This is one of the questions married people should not ask. “Is this the right person?” is a legitimate question for unmarried couples to ask before they tie the knot.
But, after marriage, that question is irrelevant. Asking God such a question after marriage is like asking God if He was sure of creating us. Did you hear me? Yes, after marriage, after a couple exchanges their vows and becomes one in sexual intimacy, the deal is closed. They are meant to be together until death do them part. The file is closed. We can’t bring the jury back to court again to reach to another verdict for the case that is closed.
I know this is not the world view when it comes to marriage but we are not of this world, are we? (John 15:19)
Whoever the person we are married to, he/she is the right person for us to stay married to. I know this is a tough reality or I will say “truth” to swallow especially if we are struggling to make it through another year without settling for divorce. But the truth is, given the Word and Will of God, our spouse is the person God wants us to stay married to till the end. Why? Because there is no perfect match for us; and please listen to this; we can’t be a perfect match to anyone either.
The person we picked to marry is the person God wants us to stay married to.
Why do people ask such a question after marriage? Well, there can be million reasons but the common ones are these: They believe that there is a perfect match for them out there; they believe that marriage should be perfect otherwise they conclude that the person they are married to must be the wrong one; they think that it is because of their spouse their marriage is falling apart; or they think that there is one person out there who can make their life better; or the famous one is this: They think that they have the option to stay married or find another marriage partner.
Well, that might be true to those who have no God but for us who are chosen to proclaim the goodness and praises of God we don’t have that option (1 Peter 2:9). Our only option is this: To make marriage for life!
Precious, be assured in this that no marriage is perfect; there is no marriage without some kind of “problem” or “defect”. That is just the fact of every marriage. We are imperfect people and how can we create a perfect environment when we’re joined together? We can’t. Actually one imperfect plus one imperfect is equal to “too many” imperfects. And adding the ups and downs of life and the ever changing seasons of life to that imperfection, we end up with nothing but chaos.
It is true that many of us get motivated with the story of Romeo and Juliet. We deeply desire to live that kind of romantic life for the rest of our lives. Well, do you know how many people watched the wedding of Prince William and Kate? Two billion! That is like one third of the world population. This tells us that most of us have this fantasy world where we are kings and queens of the palace, with perfect life, with a romantic spouse and having a fantastic sexual pleasure EVERYDAY. Well, it is okay to think like that when we were little kids but after we become adults, we should realize that those things are only found on movie screens, in fiction books and in our individual fantasy worlds; not in a real life.
Real life includes pain, suffering, joy, peace, tears of joy or sadness, laughter, sorrow, agony, comfort, hopelessness, contentment, sexual pleasure, sexual frustration, etc. Real life is a cocktail of different life experiences.
“Is this the person God wants me to marry?” comes to our mind when our realities don’t seem to match to our expectations of what life and marriage should be.
You see, unless we see our marital problems through the eyes of God, through the Word and Will of God, we will never stop marrying and divorcing.
So, let’s decide to match our views and perspectives regarding marriage and life with the Word and Will of God. Let’s be on God’s side. Let’s vouch for the idea of God regarding marriage. He said, He hates divorce (Malachi 2:16) and let’s start our fight from that side of the fence. That is called “a good fight”.
Let’s not ask if our spouses are the right ones for us to stay married to. If we start our fight from that side of the fence, we lose the war even before we go out and fight for our marriages.
Let’s start our fight from the victory side, saying, “Lord, thank you for giving me my spouse. Help me to glorify You at the end of all these”. Or, “Lord, I don’t like divorce because You hate divorce. So, help me seek help before my problem gets out of control.”
Remember, our victory is secured whenever we stand with the Will and Word of God; the side where victory is the only lot there is. When we vouch for the Truth of God, we go out for war as conquerors.
What am I saying? I’m saying: The person you are married to is the right person, the right one whom God wants you to stay married to. ///
P. S. The above advice can’t be biblically applied to a marriage where there is physical, mental, spiritual and emotional abuse because safety is the first priority. Where there is no safety, there is no marriage.