We all are prone to having this nasty spirit called entitlement. It says: “I deserve to be loved! I deserve to be treated this way and that way! I deserve to receive this and that because I did this and I did that!”
And when this spirit of entitlement exists in our marriages, it creates all kinds of tension and conflict. For the sake of discussion, let me focus on a wife in the context of marriage.
A wife with a heart of entitlement will say something like this:
“My husband is my first man ever. I was a virgin when I got married. Now I gave my life to my husband and our children. I didn’t want to send our kids to a daycare or put them under a babysitter. So, I decided to stay home and raise our kids and serve my husband and my kids. Now my husband takes me for granted. He doesn’t show me any love or care. You know, when I was pregnant, he didn’t treat me like a pregnant woman but like any other woman. I think he treats his sister better than he treats me. When I was 9-months pregnant with my baby, I was expecting him to bring me, you know, some flowers and give me a good foot massage or something. He did absolutely nothing. Whenever I say something, he says, “I am trying my best to fulfill your desires, to furnish the house we bought. I work hard so you don’t have any financial problems.” I am tired of hearing his “I am trying” talk. . . . “
Yes, we wives want to receive love and care from our husbands, but when we demand love and care as a payment for what we do for our marriages and children, when we ask our husbands to take the place of God and play His role in our lives, we are acting under the influence of the spirit of entitlement. This is dangerous spirit to have and we need to fight against it.
So, how can we fight against this spirit?
Let’s see the following six points:
- God knows our needs
The Bible says,
“And when you are praying, do not use meaningless repetition as the Gentiles do, for they suppose that they will be heard for their many words. So do not be like them; for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him.” Matthew 6:7-8 NASB
We should learn to bring all our needs to God in prayer. And we should remember that God knows our needs before we even ask. This truth should comfort and encourage us to pray to God in faith.
- Only God can meet our needs
It is God who puts in us the desire to be loved, and guess what? It is only God who can meet our desire to be loved. Not only the desire to be loved, but we also desire to have peace, joy, and rest. We should not forget that these things come only from God.
The Bible says,
“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.” Psalm 23:1
“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. ” Matthew 6:33 KJV
Praise God!
That means our first source, the overflowing well that can quench our thirst for love is God.
“My people have committed two sins:
They have forsaken me,
the spring of living water,
and have dug their own cisterns,
broken cisterns that cannot hold water.
Does a young woman forget her jewelry,
a bride her wedding ornaments?
Yet my people have forgotten me,
days without number” Jeremiah 2:13, 32
When we neglect our prayers and stop going to God as our only Source, we go around and make all kinds of broken “cisterns” which cannot hold water. None can quench our thirst because we are created for God and God created us in way for us to be fully satisfied in Him alone.
- We’re called to do everything for the glory of God
The Bible says,
“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. ” 1 Corinthians 10:31
“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” Colossians 3:17
The word of God calls a Christian woman to stay away from premarital sex, protecting herself until marriage; and after, to be a suitable helper to her husband and a godly mother to her kids, all FOR THE GLORY OF GOD. Godly wives and godly mothers always bring glory to God.
A wife should not strive to be a good wife so that her husband pays her back. That is a lost cause!
- Only God rewards our good deeds
If we strive to be godly wives and godly mothers, it is God who receives glory, and God is always faithful in honoring those who honor Him (1 Samuel 2:30). God rewards our hard labor. When we expect payment or reward from our husbands or children, we will be disappointed because they are not able to pay us in proportion to our labor. Only God can.
And even with God, we cannot demand to get paid because no one can out-give God. God is a debtor to no one. He gave us His only Son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for our sin. What more do we need to expect from God?
Actually the Bible commands us in this way:
“So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.’”” Luke 17:10
Furthermore, expecting rewards from mere human beings – our husbands and children – brings a curse into our lives.
And the Bible says,
“This is what the Lord says:
“Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who draws strength from mere flesh
and whose heart turns away from the Lord.
That person will be like a bush in the wastelands;
they will not see prosperity when it comes.
They will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in him.
They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.”” Jeremiah 17:5-8
- A wife who expects from God is always attractive to her husband
This is one of those “duh” points. When a wife always runs to God for her needs, she DOES NOT come to her husband with “I deserve to be loved, treasured and treated by you like a queen because I did this and that” kind of spirit. Instead she always comes to him with the spirit of joy and peace.
I mean, what husband out there won’t be attracted to this kind of a wife? NONE!
Listen to the short story of a woman who attracted her husband:
“A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.” Proverbs 31:10-11, 28-31
The most attractive part of this woman is the fact that she fears God. She fears Him because she knows her God; she knows that her God is the Source of all her needs and she runs to Him first for all her desires. Because of this, she has an undying beauty that her husband can’t resist.
- Husband’s love and care should be counted as A BONUS!
If a woman goes to God with her deep seated desire to be loved and treasured, and God meets her desires, her husband’s love and care is something extra, like “a bonus.”
Look at the meaning of bonus: “an amount of money added to wages on a seasonal basis, especially as a reward for good performance”
It is an “added to,” not the main thing.
Yes, this “added to” is a very important aspect of marriage, and husbands should strive to be there for their wives to play their “added to” role.
So, a wife has to remind herself of this verse:
“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. ” Matthew 6:33 KJV
“added unto you” – she can only find and be satisfied by her husband’s love and care if she is first fully satisfied by God.
When she seeks God first, her nobility will be on display. A godly man cannot resist the beauty of this woman and he cannot help but shower her with love and care.
“A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown,
but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.” Proverbs 12:4
Her nobility comes from her total dependence on God to meet all her needs. And her nobility becomes her husband’s crown. ///