Sex before Marriage

Let’s first see a theoretical story as an example for the many similar real and true stories I frequently encounter in my ministry:

A couple, while they were dating, they kept on putting themselves in a very tempting environment. Their relationship didn’t start that way. Both of them had clear boundaries when it comes to sexual purity and they communicated that clearly but they let one compromise sneak in to their relationship.

One compromise led to the other, one day they dared to be alone in one room. They thought that all this kissing business was just being legalistic and decided to kiss; and continued to kiss every time they see each other. They started kissing to the point of having an “orgasmic feeling” and they loved it. The fact that they felt that way without doing the actual sex gave them comfort to move on with their kissing business and other stuff. They ignored everything they taught and knew to be true because they found themselves hooked in the sexual temptation. Their soul and spirit were witnessing with their conscience saying that it was wrong but they encouraged each other to remain in it. So at the end, few months into their wedding, they decided to do sex. Their experience was off the roof. They felt like they were born all over again. They, for a moment, thought that they were “raptured” to another beautiful world and came back. They even wanted to write a book or start a blog to write and share with others what sex and love are all about. They saw each other as if they were hand-picked by God to be together. They felt like they wanted to “announce” what had happened in that secluded area but they knew that they couldn’t do it because they stole the sex.

So they rushed through their wedding ceremony and rushed to their hotel room they rented for their one week honeymoon stay. Then the unthinkable happened! To their surprise, they found out that the husband couldn’t even perform. The bride lost all her curiosity and enthusiasm to be with the man she thought could sexually satisfy her for the rest of her life. How can this possibly happen?

When unmarried people choose to do sex before they get married, they are stealing the sex from God, each other, their pastors and ministers and from their families and friends. They know that they are stealing the sex because they are hiding it from everybody (but of course they can’t hide it from God). That tension of being hidden creates excitement in their body. That excitement calls for the notorious hormones known as “fight-or-flight” hormones. These hormones are called, in addition to the known “the cuddle hormone” and other sex hormones, to get involved in the stolen sexual activity.

I love to call this sexual activity as: “Double-Dose-packed-sex”.

In most similar scenarios where a couple steals sex before marriage and heads to marriage, the triple or quadruple dosed sex disappears (from day one or after few months). Why? They are married now and they are not stealing the sex; everybody knows that they are having sex, even their pastor knows that; there is no excitement of seeing each other’s naked body because this is the body they are going to see for the rest of their life. So, sex becomes the hardest work of all things. Their sexual part of life becomes one of their daily house chores. (At this point some couples decide to resort to inviting porn into their bedroom just to warm their bedroom up a little – that is like calling the devil to destroy them and their marriages!)

There is nothing wrong to the hormones but nobody can maintain that high dosed sex every time sex happens. For those multiple hormones to come out at the same time the sex have to be stolen and the body they are seeing has to be new EVERY TIME. Do you see the danger of it all?

The body that is addicted to this highly dosed sex demands change of person, environment, and other unthinkable things to get involved in the sex so that the high level of excitement calls for those hormones to keep coming. Remember, we are not created for this kind of highly dosed sex because it is dangerous for our blood, our organs mainly heart, kidney and dangerous mainly for our brain which is the very important organ for sex.

My friend, let’s believe God in this that He will never keep away anything that is good for us! Whatever He already gave us is EXCELLENT AND ENOUGH!

The highly dosed sex is a very addictive sex. People who are addicted to this kind of sex detach love and honor from the sex and they tend to see the person they are doing sex with as “a sex object”.

Couples, who are involved in a premarital sex, have to seek the counsel of a spiritual person to whom they confess their sin and repent. They have to first get married and start from there, as fresh. They have to learn to have sex in the pure environment and their body, especially their brain has to learn how to respond to normal sexual stimuli. It requires patience on their part.

When people, (mainly men) who are addicted to this kind of sex, find themselves in marriage, they get confused. They may do everything to keep the marriage but they find it hard to enjoy their marital sex. They want to go around looking for that high dosed sex. That means, infidelity might be their number one marital problem and they have a chance to be victims of an adulteress woman.

The adulteress woman whose husband went to a business trip is inviting another man to sleep with her like this: ““Stolen water is sweet; food eaten in secret is delicious!”” Proverbs 9:17

Let me change this Bible verse a little so to bring the message home: Stolen sex is sweet; sex taken in secret is delicious.

Because of the highly hormonally dosed sex, stolen sex is exceptionally sweet and delicious BUT ONLY FOR A SEASON. The purely dosed sex is beyond sweet and delicious; it is pleasurable for season and for a lifetime without involving any guilt, shame, stress, despair, depression, etc.

Before I close this article, let me share with you, how a sexually pure bride is inviting and enticing her man for sex:

“Awake, north wind,
and come, south wind!
Blow on my garden,
that its fragrance may spread everywhere.
Let my beloved come into his garden
and taste its choice fruits.” (Song of Songs 4:16)

She is an amazingly romantic girl who knows her man well to take care of him in the side he needs to be taken care of.

She is enticing and sexually seducing her husband at the presence of the Holy of holies! That kind of enticement is not only sweet and delicious but extremely fulfilling at the soul, spirit and body level; giving pleasure that lasts, not only for a moment or season but also for a lifetime. ///