Narcissistic personality disorder” NPD – “It is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism.”
How can a wife live with a husband who has NPD?
- Accept who he is! Don’t try to change him!
- Stop focusing on him since NPD makes him crave that attention and the more you give him, the more he demands and the more it takes a toll on you.
- Speak up for yourself! Let him know how his words and conducts affect you. And be specific and consistent about what’s not acceptable for you and how you expect him to treat you. Speak up!
- Set boundaries! People with NPD cannot understand fluctuating standards and principles. For example: If you go out with your friends one Saturday every month, let him know and write that down on the family calendar clearly so he cannot cross your boundaries.
- Expect push back from him! Don’t expect him to celebrate your boundaries and principles. He will push you and everything that is yours back. But you shouldn’t shrink back. Stand on your ground without raising your voice and making faces.
- Know that you are not the one with NPD! Remember, people with NPD rarely admits their mistakes and errors. Don’t expect them to take responsibilities for their mistakes. In that case, don’t lean on blaming yourself and take on all the responsibility on yourself. Remind yourself that he is with NPD, not you.
- Get a support group! You need your friends and families, not so you go and gossip about your husband but, so you enjoy life with others and go and talk about other issues other than what your husband does and does not.
- If your husband promises to do something, ask him to do it right away! People with NPD use promises to get what they want but once they get what they want, they lose the motivation to do their promises and they deny that they promised or they simply don’t do it.
- Know that your husband needs a professional help! Don’t try to preach to him about his condition. He may seek help for stress, anxiety or depression. That means, just because he needs a professional help doesn’t excuse his bad and abusive behavior.
- Seek help when you need it! Yes, just living with him by itself can cause you lots of anxieties, fears, hopelessness and depression. When you find yourself in that position, please seek help! Don’t expect your husband to help you or find a solution for you. Seek help as soon as you need it! ///