Question of Identity

A4P Guest: “What do you think of homosexuality?”

A4P: Direct answer for your question is – I don’t think anything about homosexuality. I’m not sure what you’re trying to ask me and I don’t want to assume anything. If you have a specific question, state it clearly; for example: “Can I be a homosexual and be a born again Christian?” Or “I have strong same sex attraction and what do I need to do about it?” or something like that.

A4P Guest: Okay, let me ask you then. I’m a 23 year old girl. I have been a believer in Christ Jesus since I was 15 years old. I sing in my church choir and I am also involved in my church youth ministry. Whenever I think about relationship, I have this fear which overwhelms me. I sometimes sweat uncontrollably if a man approaches me for a relationship. I feel like I am more attracted to women than men. That thought, the thought of having same-sex attraction, creates so much distress in my life that I sometimes avoid going out of my house. If we hold hands to pray in the church, I sweat like crazy if the person next to me is a girl. If I mention this to anybody, I fear they will tell everybody and they will throw me out of the church. I don’t know what to do and where to go. What do I need to do? Am I going to be a lesbian?

A4P: Excellent question!

I’m so proud of you for seeking help and looking for an answer for your question. From your question, I sensed that you have no doubt that homosexuality is a sin. So, I don’t go on detail on explaining that but make sure you read Genesis chapter 19 and the book of Romans chapter one to find the glimpse of what homosexuality is before the eyes of God.

Whether your struggle is only at the thought level or goes deep down to the feeling and emotional level, know this: THERE IS HELP AND HOPE IN CHRIST!

Just like any other struggles we all have, this too is one of the struggles we humans have since the time of Genesis. From all spiritual struggles, homosexuality seems to be one of the struggles of our times, affecting many young people. Some people struggle with homosexuality even as a pastor of a church. Some of your friends might also have the same struggle as yours. They just don’t talk about it. What I’m saying this: You are not alone and your struggle is not “one of a kind”.

That being said though keeping your struggle as a secret is not good at all. It is good that you share this with me but you and I don’t know each other and we live in a different country. So, my help may not bring that much of a difference in your life. My advice for you is then to find someone in your church you can share your secret to. I know that is where it gets a little tricky and even scary, but I still encourage you to find someone you can open up to. Of course it won’t work if you tell your friends because they may abandon you and that may push you to homosexuality even more.

So, go to the pastor of your church or someone matured in the area of sin. If a person preaches and teaches only about how Jesus freed us all from all sin every time he stands behind the pulpit and doesn’t acknowledge how we people struggle with all sorts of sin, then he might not be a good candidate for you to go to. He may not have a gift of counseling in the area of sin. So, see if there are people who have this unique gift from God to help others in this kind of struggle.

Go to them and ask them for help but make sure you don’t see them as God. That means they can’t bring the healing you’re seeking to find and they can’t do the work they are going to tell you to do. The healing comes from God and the work (such as, walking the walk) has to be done by you. If they ask you to read about the stories of others who have been where you are now, for example about Alan Chambers (, it is your responsibility to read, not theirs. Whatever advice they are giving you, put their advice into practice. Whatever homework they give you, make sure you do it.

I want to warn you about two things here though:

First, know that your struggle might be for a short period or for a lifetime. Some people fight the temptation of homosexuality until they take their last breath. Precious, whatever your struggle is going to be, remember, there is an end to it! Just you make sure that you always choose to be on God’s side! Never accept any explanation or research finding that sets itself up against the Word and Will of God.

And the second thing is: The more you try to stop the thought of homosexuality, the stronger it gets every day. So, make sure you tap into the Word of God and mediate the Word of God every time a thought pops up. Redirecting your focus from homosexual thought to the Word of God is the best technique that works the best. Write Bible verses on those 3×5 index cards and carry them with you. When a thought comes, take those cards out and meditate on the Word.

Don’t ever think that you can do this by yourself. Make sure you surround yourself with people of God; not nominal Christians but real Christians who live for God.

You know what I am thinking right now? Well, I see you coming out of this struggle and becoming the hope and help for the next person who is going to struggle with same sex attraction. Yes, God loves to use those who walked through the darkest side of life. May the LORD finish He already began in you!

Your question is a question of identity and your identity is not found in your struggles but in Christ Jesus! Because of what Jesus did on the Cross for you, you are a DAUGHTER OF GOD! You don’t fight to be a daughter of God. You fight because you are a daughter of God. You fight because you don’t accept any other identity than the identity you have in Christ Jesus. And your identity in Christ Jesus is unchanging! It is eternal because Jesus paid an eternal price for it! He gave Himself up on the Cross so that you be a daughter of God! No struggle, no temptation, no suffering, no pain, nothing can change that! ///