Questions From Two Young Wives

Guest #1: (Her email in short in my own words)

She is more educated that her husband but decided to stay home with her little kids (2 year old boy and five month old baby girl). Now her husband is mistreating her and her families, in two occasions, he threatened to hurt her physically. For every discussion in the house, he feels threatened by her more degrees. Because of all that, there is no peace in the house. The wife is now crying herself to sleep. She is now “losing her good characters” and becoming very harsh and mean to her husband as well as her little ones. She wanted to talk to her local church pastors but she didn’t want to defame her husband. So, her question is: What should I do in this situation?
A4P: I think I have three-fold of advice:
First, kudos to you for deciding to stay with your little ones! Very, very proud of you! I am sure you faced many challenges from others but regardless, even if you’re educated, you decided to raise your children. May God bless you! Good job!
That being said though, I advise and encourage you to see your primary care physician because most mothers suffer from Postpartum Depression (PPD) which is a common condition seen in mothers few weeks after giving birth to a child. They feel blue and they have frequent mood swings. This condition can affect their lives but in most cases, PPD disappears by itself after few weeks. In some cases, the depressive part of it may linger. So, it is good to get checked for it.
Second, if you are educated more than your husband, it means, you are in a better position to be a blessing to your husband by being an educated wife to him and an educated mother to his children. If you don’t tell him or show him in your attitude that you are better than him, he shouldn’t feel inferior to you. Some men, however, simply get threatened when their wives achieve something. If he is one of those men, take extra step to make him okay in his own skin by letting him know that, for example, you’re blessed to have him as a husband and father of your children because you are able to stay home with your kids and all that. Use every opportunity to let him know that.
Third, while you do all those good things, I want you to know that asking your pastors to come between you and your husband is not going to defame your husband in any way. It actually helps your husband to come into terms that it is totally wrong for him to act like an angle in church but live as an enemy of God in his home. It is a good thing for him to hear this truth from men who teach him the word of God. So, I really encourage you to go ahead and talk to your pastors.
Last but not least, please, do everything you can to continue raising your kids but don’t let your husband run over you.
Guest #2: (Her email in short in my own words)
She married her best friend and enjoyed her marriage for the first three years of her married life. They have two kids, two year old and one little one who is a special need child. She and her husband came to the marriage in God-fearing and honoring way. They both were virgins at their wedding day and she was expecting God to bless them in a blissful marriage and family, not with a sick child. This made her bitter against God and she is now becoming very mean mom to her kids. When her husband comes to her seeking to be intimate with her, she refuses and pushes him back. She cries a lot and feels abandoned by God. And her question is: “What should I do?”
A4P: My heart goes out to you! It is hard to have a sick child.
I wish I had a silver-bullet kind of answer to your question but I have none. But let me say this if it helps in any way.
I know, the Christian community, the very community that supposed to support and help you, may turn on you saying, “Maybe there is a sin in your life. So, confess your sin” or worse, they may say, “Bring your child to so and so and the demons will be rebuked out of your child.”
This is a heartbreaking reality of our society at this point.
But you can be a beacon of hope to countless young mothers who locked themselves and their sick child(ren) in their homes
by fighting for your son.
By clinging on to the word of God and holding on to the hope of God.
For example, the Bible says, “Children are a gift from the Lord;” Psalm 127:3 NLT
Accept your children, both the healthy one and the sick one, as a gift from the LORD because they are! They are precious and beautiful before God and see them as the way God sees them.
Don’t compare your life with your neighbor. Our lives are written by God and whatever path God chooses for us and our children, it is a good path because God is good for us all the time.
You said, you and your husband were both virgins at your wedding day.
Good for both of you, but my friend the Bible says this: “all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;” Isaiah 64:3
I am very proud of you and your husband for keeping yourself for your wedding. Good job! But you cannot ask payment from God for that. You did what you were supposed to do as Christians, followers of Jesus Christ. And God rewards every good deeds that we choose to do but His reward does not come in kinds that we choose.
My dear sister, please listen to me, your child is perfect! He is precious gift of God given to you. He is not a curse. He is not a payment of God to your bad and sinful deeds. Oh, no, he is not!
I really encourage you to follow the Facebook page of Nicholas James Vujicic who lives without any limbs but who lives the most fulfilled and fruitful life in this world, better than all of us who have all our limbs. Why? His adopted parents accepted him as a precious gift from God and he learned that from them and accepted and loved himself the way he was (and still is).
So, please accept your son the way he is and teach him, with joy and conviction, to accept and love himself. May God help you!
Here are some of my favorite quotes from him:
“If you can’t get a miracle, become one.”
“I never met a bitter person who was thankful. Or a thankful person who was bitter.”
“The challenges in our lives are there to STRENGTHEN our CONVICTIONS. They are NOT there to run us over.”
“I have the choice to be angry at God for what i don’t have, or be thankful for what i do have”
“Life without limbs? Or life without limits?”
“Don’t put your life on hold so that you can dwell on the unfairness of past hurts.”
“Some injuries heal more quickly if you keep moving.”
“… for every disability you have, you are blessed with more than enough abilities to overcome your challenges.” ///