One of the most interesting questions I was asked this week

One of the most interesting questions I was asked this week was this:

“What is your take on the thought of “Woman’s role after marriage (which some tend to call it: Biblical Womanhood)? Certain groups of people from this group called "womanhood" are actually writing books and are saying that a woman after she is married, she has to work at home, take care of the household and raise her kids. They say that it is wrong to use birth control, it is wrong to send kids to school rather than home schooling them. They said that the husband is not only the head but the priest of the house. What do you think about these things?”

BTW, they also say that woman should never teach or preach.

Well, I love those people who stand behind the thought of “womanhood”. These people are the ones who are calling America and the Church back to their original place. These are the people who are receiving all the threat and hatred emails titled “You Bigots” whenever the definition of marriage is on the table. They are almost the only ones who appear on TV and mainstream media (MSM) to speak about faith, marriage and family according to the Word of God, fearlessly. They play the most important role on preserving the sanctity of human life since they are against any form of abortion.

Not only I love them but I support some of their ministries too (I wish I could support all their ministries). They ministered to me, personally, in a unique and godly way. I’m very thankful for them all!!!

Yes, I do love and support them BUT I don’t agree on some of their stands. Just because I disagree with some of their stands, I won’t hold my love and support from them.

As a rule of thumb, I believe, our love and support should win over our minor disagreements. I believe we should not let one or two disagreements divide us over. When we are divided, we lose power because the Spirit of God only works through love!!!

So, I agree with most of their stands but not all of them. That doesn’t mean that I will send them a hate email or rally against them, holding a sign that says “Go back to the 12th Century”.

Are you kidding? It is because of them that I’m freely able to launch a ministry such as "Appeal for Purity" which is touching on the very sensitive life issues of human life such as SEX, MARRIAGE BETWEEN ONE MAN AND ONE WOMAN and sexual purity!!! May the LORD increase their numbers throughout the world!!!

So, where do I disagree with them?

Okay, let’s see. They say, "It is wrong to use birth control."

Well, I give a four month long class, with a good brother and pastor of our church family ministry. It is a premarital class given to couples who are going to marriage this year (we give these classes every year). So, you can just imagine which topics I’m responsible to teach.

So, when I get to the birth control issue, I always say this: As a couple, please sit down and discuss your personal conviction around birth control. If you think that God convicted you both to

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use nothing whatsoever to prevent pregnancy, please by all means, follow your conviction. However, if, for example, a husband thinks that birth control is sin and if a wife thinks that it is good to use birth control, please don’t proceed to marriage because you will face serious conflict which may end your marriage.

Yes, it is a big issue. They have to be on the same page.

I personally don’t want to preach to anyone what to do in this regard. However, I will tell you what I know and understand to be against the Word of God and it is up to you to accept or reject it.

Fertilization begins within 24 hours of fertilization (the egg of the woman is being fertilized by the sperm of the husband). That fertilized egg is life, my Dear! That is not a piece of meat. Why? Because the Bible says this:

“For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book” Psalm 139: 13, 16

“Unformed body”, means, there is no leg, brain, heart or anything. It is unformed body and God is in the process of knitting it.

Another Bible verse that makes my eyes teary is this: “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you” (Jeremiah 1:5a)

My Dearest, I’m not only talking about a fertilized egg here but also about a life that is known only by God. This Bible verse tells us one big TRUTH! Are you ready??? Well, this Bible verse tells us that NO BABY IS AN ACCIDENT!!! They come because God already thought them even before they were knitted and formed in their mothers’ womb.

That being said, any procedure or medicine or method that prevents a fertilized egg from growing is against the Word of God; which makes the act sinful.

Some researchers said, “Today, the most risky and unsafe place for a kid to be found is not a public high school, or a college or a bad neighborhood in Africa but TO BE FOUND IN HIS MOTHER’S WOMB!” (They said this because of the increase in number of babies who get aborted every year. One abortion clinics, for example, in Chicago, their sewage system was clogged and when the maintenance people came, they found little babies’ body parts – you can find the news on Google).

Continuing on with the topic, all methods, medicines and procedures, which kill the “unformed body” of a baby are called abortion methods.

Let’s see some of them if they are considered as abortion methods. First, of course, we should know that the literal procedure of abortion is included in the category of a procedure which kills a baby – (any form of abortion which is done in all pregnancy stages are considered abortion or the killing of the baby. The barbaric method of abortion is the one they do when the baby comes out of his mother’s womb. It is called partial birth abortion. When they baby comes out of his mom’s body, it is his/her head that comes first; then the mom will be told not to push until they suck her baby’s brain out. Then the still or dead body of the baby will be cut into pieces so that it will come out easily. Google and learn from the women who let this procedure be done on them and who found it hard to forgive themselves. Very sad!)

