A4P Guest: Thank you for your recent YouTube video message. I have a question. I am married and have two kids (10 and 12). My husband and I, both of us are Christians, gave up on our marriage a long time ago, probably a couple years ago. He is sleeping in a different bedroom all these two years. So, as you can imagine, we have no communication whatsoever, I mean, healthy way like a husband and a wife. We always argue when it comes to picking up and dropping off kids at their school and activities. If you ask me why I am living with him, I will say, “For the sake of my kids!” I don’t want my kids to live without a father or a mother. So, even if we sleep in separate bedrooms, at least they see us both in the same house every day. Some people are advising me to divorce him because they see no benefit with my decision to stay with him. What do you say? Is divorce better, especially for my kids?
A4P: Divorce has never been better than anything. And kids need both their parents.
As you can imagine, lots of questions are running in my mind. What went wrong for you guys to get to this point? Have you ever sought help? What were your contributions for your marriage to get to this point? And more questions.
I saw married couples living together for the sake of their kids after they ended their marriages. They have agreed up on terms such as, not to bring their opposite sex friends to the house and to contribute money to take care of their kids. This is like “contractual relationship for a goal,” to live together until kids grow up and leave the house.
This is possible only with people of this world but for the followers of Jesus Christ? I don’t think so unless we write another Bible.
You said, you two are Christians. So, I don’t know where your marriage is going to fit in the word of God.
You see, our kids need not only our physical presence but they also need to see our healthy way of doing life/marriage. If you guys decide to live under the same roof but live as enemies, how are you going to benefit your kids?
Our kids get nurtured and protected mentally, physically and spiritually by our love and care for one another, doing life in the way that is appropriate for a Christian.
While we do our own lives, we also impact and influence our kids’ future, their perspectives in God, the word of God, marriage and life in general.
How are you going to nurture your kids by fighting with your husband every day and sleeping in different bedrooms? How are you going to impact and influence your kids’ future by doing marriage and life like that?
Please understand me. I am not judging you here. I am trying to show you the realities.
So, I advise you to seek help/counseling, just for yourself so you will be able to see yourself first. Then if your husband is willing to work on his marriage, ask him to join you.
I don’t advise anyone to live together like enemies in their marriages and deceive themselves by saying, “I am living in my marriage for my kids’ sake.” There is no such kind of thing. It’s like saying, “I stop exercising and start eating fat and carbohydrate high foods to lose weight.”
Please, if you truly love your kids, seek help.
And by the way, having healthy marriage primarily benefits you and your husband. Your kids, once they turn 18, they leave your home and start their own lives. Make sure you work on your marriage for your own sake. ///