Sex in a Dream

One of the young men who came to me for help this week had this problem: He often sees in his dream having sex with the same woman. This woman is not the woman he knows in real life, he only knows her in his dream. He finds himself being orgasmic whenever he sees this dream. Here is his whole story:

(Thank you my dear brother for letting me use your story and your question. May the LORD bless you!)

“I am 25 years old. I was born and raised in one small town in Ethiopia. I grew up in a Christian home and I’ve been following Christ and His ways as long as I know. When I turned 15, one day, in the middle of the night, while I was in a deep sleep, I heard a footstep and saw a woman approaching my bed. Then she had intercourse with me without my permission. I tried to fight her back but I couldn’t. When I woke up, my pajama and bed sheet were a mess. I thought there was someone in my bedroom. I got up from my bed and checked my bedroom door. It was locked from the inside, as I left it in the evening. I was scared and terrified by that incident. I couldn’t ask or tell anyone because I didn’t even know what to ask and who. So, I kept it to myself. From that night on, this woman began to come in the middle of the night, sometimes once in a month or so. Now I moved to the US like three years ago and this woman tends to come in the middle of the night, as often as three or four times a week. I’m now exhausted to the point of getting tired all the time. I’m also spiritually and emotionally tired.

Missy, I read most of your posts about sexual purity and immorality and watched most of your YouTube messages. I don’t want you to assume that I am in porn and masturbation addictions because I’m not in any of those stuffs. Since childhood, I kept myself away from those kinds of stuffs. I have never slept with any woman in my life and I don’t have a plan to do so before marriage. I want to live for God and His Will.

But this woman in my dream drives me crazy. I now struggle to pray and worship God. My spiritual life has been affected at all levels. I prayed and prayed about this thing but it is actually getting worse than better. What should I do?”

Having sex in a dream can happen to anyone. And no one, who is in Christ Jesus, will enjoy that and say, “Praise the LORD! I had sex in my dream!”

No one will say that! It makes you feel dirty and sometimes you may even hate yourself for seeing that kind of dream. Some avoid going to bed until they get very tired so that they won’t see any dream. Some people told me that they hate seeing sex in their dream so much that they always sleep half way to wake up before they become orgasmic.

After being sexually promiscuous, a woman may struggle with this kind of dreams; that is like a sign that her body demands the lifestyle she left behind. But as she grows in the LORD, in the Word of God; learn to have constant fellowship with the Holy Spirit and other believers, it will slowly but surely disappears from her life.

Some married couples, if they avoid sex because they have a fight or conflict or for whatever reason, they too dream about sex; their body “respectfully asking” them to give it what is lawfully belongs to it.

Some argue that seeing sexual dream is okay for a Christian and one cannot be hold accountable for it but as I stated earlier, no Christian can feel “okay” for seeing sex in their dream. Though the Bible is silent on this regard, our conscious can witness with us what belongs to God or what does not belong to God. So, it is easy to arrive to a decision that sex in a dream is not a blessing from the Spirit of God; one has to find the source of it and fight it back; confess it as sin and align their lifestyles with the Word of God.

But for a person such as my dear brother who shared with us his story, where a person strives to lead a sexually pure life but has this struggle, what he/she needs is not counseling; but prayer because this is one of the works of the devil, the work of the demonic spirit. This is a bondage which can only be broken by the anointed prayer of those who are in the work of the body of Christ. (This kind of attack may come from close family members who are in cult and demonic worship.)

I believe God is the One to put people in the church office. They may not be as perfect as we want them be (which is impossible for any man to be, except the Son of God), but God uses them every day.

So, my advice to anyone in the same situation as my brother is this:

Go to your local church leaders and elders and ask them to put oil on your head and/or forehead and pray for you (this is a biblical practice, according to James 5 and other Bible passages). Before they pray for you, tell them in detail about your story so that they won’t think that you are possessed by the devil. Please go to those who know how to deal with demonic spirits and know how these evil spirits work (according to what the Bible teaches us). Some people try to “rebuke” the devil out of anyone and everyone; for all and every problem and sickness, including people’s personality problems. I think that is not biblical. There is a situation one can be possessed by evil spirits and/or influenced by them. However once a person is indwelt by the Spirit of God, devil won’t have a chance to possess that person but the evil spirit can influence the life of the believers and this is one good example of that.

Remember, when I give this advice, for the person who struggles with “sex in a dream” kind of problem, I am assuming the following things in their life: That they are not living in sin (that they are not for example, homosexuals, or live in fornication and adultery); taht they don’t go around and kiss, caress and pet a girl (or a man); taht they don’t expose their eyes and ears to the things which are not lawfully and legitimately theirs; they don’t sit in front of TV or laptop and watch all those late night shows; that they are very far from porn and sexually explicit movies, that their spiritual life and their fellowship with the Spirit of God and other believers are good and intact.

If one of my assumptions are wrong in their life, then they may need to get some mentoring and counseling because those things which we let our eyes watch, our ears hear and our mind dwell on are ultimately the ones to lead our life, whether in our dreams or in our real “daytime” lives.

If I’m right with all my assumptions, then I advise that they go to their local church ministers and let them anoint and pray for them. ///