It was a very gradual process for me to come in contact with pornography. I was a very sexually curious kid long before porn.
Since the age of 10 or so, I used to have sexual talks with older friends and other guys. But I discovered about masturbation by myself and I used to do it alone or with a friend around the age of 12-13.
After I discovered the short and quick pleasure of orgasm, my mind became infested with sexual and dirty thoughts so much that I couldn’t concentrate on anything for longer than 20 minutes. Everything I see became sexualized before my eyes.
People of God, you can only guess how difficult this is for me to admit but let me tell you this: I even started peeping on my own mother, MY OWN MOTHER, and other grown up women (like our maids) when they were using our toilet. At this point in my life the devil took full control of me and started feeding me lies and accusations like “You are good for nothing, you are a useless person and a disgrace as a son who peeps on his own mother”.
It was around this moment that I discovered pornography on the Internet. Porn on the Internet was like a big “feast” for my already damaged, depressed, and sinful mind. From that time on, my life had never been the same!
After I knew about porn, I became more secretive and I was keeping everything to myself. I stopped telling my friends about my practices.
Take note, I grew up in a house with good Christian parents and I am their eldest son. But there was no one to talk to about these issues because I was afraid of being judged at that age. I grew a facade that pretended that all was well even though my inside was as dead and empty as a grave. I hated to go to church because I thought if I go there, God might reveal my dark secret before the congregation (through a prophet or something).
Oh, how Satan led me to think that my loving God hated me and wanted to expose and disgrace me at the very first chance He gets.
But my God was always telling me how much He loved me and what I meant to Him at the very few and slim encounters I had with Him.
I didn’t totally stop going to church but if I decided to go, I used to sit outside or at the very back of the church pew until the service ended.
I was very depressed most of my days. The more depressed I was, the more I began to spend time, watching porn videos. The more I watched porn, the more I discovered the nastiest and filthiest stuff ever.
Then I slowly discovered that I was completely powerless under the yoke of porn and masturbation. I became so lazy that I hated even getting out of my bed. I needed porn on a daily basis to cope up with my ever increasing depression and frustration. My performance in school plummeted and my self-confidence washed away. I became desperate and started going to prayer meetings thinking that someone might just lay their hands on me to get rid of all those addictions from my life instantly. I hated God for not rescuing me from this curse.
But know one thing here, Beloved people of God, I took no step to get better; I talked to no one!
After I joined the university I am now attending, the first thing I was required to have as one of the necessary equipments was a laptop. Then my own and personal laptop opened up a whole lot of new opportunities and excuses for me to watch more porn videos than before. I downloaded so much porn videos that I was watching porn offline anywhere and everywhere I wanted to.
I began spending half of my day watching porn. I stayed up late to watch porn and masturbate. Spirituality lost its taste for me, but there were rare moments where I missed Jesus. I would start reading the Bible and cry but I always got discouraged and stopped quickly.
There were times where I deleted my porn collections; but I always went back to it within a short period of time and I all over again downloaded several gigabytes within a blink.
Then while I was in the middle of all these, few months ago, I ran into the Appeal for Purity’s (A4P’s) Facebook page!
Oh, how I love and bless the day my Jesus led me to this page. I first thought it was a mere coincidence for me to ran into this page but lovely people of God, I now know that it was a coincidence but part of God’s master-plan for my life.
I was checking some girl’s page and I saw her likes and A4P was one of them. I clicked it and I saw God in it like I have never seen Him before.
I was stunned by the level of frankness and honesty my problems were being discussed. I didn’t know that other people had the same problem as mine.
Friends, if your friends and families don’t already know about this page, you are punishing them! You have no idea how many people are silently struggling with porn addiction; people you know very closely.
So, God found me at my WEAKEST point! I wasn’t trying to do anything about my addiction but gradually I was very overwhelmed by the love of God I felt through Missy’s writings.
Missyie, you have no idea how much a blessing and an active hand of God you are for this generation! I will say God bless you even if I know He has already did abundantly.
After I came to A4P’s Facebook page, I battled with myself for two weeks before finally in-box Missy. And that was it!
I told Missy all my struggles, problems and my shame! I have never told my story to anybody. Missy was the first person I told my secrets to. She was very understanding and encouraging!
We inboxed back and forth a little and Jesus, my crown jewel, my all, began to be alive in me again.
It’s been now few months since I saw any porn videos.
I started reading Bible every day and every night! I started praying every day! I now feel the power of the Lord in my life! He encourages me, rebukes my sinful nature and feeds me His spiritual truth! He takes care of me literally every day!
My fellow Christians and non-Christians who are struggling with porn, please for once defeat the devil’s lies and inbox Missy!
You don’t know how happy I am that I did that! Porn lost its power on me once I invited someone into my life! There are moments that I get seriously tempted to go back to it. Mind you, coming out of porn addiction is the hardest thing to do in life, but the Holy Spirit fights for me always! I repeat the verses I have memorized whenever I get tempted and ask God to give me His strength which He always is swift to reply. Jesus came to me not because I was strong but so weak.
Friends, you don’t have to be strong to let Him inside you. Trust me He knows you more than you know yourself; He knows all your shames, darkest secrets and weaknesses and strengths.
I am now graduating this year from the university I’m attending now and I always wonder how I didn’t fail all my exams. It is because of God’s mercy that I’m able to get here!
Mark 2:17! “On hearing this, Jesus said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”
1 Corinthians 9:22! “To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people; that by all means I might save some.”
Just come to Jesus, He is nearer than you think!!
Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.
P. S. A note to the young of man of this story: My huts off to you, young man of God! I’m so proud of you! I can’t wait to see that blessed girl who is going to have you as her wedded husband! May the LORD continue blessing you! My friend, remember, the war is not over yet. It just started! Stay focused! I love and care for you! Take care!