My Wife Sleeps In A Different Bedroom

A4P Guest: I am a born-again Christian, so is my wife. My wife of five years now refused to sleep with me. She sleeps in another bedroom. She started sleeping in this other room like a month ago, now little by little, she moved all her stuff from our bedroom to that room. As a Christian, I am struggling what to do with this kind of situation. How can a marriage continue like this?

A4P: Did you ask your wife why she left her bedroom?

A4P Guest: I always ask her, “Why didn’t you sleep in your bedroom,” but the only answer I get is, “I am still in my house.”

A4P: Hmm! Well, something must have happened to her. So, what happened between you and her on the day she first left her bedroom?

A4P Guest: Nothing new! We went to bed and I wanted to be intimate with her and she immediately came out of the bed and said, “It is better for both of us if I sleep in another room. Then, we will both get enough sleep.”

A4P: Okay. Help me so I can help you here. No woman leaves her bedroom for no reason. So, tell me the things your wife often complains about.

A4P Guest: We have two little ones and I always tell her to put them to bed early so we can have our time together, to nurture our marriage.

A4P: “Nurture our marriage.” I am totally impressed here. My brother, if you are not willing to tell me everything, I can’t help you.

A4P Guest: I am trying to tell you everything. She complains that I don’t help her with the kids but the thing is I work hard the whole day. She is a stay-at-mom. I come home feeling very tired. After I come from work, she wants me to go out for a walk with her and the kids. She doesn’t understand how tired I get when I come home. Plus, she doesn’t like to see me relaxing, you know. After a long day, what I need is a few minutes to wind down, like watch TV or be on social media and she always complains about that. You always say in your teaching, don’t nag your husbands, but my wife doesn’t apply that good advice. She nags me a lot. She wants me to pray with her and attend Bible study on Zoom and I told her, I will take care of the kids while she does her spiritual thing. I believe in God and I keep my spirituality to myself. And she always asks me about how much I make and to put her name in my bank account. I told her that I would do that but she keeps nagging me about it. She always says, “What if something happens?” I told her not to worry about tomorrow as the Bible says but she doesn’t listen. Now she fights with my sister and my mom who live in another state. I told her to change her behavior. I am not sure what her spirituality is all about. She doesn’t even know how to get along with people. My mom and my sister are born-again Christians and they know how to live with others. They apply the teaching of the Bible into their own lives. So, I told her to change her behavior but she doesn’t listen to me. These days, I think she wants to be the head. How can a house be led by two leaders? There are many things between us, but I still believe that she shouldn’t leave her bedroom.

A4P: Please pass on my message to her: I am very surprised that you didn’t leave your house. I am sure you did it for the sake of your little ones. May God repay you for what you’re doing for your kids. And this is my advice for you: My friend, what you need now is not marriage counseling, but counseling for yourself to be a person God calls you to be. Then after that you may seek counseling to learn how to be a husband to your wife. Then after you do this, seek marriage counseling. Unless you do these things in this order, things will soon get worse. May God help you! ///