“What do you do with shy men?”

A4P Guest: I am 25 years old and I am one of those active members in our church. I am involved at least in two ministries and I think I consider my Christian walk with Christ good and healthy.
 
A4P: Good. So, what is your question for me?

 
A4P Guest: Okay, so, there is this guy in my church. He too serves in the church and we usually work together. I am very much attracted to him and I think, but I am not sure, he is attracted to me. The problem is, I think, he is shy. I mean, what do you do with shy men?
 
A4P: Make your question specific for me so I won’t miss your main question.
 
A4P Guest: He is shy, you know. There were lots of opportunities for him to ask me.
 
A4P: To ask you what? Don’t leave me with my assumptions.
 
A4P Guest: You know, for a date or something.
 
A4P: Choose one:  For a date or for something else?
 
A4P Guest: For a date.
 
A4P: Okay, I get it. So, you are attracted to him and you think he is attracted to you but he doesn’t seem like he is going to take the first move anytime soon. Am I right?
 
A4P Guest: Yes!
 
A4P: Quick question: So, what are the signs that you saw in me that made you believe or think that he is attracted to you?
 
A4P Guest: He always walks me home after the service, he calls me at least three or four times a week, and some of his phone calls, you can tell that he has absolutely no reason to call me but he usually makes up one.
 
A4P: Hmm! I think I agree with you to believe that unless this guy is one of those rude men who are careless for woman’s feelings and emotions. While they have nothing to do, they call and talk to a girl for five hours. Let’s hope that he is not one of them. So, why don’t you say to him something like: “So, what do we call our relationship?” Or, “Where is our relationship heading into?”
 
A4P Guest: Oh, no! No way!
 
A4P: Why not?
 
A4P Guest: What if he says, “Our relationship doesn’t go anywhere! What made you ask that question?” If he says something like that, I will be embarrassed and I may not even want to go to church again.
 
A4P: Really? So, my question for you is then: How much do you want to make this guy yours?
 
A4P Guest: Very much so!
 
A4P: Then, forget about what is going to happen to you. Just go to him and say this (I mean, of course pray for wisdom before you go to him): “Hey, I was just wondering these days about our relationship. I am sure we are not just walking up and down for no reason. So, it will be good for both of us to label our friendship correctly and make things official and clear.” Remember, don’t have that “TOO SERIOUS” look on your face or say those words as a joke. He is a shy man means, he is very sensitive for all kinds of extreme emotions. For example, don’t look at his eyes when you say those words. But it is okay if he sees you being nervous because shy men feel powerful and courageous to speak in front of a shy woman. But I am not saying here, “Fake shy!” Don’t! I am just saying that since it is a bit tricky for a woman to approach a man for a relationship, you may have some nervousness and it is okay to have that. It is healthy. But remember, if you are very serious, the guy may have panic attacks or pass out, I am not kidding. So, be wise. Yes, I agree with you that you have to do something about this thing because it is not good for you to stay long in this kind of unpredictable or “yo-yo” kind of relationship. Speak the truth, give him a chance to tell you the truth. The truth may hurt or give you joy but either way, the truth will set you free.
 
A4P Guest: What if he says something like, “We are just friends. What are you thinking?”
 
A4P: Say to him, “Okay dude, I can’t just continue walking with you up and down, talking to you on the phone for hours and replying to your endless text messages for no reason. I have feeling for you and if you have no feeling for me, I think it is better for me to move on with my life.” Remember, don’t be too serious but be firm. Don’t baby him even if you know that he is shy.
 
A4P Guest: What if he says, “Okay, move on with your life. Bye!”
 
A4P: I doubt it. I don’t think any man says like that to a girl but if the worst comes to worse, means, if he says even more mean things to you than that, just grief your loss and move on with your life. I know it is tough but in the long run, I think it is better for you to live with the truth than lies, with your dreams. And you never know, while you are keeping your eyes on him, another guy might be interested in and following you. So, be smart.
 
This is what I think you need to do. Maybe you need to ask advice from other people and see what they have to say. I know it is tough but you can do it. All the best! ///