The Bible says,
“In the day when God created man, He made him in the likeness of God. He created them male and female,” Genesis 5:1b-2a NASB
And the Bible says, “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”” Genesis 2:18
There is a man and God wants to create for the man a “suitable helper.” “Suitable” can also be translated as “adaptable,” a person who is different from him; in a sense, she has different potentials so that she can be a suitable and complementary helper to him.
Adaptable means she has the potential or capacity to adjust to “new environments.” These environments can be personalities of different people like her husband, kids, other people or even different places. Don’t you love that? I do!
On the other hand, her husband may not have a similar potential for adaptability mainly because of his brain makeup. Let’s see a few examples so that you, the wife, will be aware of these character traits of your husband that he cannot change even if he tries to.
1. His brain takes brief but numerous naps a day
This can be unnerving to a wife, especially when she wants to talk to her husband while his brain is taking a nap. From the outside, he is awake, so it looks to her that he just has no interest to listen to her when she talks to him. Most men testify that this “nap time” is their favorite moment of their lives because they think about nothing. They sense nothing. They enjoy the silence. They may want to sit next to their wives for the company, but they will be grateful if their wives don’t actually speak to them.
If a wife knows this, she can give her husband space and time, especially when he comes home from work. Once his brain takes the nap, he will be able to give his wife a pair of listening ears.
2. His brain has different compartments
Your husband’s brain compartmentalizes everything. That means, his brain has one compartment for you, another one for his kids, his family, your family, strangers, neighbors, friends, work, sex, empty compartment, and everything in between. The largest compartment found in man’s brain, as some scientists jokingly say, is a sex compartment.
So, for instance, his wife had a fight with his sister or mother, and after just few moments he is ready to move on with his life as if nothing happened.
His different compartments don’t communicate with one another. So the compartment for his family doesn’t tell his wife’s compartment, “Your wife is very upset with your family and she prefers if you stay away from her.”
No! It doesn’t say that.
One author of a beautiful book said, a man’s brain is like waffles. When you pour syrup in a waffle, each box contains its own syrup. On the other hand, a woman’s brain is like spaghetti – everything is connecting with everything else! If a driver cuts her off on the road, she brings that rage to home and doesn’t want to talk to her husband for a few minutes. Men usually don’t do that.
For those of you who want to read this book, it is called “Men are like waffles and women are like spaghetti” by Bill and Pam Farrel.
If a wife knows this nature of her husband, she doesn’t judge and accuse him often for not caring much about her. He might be in his “work” or “empty” compartment at a time his wife needs his attention, but she will understand and give him time to enter his “wife” box.
And here is another thing: A man’s brain can only be in one box/compartment at one point in time, not everywhere like a woman.
3. His brain always looks for a problem to solve
When his wife comes to share with him, for example, about a problem she is facing at her work place, he immediately looks for a solution and says, “Leave that job and look for another better one,” or “find another boss to work under in your company.”
This is very, very annoying for his wife who usually comes to her husband to relate, chat, and be intimate with him through talking.
So, young wife, instead of letting this nature of your husband drive you insane, inform him ahead of time. Tell him that you don’t want him to solve anything about the things you’re about to tell him.
Whenever I approach my Baby, he usually asks me: “Do you want me to solve something or do you want me to listen to you?”
Uffff! You have no idea how much I appreciate that question! And my answer is usually, “I want you to listen to me.”
4. His brain doesn’t have many words to say
Generally speaking, wives are blessed with many words a day, but husbands are naturally poor in this area. They naturally have very limited words to say per day, and they usually finish those words at work. So when they come home from work, they run out of words and hardly say a thing. If a wife knows this fact, she appreciates her husband’s willingness to lend her his pair of ears.
5. His brain can only focus on one thing
Women are naturally known to be multi-taskers but even women’s brain cannot focus on multiple tasks at the same moment. The difference is that a woman’s brain has the capacity to switch from one task to another within a split second. That is why she is able to cook, watch YouTube, and breastfeed her baby at seemingly the same time.
Her husband, on the other hand, can’t do that. When she tells him on the phone, for example, to grab eggs, milk, bananas, and chicken from the grocery store on his way home, he only brings her the last item she told him to bring, as well as some junk food to snack on.
So, wives, if you want your husband to bring you what you need, text him the list, with a footnote: “No junk food please!”
And when you sit with your husband to solve issues that you two disagree on, please talk to him about one issue at a time. Otherwise he will start to withdraw from you. So, deal with one issue at a time!
6. Men don’t read their wife’s brain
This is a very important fact for you, young wife, to know, because wives usually can read their husband’s and kids’ faces and know what’s going on in their hearts. The problem is they automatically assume that their husbands are able to do the same. The truth is, they cannot, even if they try to.
Instead of setting yourself up for disappointments and expecting your husband to read your brain, try to lend him a hand in figuring out what you’re thinking by, for example, while you’re working hard around the house, say to him: “Hey, Baby, I need your help here, please.”
I think these points are good enough for today. Please read this to your husband and ask him if any of these points describe him. If not, have him tell you his unchangeable unique character traits so that your communication will be healthy and nurturing. ///