“I Don’t Love My Husband”

Today I want to address three different questions that came into my email (anappealforpurity@gmail.com) from three of Appeal for Purity guests:

A4P Guest #1: I am 29 years old, married and have two little kids. I married my husband because the man I was in love with and dated for a long time broke up with me and within short periods of time, he got married. I was very sad and disappointed. I was expecting him to come back to me. So, I too wanted to get married just so I could get even with. So, I married the first man who approached me for marriage, not because I love him but because I wanted to show my ex that I too could get married. My husband loves me but I have no love to him at all. What is your advice for people like me? How can I last in this marriage?

A4P: My dear sister, if even I understand your disappointments and sadness, I won’t encourage you to focus on what you have not. Look, you are married and have two little kids at the age of 29. Many young women do anything to be you, to be married with the man they love them and raise their kids. I know, it is not fare for me to say this while I do marriage with the man I love but you see, you cannot change the past. What you can is change today and tomorrow. And the best thing for you is to learn how to be a wife and a mother according to the word of God. Look at this Bible verse when it teaches you what love is:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. . .” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

You see, all the movies and dramas we watch, all the social media fake romantic shows we gaze for the whole day conditioned our mind to think love as something that makes us cry out of joy and our hearts to beat fast but love is not like that.

And fellowship with other married women who are spiritually matured so you can emulate their life.

Learn how to be a good wife according to the word of God (Ephesians 5:21-24 & 1 Peter 3:1-6

Please, lean on God. Tell Him what you told me and ask Him to help you. As longs you show God your willingness to start fresh with Him, He is faithful to fill your empty heart with love and care for your husband.

A4P Guest #2: I am 38, I live in one of the Arab countries. I work as a maid in one couple’s house. I came to this country from Ethiopia 10 years ago. I have one son, but out of wedlock. He is now older than 18 and doing very well back home. I thank God for him. But me, I feel hopeless. I feel like I am too old now to get married and have kids but I really want to get married and have kids. This thought usually makes me down. Do you think there is hope for me to get married?

A4P: My sister, please know this: The goal of life for Christians is not to get married and have kids, but to live for the glory of God.

The Bible says, “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31

“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” Colossians 3:17

So, live today for the glory of God. God knows what you desire to have and He is faithful to meet your needs and desires. But today, desire to be the woman God that the word of God is calling you to be.

And my beloved sister, God has already blessed you. You have an adult son at the age of 38. And you are healthy, that is why you work. You see, these are your blessings and there are many more blessings that you can bring to your mind and bless God.

The Bible says, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4

God is faithful to give you what you desire if you make God the first thing you want. (Matthew 6:33 – “seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”)

And the Bible says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:5-7

Amen! Guard your heart so it won’t push you away from God. Guard it with the peace of God that passes human understanding. By doing what? By casting your cares and desires to God and forget it.

And my sister, don’t waste your life by sitting in front of social media and chatting and flirting with men. Rather, honor yourself and strive to grow in God and knowledge of the word of God.

As we read the Bible, God gave to His people, the Israelites, Manna from heaven to eat while they were walking through the wilderness but they craved meat instead of enjoying what God has already given them. So, they began to whine and complain. They even cried. And God gave them what they desired more than what God desired for them. And the Bible says,

“So he[God] gave them what they asked for, but sent a wasting disease among them.” Psalm 106:15 (Exodus 13)

Some people got married and have kids and moved from Arab countries to Canada and America, which was what they desired to have in life more than God but they have “wasting disease” in their spiritual life.

So, my sister, I don’t want you to be one of these poor women. Focus on God and the things of God.

If marriage is what God has in store for you, believe me in this, no one can keep that to pass in your life. God will make it happen. So, rest in knowing that God is God, not man. God sees everything and He knows everything. He won’t hold anything good from His children. Rest in Him! (Psalm 46:10)

A4P Guest #3: I am 28, married and have two little kids. My husband brought me here to the US from Ethiopia. I love my husband and kids. I always desire to be a kind of wife and mother God wants me to be and I strive to be but I have one problem in my marriage. My husband is in our church choir and I don’t like the way he treats his choir women members and I don’t like how those women act towards my husband. Some of these women are married and some are not but regardless of their marital status, they flirt with him. I told him many times that that affects our marriage but he always blames me for being envious. He calls and texts to these women. I am tired of protecting my marriage by myself and now I am emotionally dying. What do you advise me?

A4P: I don’t think you are envious just because you tell your husband stop flirting. I am glad you spoke up.

If he is not listening to me, go to church and talk to the pastors. If he is not listening to them, find people he respects to reach out to him. If he is not listening to them, put ultimatum: Ask him if he wants his marriage or not? Ask him to choose between you and those girls he flirt with?

I am not saying keeping threatening him with ultimatum but tell him that this is your final decision.

Please do not keep silent! This is not good and you should not tolerate this even for a day. May God help you! ///