A4P Guest: “I’m a 29 year-old single woman. I have a problem of viewing porn and masturbation. I’m a born-again Christian and heavily involved in my church ministry. Am I considered a sexually addicted person or a person with a sexual sin problem?”
A4P: An excellent question!
Having sexual addiction problem and sexual sin problem are two different things but both are considered sinful before God. Sexual intimacy is considered holy before God ONLY when it occurs in a one-flesh relationship of one man and one woman who are married to each other.
If you make a mistake or two after you find yourself in a very “hard-to-resist” kind of tempting environment, that may be considered as a sexual sin or problem. But being addicted to sexual sin is a completely different game.
You are considered a sexually addicted person if you have the following characteristics:
1. If you feel like you have to view porn and masturbate even when YOU DON’T WANT TO, even after praying and fasting, promising to yourself and God never to do it;
2. If you spend most of your time thinking about which porn site to visit and where to find a different porn movie and how to masturbate, losing focus on your school work, job and family responsibilities;
3. If you are doing it regardless of the danger it brings to your life, health, and relationship you have with the Holy Spirit and others!
Let’s say, your husband found you viewing porn in the middle of the night and gave you a last warning saying, “If I ever find you doing this thing, I will walk out of this marriage.” And you know for sure that it is risky for you to view porn again but you find yourself doing it again and again and again regardless of the consequence it may bring to your life; and
4. If you escalate from one activity to another to find the same kind of sexual excitement as before!
If your problem is described in these four characteristics, you may very well be categorized as a sexually addicted person and you need to seek help from the people who know you; the people you worship God with. You may need to seek help from a profession Christian counselors; but counseling may not be enough in some cases. You may need to visit a psychiatrist too to rule out any mental ailment since sexual addiction has a tendency to pair up with some mental ailments such as depression.
Remember one thing here: If you are a sexually addicted person, YOU CANNOT COME OUT OF IT ALONE! You need others!
You are the CHILD OF God and you are part of the body of Christ. Your healing and well-being are found in the Body of Christ. Don’t look for that magic prayer, a one-time fix. Don’t go around and look for that fix which happens in a SECRET, alone while you are separated from the body of Christ! Attach to the Body of Christ and receive your healing and deliverance as you let others come and speak the truth into your life!
One last important truth: Your victory is a journey; not an EVENT which happens in a conference. Sexually pure life is a life you choose to live on a daily basis; it is not a gift you receive at a conference of an anointed preacher (2 Timothy 2:22). ///