, shiny and smooth. After everything is said and done, those kids will grow up, become adults and have to choose which way to go in life for them to own it all. But if all fathers fight for the life of their kids as if their kids’ future is on their hand, they will definitely be a reason to salvage a society and a generation at large. ///