Some young Christians still think that sex before marriage is the story of old.
I personally don’t blame most of these people because they only know this: “Sex before marriage is a sin. Do not do it!”
Okay, for a 21 year old people, this statement actually says, “Go ahead and have sex because it is fun!” Duh!
What they need to know is, “Why sex before marriage is a sin.”
Even though I won’t dare to say with full confidence that I could show you why, in this short post, sex before marriage is a sin, let me at least scratch the surface if I may so you can do further readings on it.
So, let’s first see one common scenario as an example, a kind that I frequently encounter with in this ministry:
A couple, while they were dating, they kept on putting themselves in a very tempting environment. Their relationship didn’t start that way. Both of them had clear boundaries when it comes to sexual purity and they communicated that clearly but they let one compromise creep into their relationship. One compromise led to the other, one day they dared to be alone in one room. They thought that all this “Do not kiss before marriage” kind of thing was just being legalistic and decided to kiss; and continued to kiss every time they see each other. They started kissing to the point of having an “orgasmic feeling” and they loved it. The fact that they felt that way without doing the actual sex gave them comfort to move on with their kissing business and other stuff.
They ignored everything they taught and knew to be true because they found themselves hooked in “pleasure of sin.” Their soul and spirit were witnessing to their conscience that what they were doing was wrong but they encouraged each other to remain in it. So at the end, few months into their wedding, they decided to do sex. Their experience was off the roof. They felt like they were born all over again. They, for a moment, thought that they were “ruptured” to another beautiful world and came back. They even wanted to write a book or start a blog to write and share with others what sex is all about. They saw each other as if they were hand-picked by God to be together. They felt like they wanted to “announce” with a mega-phone to whole world what had happened in that secluded area.
So they rushed through their wedding ceremony and rushed to their hotel room they rented for their one week honeymoon stay.
Then the unthinkable happened! To their surprise, they found out that the husband couldn’t even perform. The bride lost all her curiosity and enthusiasm to be with the man she thought could sexually satisfy her for the rest of her life.
How can this be possible?
When unmarried people choose to do sex before they get married, they are stealing the sex from God, each other, their pastors/ministers and from their families and friends. They know that they are stealing the sex because they are hiding it from everybody (but of course they can’t hide it from God). That tension of being hidden from others creates excitement in their body. That excitement calls for the notorious players in the game called “fight-or-flight” hormones.
These hormones, in addition to the known “cuddle hormones” and sex hormones, get involved in the stolen sexual activity.
I love to call this sexual activity as: “Double-Dose-packed-sex”.
In most similar scenarios where a couple steals sex before marriage and heads to marriage, the triple or quadruple dosed sex disappears (from day one or after few months into marriage). Why? They are married now and they are not stealing the sex; everybody knows that they are having sex, even their pastor knows that; there is no excitement on seeing each other’s naked body anymore because this is the body they are going to see for the rest of their lives. So, sex becomes the hardest work of all things. Their sexual part of life becomes one of their daily house chores. (At this point some couples decide to resort to inviting porn into their bedroom just to jazz up their bedroom story – that is like calling the devil to destroy them and their marriages!)
There is nothing wrong to the hormones but nobody can maintain that high dosed sex every time sex happens. For those multiple hormones to come out at the same time, the sex has to be stolen and the body they are seeing has to be new EVERY TIME. Do you see the danger of it all?
The body that is addicted to this “highly dosed sex” demands to have change of person, environment, and other unthinkable things to get involved in the sex so that they always stay in that “high state.”
Remember, we are not created for this kind of highly dosed sex because it is dangerous for our blood, organs mainly heart, kidney and dangerous mainly for our brain which is the very important organ for sex.
My friend, let’s believe God in this that He will never hold anything that is good for us! Whatever He already gave us is EXCELLENT AND ENOUGH for us!
The highly dosed sex is a very addictive sex. People who are addicted to this kind of sex detach love and honor from the sex and they tend to see the person they are doing sex with as “a sex object”. The honorable man will act “like the beasts that perish.” (Psalm 49:12, 20)
Couples, who are involved in a premarital sex, have to seek the counsel of a spiritual person to whom they can confess their sin and repent of their sinful deeds. Doing so before they get married will give them a chance to start as fresh, learning how to have pure and healthy sex. Their body, especially their brain, has to learn how to respond to normal sexual stimuli. Of course it requires patience on their part since this takes time.
When people, (mainly men) who are addicted to “double-dosed sex,” find themselves in a marriage, they find it hard to enjoy their lives. They may do everything to keep the marriage but they mainly find it hard to enjoy their marital sex. They want to go around looking for that high dosed sex. That means, infidelity might be their number one marital problem and make themselves a target to an adulteress woman.
The adulteress woman whose husband went to a business trip is inviting another man to sleep with her like this: “Stolen water is sweet; food eaten in secret is delicious!” Proverbs 9:17
Let me change this verse a bit so to bring the message home: Stolen sex is sweet; sex taken in secret is delicious.
Because it is highly dosed, stolen sex is exceptionally sweet and delicious BUT ONLY FOR A SEASON. The purely dosed sex is beyond sweet and delicious; it is pleasurable for a season and for a lifetime without involving any guilt, shame, stress, despair, depression, etc.
Before I close this article, let me share with you, how a sexually pure bride is inviting and enticing her man for sex:
“Awake, north wind,
and come, south wind!
Blow on my garden,
that its fragrance may spread everywhere.
Let my beloved come into his garden
and taste its choice fruits.” (Song of Songs 4:16)
She is an amazingly romantic girl who knows her man well to take care of him in the side he needs to be taken care of.
She is enticing and sexually seducing her husband at the presence of the Holy of hollies! That kind of enticement is not only sweet and delicious but extremely fulfilling at the soul, spirit and body level; giving pleasure that lasts, not only for a moment or season but also for a lifetime. ///