A4P Guest: I read most of your articles but your last two articles about kissing changed my life forever! Thank you!
Now it is getting very hard for me to convince my girlfriend for her to embrace God’s standard of sexual purity. I told her to read some of your articles. She liked your page and read some and unliked your page the next day. I don’t know what to do?
A4P: You know, sometimes it takes time for all of us to take the Truth of God to heart and make it ours. We all need time to process it through. Sometimes we struggle and try to defend our side of the story. We may quote Bible verse here and there and try to give million excuses and explanations why we are right. And most of the time, we know that we are wrong but we do it anyways because we need time to let go to what we hold on to for years. And that my dear is not easy to do for all of us as it is for you.
The good news is the Truth of God patiently waits for us, unwaveringly. It changes us but no one and nothing can change it!
So, give her time. Approach her in love and respect. Try to understand why she is saying what she is saying. You see, we usually don’t choose sexual immorality because we are sexually immoral people but we have deep seated unresolved issues, hurts and pains which we bring with us wherever we go. We may be struggling with low self-esteem; inferiority and/or superiority complex, we may not know how to give and receive love; we might be rejected as a child and we fear being rejected as adults and the only way for us to make sure that one is not going to reject us is by taking control of the sexual side of life. So, bear with her. Don’t preach to her. Make sure you stand on your ground but not in a judgmental way. Be open to try to understand her. Listen to her heart and mind. However never try to comfort her by giving her what she is asking you. Stand your ground!
A4P Guest: Let me tell you more about our issue so that you will have a good understanding of what is going on. I’m not new to your page. I’ve been following you for the last seven months. My girlfriend and I were sexually active. We both go to church. She is in choir and I help out in the music department. The first day I read one of your articles about sex before marriage, I got convicted. I read it while I was at work. I couldn’t wait until I went home and I cried before God. I knew that day what has been destroying my life. I wanted to glorify my God in my sexual life. So, I called her and told her about your page. She read the article I read and she said, “she is writing what she thinks is right. She is entitled to her opinion. What is a big deal about that? We can’t put God in a box and say, sex before marriage is a sin.”
I was about to hung up the phone but I knew I shouldn’t act that way. I realized that she was not convicted but I told her that I wanted to stay away from sex. We were not doing sex every day or anything but like once a month. She was very upset with me. After that we never had sex but we continued kissing and everything else. I knew it was wrong but I felt like I needed to do it for her and I didn’t know how to tell her that it was wrong.
Now, after reading your article about kissing, I told her that I wanted to stop kissing and petting too. She was very upset with me.. She even said, “Is this woman your God or you are still following the God of the Bible? If you are following the God of the Bible, then God is not against love.” She always thinks that she knows everything about God and the Bible.
Right now, even seeing her makes me nervous. I feel like I am losing my relationship with Christ whenever I am with her. I think I am at the crossroad where I need to choose one road since I can’t take both. Do you think I am right to think that way?
A4P: It is a very sad reality. Yes, I believe you are right to think that. I think you have to let the girl go but don’t just shut her off. Tell her that you decided to move on with your life without her. Your decision may quicken something in her. I hope she won’t fake conviction but she may be willing to listen to you. Don’t force her to like my page. That won’t usually work. Instead, make the door open for her. Let her know that you still care about her. Tell her that you can be reached at the Cross of Jesus Christ and of course you make sure that you stay there. If she comes to you, she is yours brother! If she says “Good-bye,” let her go.
Oh, what a sad story! Many women out there are crying to convince their boyfriends to stay away from pre-marital sex; not the other way around. Yours is exceptional but not unique! Anyways, good luck my brother; and remember this: “If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you.” 1 Peter 4:14. ///