A4P Guest: I’m a new mother. I gave birth to a cute boy; he is now seven months old. I was happy with my marriage until recently. I lost interest for sex. I know what you may think, postpartum depression PPD). I don’t know how to tell you this but I think my husband is having a problem when it comes to sex.
A4P: What do you mean?
A4P Guest: He is not as he used to.
A4P: You mean, he used to ask for sex often but not anymore?
A4P Guest: Something like that.
A4P: What do you mean “Something like that?” Tell me exactly what you think is the problem.
A4P Guest: You see, we’ve been married now for six years and my husband is sixteen years older than me.
A4P Guest: I don’t know if we are starting to experience the effect of this age gap thing in the area of sex.
A4P: Oh, okay. I think I got you now and I pray God helps you hear me clearly.
Remember, not being happy with sex in a marriage is not a ground for divorce. I want to put this out of the way before I say anything. You may entertain the idea of divorce in your heart. If so, shun this thought away as soon as possible. If this thought is lingering in your heart, it saps the life out of you and you won’t get energy and motivation to work on your marriage.
And I am going to assume something here: Porn is not involved in all this and I will see this situation as one of life circumstances.
So, you see, marriage is not all about sex, but intimacy, intimacy with your husband in every area of life, including sex. And this intimacy needs work.
And this work can only be done primarily by this one principle:
“Treat others the same way you want them to treat you.” (Luke 6:31)
Just imagine yourself for a second being a man, specifically, your husband. Not being able to perform sexually is a killer for a husband (notice, I didn’t say for “a man” but for “a husband” – big difference especially in this specific situation). When a husband can’t meet his wife’s sexual needs, his inability crashes his bones and spirit. He doesn’t even want to talk about it. He may want to totally avoid the topic and he may even run away from you when he feels like he is going to be alone with you. So, instead of seeing this situation from your side, try to see it from his side. And you are not helping him in any way or form by bringing the age difference into this equation. There is nothing you can do about that now. Instead try your best to join him in his struggle. Remember, he is not a woman, but a man, means, he may not want you to ask him like, “Okay, tell me what you think is the cause of all this.” It doesn’t work for him. Even if he wants to tell you, he may not be able to put it in words. Instead, do everything you can to show him that you need him more than sex. Just give yourself over to God on behalf of your husband (Philippians 2:3). Abandon your needs and desires for some time so you can focus on his.
Remember, this season of life might be tough for you but it is a good season for you to invest and infuse that unconditional, tested, pure, sincere and genuine love into your husband’s heart. You can’t do this by yourself but with the help of the Holy Spirit. That means, spend as much time as you can before God in prayer. Your marriage and your faith in God are being tested now. So, stay focused in prayer!
Let me say this: This problem may go away soon or may linger for sometimes, or even for a long time; but after everything is said and done, know that marriage is not all about sex but, against all odds, becoming one flesh with your husband until death do you part. ///