A4P Guest: “After I read what you posted yesterday, “I thought I loved her but – – -,” I decided to inbox you my question. Before I do that though, let me give you a background story. I’m one of the ministers in our local church. I work more in counseling than preaching. Right now, it’s been two and half months since I’ve been counseling one young man, 27 years old. He came to me seeking help after one girl accused him of making her pregnant. She is three months pregnant now. Then another woman came, saying she is seven months pregnant from him. Then the third one came after a week or so saying the same man was the one who made her pregnant a year ago but she had a miscarriage. These three women want to marry him saying that they were virgins when he convinced them to sleep with them. The young man didn’t deny any of these stories. I sat down with each one of these girls telling them that the man was not ready to marry them; but they didn’t seem to listen to me. Four of these people are our church members. The girls’ age is between 25 and 27. The young man has now a change of heart, I witnessed the change myself; so did other ministers who work with me. He promised to take the responsibility of raising his kids in everything he can. He even wrote a letter stating his promise and sent a copy of that letter to each one of the pregnant girls and to the church. He promised to go above and beyond the child support money he is required to pay. I told him that these three women want to marry him. He just said, “I will do what you tell me to do.” Well, what should I tell him to do? I know I can’t advise him to marry three of them because of what Genesis 2:21-24 says. I don’t think I can apply the law found in Deuteronomy 22:28-29 & Exodus 22:16-17 either. What should I do then?”
A4P Guest: “I’m a 25-year-old man. I am one of the solo singers in my church. I graduated from university with my first degree in electrical engineering last year and I am currently working on my profession. I wanted to start a brand new life this year. The problem is, a year ago; I made the most serious mistake of my life. I slept with one of the girls who sing in our church choir. She is very pretty and loves God like nobody else. The next day, I went to her and asked her forgiveness and we both cried before God. Then I went to one of the ministers in our church and told him the whole story. He counseled both of us and told us to stay away from ministry for three months which we both did. Throughout those three months, I was fasting and praying and going for counseling with this particular minister who restored my life. The thing is, Missy, I don’t want to have any relationship with the girl I slept with. I know you may judge me here for saying that but please hear me well first. I thought I loved her but after that incidence; I didn’t even want to see her. Whenever I see her, I remember the whole episode which I don’t want to remember in my life. I lusted after her and the consequence of my lust had been the most painful experience of my life. She wanted to continue to have a relationship with me saying that I was her first. She cried on me lots of times. I couldn’t open my mouth to tell her that I have no love for her. Oh, God, please help me. I know I sinned against her, the church and God; but I can’t punish myself by marrying her for what I did. I have interest to neither marry nor have any relationship with her. Please Missy, understand me. Two of her sisters quoted the story of King David’s Son, Amnon, who slept with his sister, Tamar (2 Samuel 13), and later despised her and how God punished him. But our case is not like that. I didn’t rape her. We both agreed to do it and we both made the stupidest mistake of our lives. Even if I struggle to forgive myself, I can’t force myself to marry her against my desire. Everybody thinks that I have another relationship with another girl for rejecting her but I don’t and I don’t think I will have any relationship with any girl soon. I want to first find myself. Please advise me how to communicate this with her without hurting her.”
A4P Guest: I’m a 22 year old woman and the man I’m seeing is 27 years old. We met in our church’s yearly young adults’ retreat and it’s been a year now since we’ve been dating officially. I love him very much but he flirts with every girl in our church. I told him to stop once and I let it go and chose to pray. He cheated on me once and I forgave him. A couple weeks ago, I found something on his phone and I asked him about it. He confessed that he cheated on me again a month ago. So, I called it quits and tried to move on with my life but I can’t stop thinking about him. Yesterday night, he called me and cried saying, “I want to celebrate the New Year with you. Please forgive me one last time.” I told him that I will get back with him. I know God wants me to forgive him and wants me to be with him, because that is what Jesus did for me. He takes me back whenever I come to Him. So, what do you advise me to do? I think he needs help, don’t you think so?
A4P: No, I don’t think so. The one who needs help here is you, not him. I think the man knows what he is doing and he is fine with it. But you don’t. Continue reading “I think he needs help”→
I did this video last year but for some reason I’m thinking of Galatians 5:1 & 13 today and I thought this might be a good message to pass along to you today.
Remember, freedom comes with boundaries; including the freedom we have in Christ. Freedom without boundaries are called enslavement or bondage. ///
P. S. One correction on this video: 1 Corinthian 6:18 (not 6:8)
Did I ever say, “Save sex and all the kissing and touching business for marriage?”
Oops, I did say that multiple times. But, hey, it won’t hurt if I say it again and again.
After all, unless we hear something again and again, we don’t believe it because faith comes by hearing. And we live by faith; means our lifestyle reflects what we truly accept and believe.
So, it is always excellent to give our ears to something we want to believe and live for. ///
