A4P Guest: My husband and I got married four years ago and now we have a one-year old child. My husband works full time and I’m a stay-at-home mom. Now we all are in the house, 24/7, because of the lockdown. I should be happy to be with my husband and child, right? But I am not. I feel suffocated and stressed and I don’t know why.
A4P: Hmm! What do you mean when you say you “feel suffocated?”
A4P Guest: I love my husband but I don’t know if I enjoy being with him 24/7. You know? I feel like I need a break.
A4P: What do you mean “you need a break?” Does he talk too much or demand too much from you, and you need a break from that?
A4P Guest: Not really! He actually spends a good amount of time with our child, which I always want him to, and he has no problem when it comes to cooking, cleaning and everything like that. But I feel like I have to entertain him all the time so he enjoys being with us.
A4P: Did he bluntly say to you that he wanted you to entertain him so he could enjoy being with you and your child?
A4P Guest: No, he did not, but I feel that way.
A4P: Well, maybe you need to change your thinking/feeling instead of trying to change the situation you’re in now. You need to tell yourself that your husband does not need you to entertain him 24/7.
A4P Guest: Here is the thing. My husband doesn’t talk much at all, actually. However, if he spends too much time with me, the end result is sex and I am tired of sex.
A4P: Ah, now there’s the root issue!
It’s true that when men don’t have anything to do, they tend to think about sex a lot. And that is okay since it is a God-given desire to build intimacy, and one of the signs of a healthy man.
And you, the wife, can take this as a precious opportunity, given by God to you, to invest in your marriage as well as in the heart of your man. Your husband’s sexual nature takes up a big part of who he is. If you are willing to embrace that part of him, you can win his heart for the long haul.
A4P Guest: By being willing to have sex often?
A4P: I hate to say this but “YES!”
You see, sexual intimacy is the best way to know your man well, because it is the way your man best shows you who he is. I am sure you want your husband to spend enough time with you and your child, but usually your husband may not give you enough time because of work. Now, thanks to COVID-19, he is forced to stay home and that is a big opportunity for you.
Many marriages are falling apart, not because couples don’t have sex, but because they don’t have time to know each other. In your case, you have ample time to do both: time to have sex and to know your man well. You’ll get to kill two birds with one stone because having sex is actually an important way to know him!
And by the way, pregnancy is on the rise. Many women are getting pregnant now because of the same situation you’re in. So, my advice is if you don’t have a plan to get pregnant, make sure you use contraceptives. If you get pregnant anyways, please let your child live! Don’t take Plan B. Plan B is an abortion medicine, and please don’t kill your child; don’t go for an abortion. Abortion is murder.
A4P Guest: I am actually five weeks pregnant.
A4P: Congratulations! Well guess what then? Your pregnancy brings lots of hormonal changes which in turn may play some roles into changing your moods, making you feel, for example, “suffocated.” So, kindly and respectfully let your husband know that you need some space and that you’ll need more breaks from him and your child throughout the day. If he is a man with a working heart and mind, he will definitely understand you and give you what you ask of him.
If, on the other hand, he thinks the world has to revolve around his desires and wants, he will make your life miserable, especially during this time, which is a whole other conversation.
But if he is sensitive to your moods and feelings and tries to give you space, be wise and use that “alone” time to pamper yourself so you can come back to him being a loving and caring wife who welcomes and embraces his sexual desires. When he understands that his sexual desires has to balance with your need for a break, and you also see that his sexual desire is a ripe opportunity to know your husband more, then your marriage will truly prosper!
A4P Guest: Okay, I will try that. I guess I have to be a bit more open with him when it comes to my moods. Thank you!
A4P: My pleasure! ///