Category Archives: Sexual Purity

Do I need to fight or pray?

Most of us have dreamed to have a perfect life when we were little kids. We loved those movies which ended with a scene where the groom kisses the beautiful bride and the end of the movie be announced with: “And they lived happily ever after” statement.

Well, we now know very well that there is no “lived happily ever after” kind of life or marriage. After we get married, we fight because we come very close to each other. Continue reading Do I need to fight or pray?

Our marriage is a direct reflection of our spiritual life

When the Word of commands how a wife needs to be in her marriage, it reads like this: “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husband” and it doesn’t stop there. It says, “Submit to your husbands as you do to the LORD”. And the Word commands husbands this way: “Husbands, love your wives” and it doesn’t stop there. It continues saying, “just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”. (Ephesians 5:21-33) Continue reading Our marriage is a direct reflection of our spiritual life

Again, Her Sexuality?

Yes, woman’s sexual nature is more complicated than every creature’s sexual nature combined.

It is intriguing for me to read the findings of many researchers who are spending every waking hour of their life, trying to figure out woman’s sexuality. And most of the time, their conclusion reads something like, “She is complicated”. Duh!

The funny thing is though some want to fix her sexuality as if it was a problem or a mistake on God’s part and when they try to fix it, they create even more complicated problems. Continue reading Again, Her Sexuality?

Behind the Victory of April Fool’s Day

If you read my post yesterday, you will know what I’m about to write.

Well, did my oldest son trick me yesterday? No, he didn’t.

After 3pm, I was in a very tense and heightened mode that I was scared how I was going to react if something real happened to my son. But that didn’t deter me from being very, very suspicious of him. Continue reading Behind the Victory of April Fool’s Day

How far is too far?

This is one of the most famous questions I always receive after I give a class or seminar on sexual purity.

The question itself makes me cringe a bit because it sounds like this: “What kind of sin can God tolerate?” or “Which sin can I do without severing my fellowship with the Holy Spirit?”

Of course kissing is the number one topic most people ask to know “how far is too far”. “Is French kissing a sin?” Or, “Is kissing more than three and half second a sin?” Continue reading How far is too far?

One of the best questions I found in my inbox

“You said, “share your secret lives with others, at least one or two people” and I told my secret to one person, and surprisingly enough it’s been almost three days since I went to those porn sites. My question is this: I’ve been telling God about my porn addiction for years. How come I didn’t get this kind of relief after I told God? Isn’t God higher than man? Don’t I need to fear God than man?”

Excellent question! Continue reading One of the best questions I found in my inbox

Aftershock Effect of Sex Outside of Marriage

“Before we got married, one day we found ourselves alone in my apartment and in the heat of it all, we had sex. We knew that it was sin against God but from that day on, we continued to have sex at least twice a week. We somehow couldn’t stop. We knowingly continued sinning against God. Every time we had sex, we enjoyed it even though we felt guilty all

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the time. We were looking forward to our marriage to do sex without feeling guilty. But after we got married, we have no sexual pleasure. It feels like getting married spoiled it all. It took all the sexual pleasure we used to experience. We confessed our sin and we even went to our pastor, told him everything and he prayed for us. But our marital bed becomes a war zone. I blame her and she blames me for our past sin. I can’t perform and she doesn’t have any sexual desire at all. I don’t feel anything looking at her naked body and she is not sensitive for any of my touch either. It’s now been eight months since we got married and we have no sexual pleasure at all. We both hate our bedroom. Other than confessing our sin to God and to our pastor, what else can we

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do?”

This is what I call “the aftershock” effect of sex outside marriage.

In medicine, when a patient goes to an emergency room for overdose or binge drinking or what have you, they first “detoxify” the person from the toxin before they treat the underlining addiction and/or psychological problems which led the person to that stage. This process is called “detoxification” (removal of the toxin). The goal in all detox is to bring the person back to normal.

Detoxification doesn’t treat the patient’s addiction problem or any underlying physical and/or psychological problems.

Detoxification is not an enjoyable process for the person who is addicted to a substance or to the person who wants to kill him/herself because it brings them back to normal. Their body will be free of the toxin. After detox, their brain won’t be cloudy anymore. They can see, hear and think clearly. They face the reality of their life clearly. Their psych is back to normal; at least for a time being.

