“Hi Berhan, I was just calling to say hi and to wish you a happy Easter!”
This was a message I found in my answering machine right after I celebrated my first year wedding anniversary.
My first reaction was, “Who is this woman that is wishing my husband a happy Easter, ignoring the fact that I’m his wife?”
Well, after I called my Berhan, I learned a little bit about her, and I said to myself, “She should know better.”
Mind you, at that time, I was not that strong in my faith, and I didn’t have all those “According to Ephesians chapter blah, blah” in my memory bank to calm my spirit down. Talk about being upset — I was furious! I didn’t care if she was his co-worker, long time best friend, ex-girlfriend, or a neighbor. I felt like my marriage was violated, big time, by one rude woman! I kept on saying to myself, “How come she didn’t say, “Hi, I just called to say hi and to wish you guys a happy Easter”?”
If I am not mistaken, at that very moment, I think smoke or something was coming out of my nostrils. Seriously, I was very upset.
And, listen to this: To make the story even worse, she called back again. This time, my Berhan was sitting next to me and I answered the phone. She said, “May I speak to Berhan?”
“May I ask who’s calling?” I asked.
She replied, “This is XYZ (her name) and I just want to wish him a happy Easter.” Just imagine what’s going through my head. I said, “Berhan can’t speak to you right now; but I will pass on your message,” and immediately hung up, without waiting for her to reply. And I’ve never heard from her ever again.
Did she have any ill-intent to call and leave that kind of message? I have no way of knowing that, but the only thing I know is her message came out wrong and rude to me at that moment.
Oh, well, I would have handled it in a little more of a matured way if this happened now. I guess I was immature, but I still believe that her message can rub any newly married bride the wrong way. And to tell you the truth, I don’t regret it.
This story happened in 1998, on the Friday before Easter, during a time where there were no cellphones, no texting, Facebook, social media, or anything, only home phones. These days, with the way technology is, I can only imagine how stories such as this one can get ugly and out of control to the point of destroying many beautiful marriages.
Anyways, why am I sharing this story with you guys today? Well, as usual, to raise awareness.
If somebody is married, she/he is no more one but two. What do I mean?
Well, let me give you one example. Let’s say you are a single woman who has lots of male friends. When your male friends get married, you can continue to be their friend ONLY if you are successful in making their wives your best friends. Otherwise, just stop reaching out to the men in the name of “we are best friends and we actually grew up together.” They are not your friends anymore unless you are welcomed by their wives (this also works the other way).
Some single girls say to me, “but he calls and texts me all the time and I think I need to reply to him; I mean we are best friends. There is nothing between us. And honestly speaking, I tried to talk to his wife many times but she doesn’t want to talk to me.”
Well, if his wife doesn’t want to talk to you, she is in a way telling you to stay away from her man. So please, stay away from her man!
Ideally, the husband should be able to communicate the issue with you clearly, saying that his wife doesn’t appreciate his friendship with you, but even if he doesn’t, you are called to honor his marriage and stay away from him because the Bible says, “Marriage should be honored by all” (Hebrews 13:4a) – “by all” includes you.
A friendship that separates a married couple into two is evil and sinful. ///