Who tells us all these things? Who brings out all these things to light??? Mostly, people from “womanhood” group!!!

I know it is very hard to read this and hard for me to write it down but it is very necessary sometimes to spell everything. Why? I meet people who say to me, “I didn’t know that they were doing it this way. Now I regret that I let them do that barbaric procedure on me and my baby. How can I forgive myself?”

So, you and I can help create awareness everywhere we go so that no woman will be victim of ignorance.

By the way, abortion is a multimillion dollar business. Some think and claim that it is a non-profit business “to help women”. Outrageous!!! It is not helping women; it is destroying their spirit!!!

Some people say to me: “These people who do abortion are doing it to help woman not to be poor. They are very kind and they die for the cause to help all women because they are convinced by the safe method of abortion and how women are benefited from it.” Hilarious!!! (Those of you who are in Africa, take note of this because they are in every city of African, publicizing their abortion meds as birth control – I will come to this in the next paragraphs. Please read on).

My Dearest, abortion clinics are making million dollars by convincing people, like you and me, so that we decide to kill our own kids. Are you kidding? They should die for the cause because the cause is their only money generating avenue.

Well, if I’m asked to take one side from the two sides, the one side which is against birth control, and the other side which is for birth control, I will choose the one which is against because it doesn’t give flesh an opportunity to play with fire.

Few years ago, a lady called me. And she said she wanted to start one of the birth control methods. And she said, “What do you think of IUD?”

I said this to her in simple sentence: “I think and believe IUD is not a birth control method but a method which kills a fertilized egg. Yes, I know sometimes it may prevent the sperm from getting to the egg but there is evidence that shows that IUD preventing the implantation of a fertilized egg on a uterus or in another word “it prevents or stops the development of an the unformed body” of the baby.”

She said quickly, “I’m a Christian and I grow up in a Christian family. We all are Christians. Most my families are ministers. All the women in my family are using IUD as a birth control.”

I said, “Okay?”

She said, “I mean, what is wrong with it? All my family members said that it is safe.”

“First, something is safe doesn’t mean that it is right. Second, two wrongs don’t add up to make the action right. Because all your families use it doesn’t mean that it is a right method.”

She said, “But I don’t think it is wrong to use IUD.”

I said, “You asked me a question, I answered it to the best of my knowledge and conviction. Making a decision or a choice is yours.”

I sometimes get a little confused why people ask if they already made up their mind on the issue. I really don’t know!

Okay, the next idea of “womanhood” is this: “Home schooling kids is the best strategy to raise kids for the Kingdom of God. If we send them to school, we are sinning against God.”

I agree, but I don’t agree where they said that it is sin to send our kids to school. As we stay home with our kids, and train them up in ways they should go, we sure want them to stay outside bringing others to Christ. Do you know 70% of born again Christians come to Christ before the age of 18?

Yes, we need our kids to be out on a field, if you know what I mean.

If I decide to teach them home, the whole day, that is fine too as long as I give them a certain exposure to the outside world. But I believe that I won’t sin against God if I send them to school.

Another point, “It is sin for a woman to work outside of home”.

Well, I agree that it is the best way for we, mothers, to choose to stay home with our kids. But I don’t agree categorizing all women who are in the work force as sinners. For some, their work might be their call. I mean, it would have been wonderful if all mothers chose to stay home and raised their kids. That would be a gift for our society.

But I don’t know if it is wise to condemn those people who have to work outside their house for many reasons.

BTW, I am a full-time mom and I am doing my role of mothering with joy and happiness. But I refrain from considering those of my friends who work outside their house as sinners.

If it was sin for a woman to work outside of her house, Proverbs 31st woman would have been a candidate for hell. Precious, she was a very known and respected merchant. People may argue saying that she was doing her work at home. Well, she can’t do her business sitting in her kitchen. She didn’t have a laptop. As we read on Proverbs 31st, she had servants to take care of the house chores while she did what? Doing business; buying and selling.

Another womanhood’s people idea: “Husbands are not only leaders of their household but they are also priests of their household”, I agree 100% but they forgot that husbands are servants too as Jesus was to His Disciples (He washed their feet).

Another one, “Women should not speak in the church or teach.”

Well, I will be in trouble if I said I agree with this thought because I am one of the women who stand behind the pulpit.

Well: “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (Galatians 3:28) Did you hear that?

