Whenever I address the topic of adultery, some naïve people, mostly Christian women, come to me and say, “But you are not talking about people in the church, right?”
How do I answer them?
Well, I gently say, “I actually addressed this topic for people in the church.”
We all are capable of committing any kind of sin. Unless we build an authentic and honest relationship with others who are more spiritual and matured than us, we can find ourselves in all sorts of sinful lifestyles. Without those who can hold us accountable for all our actions, adultery might be one of many hidden sins.
Saying, “I am a preacher, or I am a worship leader etc.,” won’t save us. We all are vulnerable to it.
Many married couples today don’t know each other. They live together but separately; they tend to be lonely in their own marriages, leading hidden lives, that only seem to hurt themselves and everyone around them, including the church.
The most serious commandment given to church leaders is this: to remove a person who commits adultery from the congregation. Why? Sin is like a fire, once started, it can spread and destroy.
The Bible says, “A little yeast works through the whole batch of dough.” Galatians 5:9 “Expel the wicked person from among you.” 1 Corinthians 5:13b (read the whole chapter)
Sexual sin contaminates and destroys the power and honor of a church. We Christians, should not tolerate adultery, or see adultery lightly in our midst.
If we sense the presence of an affair in our marriages, we need to seek help immediately.
Here are some of the characteristics of a spouse who cheats: (For the sake of example, I use “a husband” who cheats on his wife, but in reality, both a wife and a husband can commit adultery):
Disclaimer though before I list these common signs: Noticing any or all of the following signs of infidelity in your spouse does not guarantee that your spouse is cheating; they are simply the common signs reported by those who have cheated on their spouses. Other factors in life could cause a person to act in any of the following ways. If your spouse exhibits none of the following signs, it does not mean that he/she is not cheating. That means that ultimately you will need to try to discover the truth in your own personal situation.
So, here are the common character/behavior changes seen in the one who cheats on his wife:
-He avoids eye contact with his wife because he carries so much guilt on his shoulders that he’s scared his wife will find out by looking in his eyes.
-He avoids sex for any and all reasons. Mainly because he feels like his sexual partner is the other woman, not his wife.
-He avoids expressing love to his wife in actual “I love you” terms or in complementing his wife for anything.
-He avoids alone time with his wife.
-He feels extremely guilty. So, he goes out and buys gifts to his wife, not because he feels sorry for his wife, but he wants to sooth his guilty feeling.
-He changes his styles, (dresses up and looks sharp every day) and starts dieting to look slimmer, younger and better for the other woman.
-He guards his phone and computer as if his life depends on them because they carry a lot of information such as pictures, nude videos, and/or text messages.
-He complains about his wife’s looks and characters. This is to justify his sin, to shift the blame on his wife and to find a rational reason to end his marriage later on in life.
-He exhibits more energy and zeal for life – for example, he wakes up early in the morning and starts running. If his wife asks him why, he might say his “doctor told him to do so”
-He suddenly changes his work schedule and starts working at night. He might start traveling for business trips but the truth is, he is not. He gives those reasons to be with the other woman.
If you see these signs in your spouse and feel like your spouse is cheating on you, please seek help. Hiding this won’t benefit anyone. You cannot avoid “divorce” by hiding adultery.
If you are the one cheating, may God use this post to wake you up and bring you to repentance so you can save yourself, your marriage and the lives of your spouse and kids.
My last message to wives:
If you feel like your husband is cheating on you, chances are, you might be 100% right. Women naturally have what is called “intuition,” which is a natural ability “to understand something immediately, from instinctive feeling rather than conscious reasoning.”
If you feel that way, please seek help. Don’t be naïve and think that you are “spiritual” by just letting it go. Don’t say, “I will pray hard and this will disappear.” It won’t!
Adultery destroys your marriage and ruins your life and the lives of your kids unless it is dealt with in a timely manner. ///