It is a process for a wife and a husband to become one. In the NASB version of the Bible, it says this way: “- – – a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”
“- – – they shall become one flesh,” is a process, not a one night honeymoon “fiesta”. The man and the woman have to leave their past (even their own father and mother) for them to cleave and be joined to be one (not to be “like one” but to be “one”). The man and the woman have to leave their past behind and give themselves to the marriage oneness process to take place smoothly. It is not only they leave their family but they have to leave their past relationships as well.
“His ex-girlfriend is his Facebook friend. And I don’t feel right. Do you think I’m jealous of my husband?”
No, I don’t think you are jealous of your husband. You are actually a loving wife to your husband.
It is right for a wife to ask her husband to close all his past “relationship files” so that he will do well in his lifetime relationship called marriage.
“But she is my good friend. I don’t love her anymore but I want to keep contact with her because she is my good friend. And after all, she is part of my group of friends.”
I don’t buy that kind of story. She may be your good friend but she was your girl-friend. And that spark of fire lives in your heart whether you like it or not. And it will be ignited when it gets a chance to sneak out. Why do you want to put yourself in that kind of dangerous place?
The one thing I noticed to be common is: Most people who had physical and sexual relationship with their “exes” want to keep their exes in their close “radar”. Yes, they already picked their spouse and they are in a marriage now but that “powerful physical bonds” which was created by all those sexual hormones exist. And the best way to destroy those bonds is by cutting off any contact with the exes.
“I get really mad whenever I see her. She used to sleep with my husband.”
Well, that is something else. I mean you have your man now. That is the bottom-line, I think. Leave his past behind.
But if he is playing around with his past, twitting his ex-girl-friend or dropping her “How have you been” kind of message once in awhile, tell him that you won’t play those kinds of games; and demand that he stops. If he doesn’t, find a marriage counselor to come between you two.
But if you get tempted to bring up his past and accuse him for what he did, seek help for yourself. Seek the face of God so that God will show you how much of your sins God had forgiven you to the point of giving you this man as a husband. I mean God would have given this man to some other woman but He gave him to you. So, enjoy being his wife and leave him alone regarding his past. “Accuser of brothers” is the devil (Revelation 12:10). If you keep on accusing your man about his past, you are in a way working for the devil. So, say “No” to that kind of “job.”
Rather, make it fun. Let’s say, if you and your husband go to a wedding party and happen to see his “ex-girlfriend,” give him a good fist bump and say to him something like “Thank you for picking me not her.” And the truth of the matter is he could have picked the other girl but he picked you.
But still don’t ever compromise on your marital relationship. Don’t ever accept any of your man’s excuse to continue to have a relationship with his “exes” whether on Facebook or any social media. Don’t even let him have her contact info on his phone book. You have to demand that.
When the marriage ride gets bumpy, we all want to turn to someone who we think can ease our pain and that will be a “hard-to-resist” temptation for any of us to say “No” to. And Facebook has been a faithful servant in that regard and a reason for so many divorces.
So, be a “suitable-helper” to your hubby. The original meaning of “suitable-helper” is a “life-saver.” Save his life from himself by demanding that he gets his acts together. How can he trust himself saying that he wouldn’t turn to his past? I mean, who on earth trust his/her flesh? Only a fool!
At the end, if you are a husband or a wife for that matter, destroy all your past relationship “files” and work hard on your current “file” so that your life will be simple and enjoyable! ///
P. S. I concentrated on the husband who is stubborn to let go of his past “exes” because that is the scenario I commonly come across.