The one thing Jesus demolished from those religious society (Jews), the society He came from, was man’s supremacy. Beloved without Jesus, we women would have been continued to be looked at as a second citizen and/or (as I read it on the book of one particular religion), we would have been considered as “a piece of Lucifer” or as "a piece of hades (hell)” or even trash.

But Jesus set us all free, may all the glory and grace be to Him!!! So, NO ONE, I WILL SAY IT AGAIN, NO ONE CAN TAKE THAT FREEDOM AWAY FROM ME!!! (Read the story of Jesus in all four Books of the Gospel and notice what kinds of women Jesus chose to talk to, eat with, touch, heal and tell the Gospel to!!!! Just beautiful!!!)

I still believe, though, men should be at the leader position with some reservation (I have no problem with women being CEOs of a company but I choose – again, not to be divided over, but I choose a church to be led by a man.)

I will discuss some other time why Paul said those things some people (or I may say, respectfully, some men) get obsessed with (1 Corinthians 14).

Well, by now, you know where my stand is when it comes to the idea of womanhood. This is not all. I will deal with the rest of things another time. For now, I think this is enough. The bottom line is this: I LOVE THOSE PEOPLE WHO ARE FOR WOMANHOOD! And I agree with them in most of their points.

Aftershock Effect of Sex Outside of Marriage

“Before we got married, one day we found ourselves alone in my apartment and in the heat of it all, we had sex. We knew that it was sin against God but from that day on, we continued to have sex at least twice a week. We somehow couldn’t stop. We knowingly continued sinning against God. Every time we had sex, we enjoyed it even though we felt guilty all

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the time. We were looking forward to our marriage to do sex without feeling guilty. But after we got married, we have no sexual pleasure. It feels like getting married spoiled it all. It took all the sexual pleasure we used to experience. We confessed our sin and we even went to our pastor, told him everything and he prayed for us. But our marital bed becomes a war zone. I blame her and she blames me for our past sin. I can’t perform and she doesn’t have any sexual desire at all. I don’t feel anything looking at her naked body and she is not sensitive for any of my touch either. It’s now been eight months since we got married and we have no sexual pleasure at all. We both hate our bedroom. Other than confessing our sin to God and to our pastor, what else can we

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This is what I call “the aftershock” effect of sex outside marriage.

In medicine, when a patient goes to an emergency room for overdose or binge drinking or what have you, they first “detoxify” the person from the toxin before they treat the underlining addiction and/or psychological problems which led the person to that stage. This process is called “detoxification” (removal of the toxin). The goal in all detox is to bring the person back to normal.

Detoxification doesn’t treat the patient’s addiction problem or any underlying physical and/or psychological problems.

Detoxification is not an enjoyable process for the person who is addicted to a substance or to the person who wants to kill him/herself because it brings them back to normal. Their body will be free of the toxin. After detox, their brain won’t be cloudy anymore. They can see, hear and think clearly. They face the reality of their life clearly. Their psych is back to normal; at least for a time being.

Once patients are free of the toxin, they will immediately go back to their addiction the next day or try to kill themselves again unless otherwise they are put in some kind of treatment or therapy and/or counseling programs immediately after detox. Not only that but they have to have some sort of support system which may help them go through the process that may, in some cases, takes years. During this time, some may get depressed and feel hopeless. But as the day goes by, slowly but surely if they stay the course, they start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. They start embracing a life that is free of any toxin and/or psychological problems (such as depression or anxiety) which were destroying their lives from the inside out. Then they will look back and say “Was it me who was in that dungeon?”

Do you see where I’m going with that? Do you see the connection?

Just like that when people get involved in premarital sex, they will get contaminated by a toxin called sin. As they keep on taking that toxin, they get addicted to it.

The first day they face the full blown of the consequences of their sin is the day they get overdosed with the toxin (the Bible says: Your sin will find you out, Numbers 32:23).

And at this time they know that something is not right and they confess their sin. Then they will find out that confessing their sin is not going to solve their problem. So they go to their pastor and confess their sin. That is a process I call “spiritual detoxification”. Then most of the time, the couple wants to go home and enjoy sex.

But our mind, body and spirit can’t just switch from one lifestyle to another in one night (in unique and exceptional situations, visitation of God can do miracle in people’s life and their lives can be switched overnight from one extreme to another but this kind of visitation cannot be true for everyone).

So after a couple goes through a process called spiritual detoxification, they have to go through the process I call “all-around healing” which may take some time.

During the all-around healing process, their minds will be renewed by the Word of God. Their spiritual health receives major treatment as they sit and study the Word of God. They learn what marriage and sexual pleasure are all about according to the Word of God. They seek God with others who are sincerely and genuinely seek God and live for God.

