Not The Other Man

For some reason, I am meeting lots of married young women who are entangled in extra-marital relationships and most of these beautiful women don’t even realize it until it is tooooo late.

After counseling a number of these women, I arrived to some of the early signs of an extra-marital affairs that I find to be very common in most of these women and I want to share them with you.

So, if you are a wife of one man, it is good to be aware of SOME of these early signs of an affair: (“he or him” refers to the other man, other than your husband)

  1. You have a desire to talk to “him” even when you are at home,
  2. You feel like “he” understands you more than anybody especially when you share with him about your marital problems,
  3. You tend to ask him to pray for you and your family, “Please pray for my son, he has a cold”
  4. You want to text him for a very silly reason, “Oops! I forgot what time I need to be there for a meeting tomorrow,” while you know the time very well,
  5. You always want to adorn yourself to impress “him,” making sure you wear his favorite color clothes,
  6. You feel like you need to take care of “him” so “he” won’t get hurt; like taking extra lunch to work so “he” can eat with you,
  7. When people confront you about “him,” you get upset with them and say, “OMG! He is a godly man! He is like my brother!”
  8. You think about “him” more often than you want to admit,
  9. You get agitated and irritated whenever your husband wants to discuss with you about any minor or major issues,
  10. You kneel down and try to pray but you find it hard to focus on God.

If any of the above signs describe you, bear in mind my two cents worth advice.

The word of God says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy” (John 10:10a)

Before the enemy gets what he wants, stop and turn around 180 degree and run for your life. Yes, your marriage may not be a kind of marriage that you want to fight for. I understand. Your husband may not be romantic, caring and loving as you always want him to be. You might have told him one thousand times how to love you, how you two need to spend time together, alone, but he always turned a deaf ear. I get it but extra-marital relationship CANNOT be an answer for this.

This other “man” is a fairy tale. He only exists in your fantasy world. He is not real. His sweetness, niceness and flawless characters are not real. Your frustration and desperation to have that perfect man created them all in your mind. Since “he” is not real, “he” always supersedes your man in all aspects of life.

Please listen to me carefully: You wouldn’t let your heart go astray like this if you had an intimate relationship with Christ. So, first run to the Shepherd of your life, to Jesus Christ. He knows what is going on with you. He won’t condemn you nor judge you. He understands you and may say, “Be still and know that I am God!” (Psalm 46:10)

Yes, revive your prayer life. Open your Bible and ask God to speak to you. Yes, sin has a power to blind your eyes and mind from understanding the word of God but just cry before God to heal your blindness so you can see and understand the word of God all over again. Pour out your heart before God. You may go to church but I bet you, you have no meaningful relationship with anyone. It is okay. God will restore that too but you first run to Him.

Then run to spiritual people who can help you, who can hear and understand your pain. Yes, “God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.” (1 John 1:5b) God brightens up your life.

Jesus said, “I am the resurrection and the life.” (John 11:25a) Jesus gives life to your dead marriage. He resurrects that which is dead.  Power belongs to Him alone, not to the “other man.”

This is what I am trying to tell you in short: JESUS IS THE ANSWER for your marriage and life, not that “other man.” You get nothing out of another man but dirt; but from Jesus, you find the Way that leads to the Truth, then the Truth leads you to the Life that you always long to have (John 14:6).

May God help you! ///