Once patients are free of the toxin, they will immediately go back to their addiction the next day or try to kill themselves again unless otherwise they are put in some kind of treatment or therapy and/or counseling programs immediately after detox. Not only that but they have to have some sort of support system which may help them go through the process that may, in some cases, takes years. During this time, some may get depressed and feel hopeless. But as the day goes by, slowly but surely if they stay the course, they start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. They start embracing a life that is free of any toxin and/or psychological problems (such as depression or anxiety) which were destroying their lives from the inside out. Then they will look back and say “Was it me who was in that dungeon?”

Do you see where I’m going with that? Do you see the connection?

Just like that when people get involved in premarital sex, they will get contaminated by a toxin called sin. As they keep on taking that toxin, they get addicted to it.

The first day they face the full blown of the consequences of their sin is the day they get overdosed with the toxin (the Bible says: Your sin will find you out, Numbers 32:23).

And at this time they know that something is not right and they confess their sin. Then they will find out that confessing their sin is not going to solve their problem. So they go to their pastor and confess their sin. That is a process I call “spiritual detoxification”. Then most of the time, the couple wants to go home and enjoy sex.

But our mind, body and spirit can’t just switch from one lifestyle to another in one night (in unique and exceptional situations, visitation of God can do miracle in people’s life and their lives can be switched overnight from one extreme to another but this kind of visitation cannot be true for everyone).

So after a couple goes through a process called spiritual detoxification, they have to go through the process I call “all-around healing” which may take some time.

During the all-around healing process, their minds will be renewed by the Word of God. Their spiritual health receives major treatment as they sit and study the Word of God. They learn what marriage and sexual pleasure are all about according to the Word of God. They seek God with others who are sincerely and genuinely seek God and live for God.

Then they confidently declare their victory. After this step, most couples experience a sexual pleasure they never knew exist. What they called pleasure before they got married was nothing compare to the pleasure they are experiencing after they receive their “all around healing”. They can’t express this pleasure; only experience it.

To my surprise, in most cases, couples who go through these tough processes are the ones who seek close fellowship with God; they are the ones who seek God with all their hearts and minds; and most of the time, these couples are the ones who eventually choose to serve God and others.

Whenever I teach this topic to live audience, I sometimes see couples looking at each other, as if to say “We had sex before marriage but we didn’t go through this tough road she is talking about. We must be lucky or our sin might not be that bad.”

Oh, may the LORD reveal to them the truth. When they see and understand the truth as it is, they desire to be instruments of God; then their desire in turn puts them through the tough road of being set apart for God and the Work of God.

Own the Blame

Hmm, when we knowingly sin against God, we have nobody else to blame but ourselves.

We

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can’t say “I don’t have strength to say “No” to sin”, because God’s word says, “My grace is sufficient for you” (2 Corinthians 12:9). We can’t say, “I didn’t know”, because His Word says that we have received anointing from Him and we don’t need anyone to teach us (1 John 2:27). We can’t say, “I don’t have what others have” because His Word says, “His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness” (2 Peter 1:3), on and on.

Every Truth of God shows us that we are the ones to be blamed for our sins, nobody else, not others, not situations and circumstances, and not God, nor the devil.

When we blame others, we are indirectly saying: “If I was not married to this woman, I would have led a sexually pure life.”

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Or, “If I was not in this dark situation, I would have been leading a sexually pure lifestyle.” Or, the famous one, “If it was not for the devil, by now I would have been the one to resurrect the dead ones.”

God’s Word always reflects to us who we really are, and in a way warns us not to transfer the blame to anyone but ourselves. And that is a very important truth we need to keep in our hearts.

Do you know why that is important? Well, when we know that we have nobody to blame, we realize that what we are actually fighting against is who we are.

Then perhaps we may be able to come to Him and cry, “Abba Father, save me from myself”; a wonderful prayer God loves to answer!!!

Realistic Expectation

Expecting different outcome while doing the same thing in the same way is like expecting our cars one day to fly us on the sky. It ain’t happen!

Sexual sin won’t leave us alone until we change our “routines” which got us in trouble in the first place. If we are still taking that corner and dark place in the library, not to study but in fact to do our own secret stuff, we won’t be free from our sin. Actually we tighten up the grip of sin on our life. “He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.” (Proverbs 28:13)

Be radical and change your routines so that you will forsake your sin. Then you will find out that after all victory was at your doorstep, and you will also stop blaming God for not answering your prayers.

Oh, Precious, God does hear your prayers and He answers them. But always remember this: God won’t do your part; only His.