Then they confidently declare their victory. After this step, most couples experience a sexual pleasure they never knew exist. What they called pleasure before they got married was nothing compare to the pleasure they are experiencing after they receive their “all around healing”. They can’t express this pleasure; only experience it.

To my surprise, in most cases, couples who go through these tough processes are the ones who seek close fellowship with God; they are the ones who seek God with all their hearts and minds; and most of the time, these couples are the ones who eventually choose to serve God and others.

Whenever I teach this topic to live audience, I sometimes see couples looking at each other, as if to say “We had sex before marriage but we didn’t go through this tough road she is talking about. We must be lucky or our sin might not be that bad.”

Oh, may the LORD reveal to them the truth. When they see and understand the truth as it is, they desire to be instruments of God; then their desire in turn puts them through the tough road of being set apart for God and the Work of God.

Good Marriages don’t just happen

Looking at a beautiful garden, will you say “they are lucky to have this garden”? No, you won’t because you know that it is not luck which gave them the beautiful garden but their hard work.

In the

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same way, beautiful marriages don’t just happen by chance or luck.

Own the Blame

Hmm, when we knowingly sin against God, we have nobody else to blame but ourselves.


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can’t say “I don’t have strength to say “No” to sin”, because God’s word says, “My grace is sufficient for you” (2 Corinthians 12:9). We can’t say, “I didn’t know”, because His Word says that we have received anointing from Him and we don’t need anyone to teach us (1 John 2:27). We can’t say, “I don’t have what others have” because His Word says, “His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness” (2 Peter 1:3), on and on.

Every Truth of God shows us that we are the ones to be blamed for our sins, nobody else, not others, not situations and circumstances, and not God, nor the devil.

When we blame others, we are indirectly saying: “If I was not married to this woman, I would have led a sexually pure life.”

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Or, “If I was not in this dark situation, I would have been leading a sexually pure lifestyle.” Or, the famous one, “If it was not for the devil, by now I would have been the one to resurrect the dead ones.”

God’s Word always reflects to us who we really are, and in a way warns us not to transfer the blame to anyone but ourselves. And that is a very important truth we need to keep in our hearts.

Do you know why that is important? Well, when we know that we have nobody to blame, we realize that what we are actually fighting against is who we are.

Then perhaps we may be able to come to Him and cry, “Abba Father, save me from myself”; a wonderful prayer God loves to answer!!!

Realistic Expectation

Expecting different outcome while doing the same thing in the same way is like expecting our cars one day to fly us on the sky. It ain’t happen!

Sexual sin won’t leave us alone until we change our “routines” which got us in trouble in the first place. If we are still taking that corner and dark place in the library, not to study but in fact to do our own secret stuff, we won’t be free from our sin. Actually we tighten up the grip of sin on our life. “He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.” (Proverbs 28:13)

Be radical and change your routines so that you will forsake your sin. Then you will find out that after all victory was at your doorstep, and you will also stop blaming God for not answering your prayers.

Oh, Precious, God does hear your prayers and He answers them. But always remember this: God won’t do your part; only His.

Giving Virginity to a Man doesn’t Make him a Husband

When a girl gives her virginity to a man she is not married to, she most likely thinks that she will be that man’s idol; his only dream and priority.

But a man’s mental, sexual and emotional world doesn’t function that way.

A girl becomes his dream-girl only when she makes him wait for sex. He desires and dreams to make her his only when she protects him from sinning against God by protecting herself.

Some girls say to me, in owe, “Can you believe that he is a believer; and he serves in the church. How can a man like him do such a thing?”

That is a fallacy most women want to embrace, a fallacy that says “Christian Men have different sexual urges from non-Christian men.” Married women blame their husbands for desiring sex everyday, saying that if their husbands were really Christians, they wouldn’t have asked for sex that often.

Oh, may the LORD give those husbands grace to go through this.

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Know this: After everything is said and done, a man who is created in the image of God desires sex in the same way whether he believes in God or not.

A man who leads a sexually pure life desires to live a one woman-man kind of life (Sarah and Abimelech); when he leads a sexually immoral lifestyle, he dives in it with his both feet  (Delilah to Samson; or Potiphar’s wife to Joseph).

Precious, if you are a single girl, please listen to me. If a man takes a girl’s virginity, he only thinks himself, not her. His sexual world doesn’t work like yours. His sexual department doesn’t have sympathy when it is allowed to be wild, whether he is baptized in the Holy Spirit or not.

If he loves you, he cares for you to the point of saving you till marriage. He won’t touch you if he wants to make you his wife.

He proposed to you doesn’t mean that he’ll marry you!

“But he cried when I told him we can’t do sex before marriage.”

Really? Let him cry for the rest of his life. He is just a good actor. Most men can fake tears (well, women too, as a matter of fact). Don’t let his tears preach to you. Tell him to hit the road if sex is the one thing that guarantees his existence. You won’t lose a thing by saying “Good bye” to him except heartaches, pain and suffering.

If you already lost your virginity, leave him alone. He can’t pay you back by marrying you. Settle on this: Nothing can bring your virginity back. Move on with your life. If he comes back, most probably he comes back to continue from where he left off. So it is too risky to desire him back.

Pick up the pieces of your life and start all over again as if you were a virgin. Lead a sexually pure life and you shall test the power of God’s mercy and grace in your life. A man desires to have you, above all virgin girls in the city, because you first attracted God to your life by your sexually pure life.

Read the Book of Ruth. She was married to a man. Well, you don’t want me to tell you that she was not a virgin, do you? Well, I don’t think so. She was sleeping with her husband but her husband died.

But, Beloved, Ruth stole the heart of a famous, rich Bachelor who was a dream man of every virgin girl in a city.

Yes, there is what is called “Secondary virginity” which comes to you with a repentant lifestyle.

And one last note: Just because the man who dis-virgin you comes back to your life doesn’t mean that you are sexually pure. You will be sexually pure only when you lead a life that is sexually pure, with him or without him. ///

Rare Jewel

Some men say, “I’m single because I want to. I’ll marry whenever I want to. Women are everywhere.”

Hmm, women may be everywhere but a wife who will be a man’s “suitable helper” is not everywhere. She is a RARE JEWEL!!! And only the humble finds

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her on his way.

Singleness and Life Expectancy

“A single man’s life expectancy is equal to the man who smokes two packs of cigarettes a day.”

Hmm, I don’t remember exactly where I read this research result but whenever I think about it, it gives me goosebumps.

“Every cigarette reduces a life of a person by 11 minutes” (US national Library of Medicine).

This too gives me a chill because I know many people who are still smoking cigarette.

Well, putting the above two facts together, we find something like “every year or month, there is a certain amount of health a man loses if he stays single”. Wow, can you just comprehend that?

Most science findings prove that God is Right and God’s ways are the only ways which guarantee health, peace and joy to the heart, mind and soul of a man.

So, again, science in a way is saying that getting married is not a luxury but a necessity for a healthy living. If a man wants to live a health life, he has to get married. It is life threatening for a man to stay single. Do you see that?

And can you just imagine how happy the devil becomes when he sees the man (“the Adam”) he hates passionately dying before his eyes without the devil doing anything to him? Yes, he is happy. He wants to see all “the Adams” choosing to stay single because that is where he finds them all in the right place to make them useful for NOTHING!

If you are a single man reading this, be a celibate if that is the call you received from the LORD. If that is not the case, get married as soon as you can. But remember, marriage can also kill you faster than singleness unless you do marriage

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wisely. Pursue a woman for your own goodness; not so she will take care of you but so you will take care of her and die for her. Yes, that is your call! It is following your call that gives you purpose in life and health, joy and long life.

Otherwise you will be on your way which seems right to you but leads to death (Proverbs 16:25). It is by choice you can be foolish or wise. Choose to be wise.

Listen what the Word says:
“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes,
But a wise man is he who listens to counsel.” (Proverbs 12:15) ///

P. S. Amazingly enough, what the research results prove to be true about a single man can’t be applied to a single woman because single woman in one way or the other receives societal support even when she is single. Her life quality may not be as good as a married woman but her life expectancy may not be affected as much. These also tell us that a man sure needs a “helper”, and a woman only finds meaning to her life when she marries and becomes a crown of her husband (Proverbs 12:4).

Yes, Love needs time

It is good to know the love language of our spouses. Otherwise we speak in English, they hear us in Germany. This not only creates misunderstanding but it also creates chaos in the home. However knowing our spouses’ love language is not good enough.

Once we know they have a different love language than ours, we need to learn to speak it. How can we speak their language if their language is foreign to us? We have to spend time with them so that we learn and practice how to say all “the phonetics”. Continue reading Yes, Love needs time

Love Needs Time

As a plant needs sunlight, water and minerals (soil) for it to grow, love needs time to grow. The outside attraction won’t last long. For love to be rooted deep in the heart, it requires time which is , purposely and consciously, set apart for it to grow.

Purity for the brave hearted!