First of, on this page, there is no discussion of sex outside of marriage. Sex outside of marriage, according to the Bible is, sinful, dirty, shameful, dangerous to our soul, spirit and body as it degrades the honorable nature of a human being who is created by the image and likeness of a holy God. So, any discussion of sex on this page is in the context of marriage between one man and one woman. That being said, let me jump into the most radical message in the area of one of the most commonly seen sexual misunderstandings between a husband and a wife.
We know that men and women are different. I mean, however much we think we are modernized, educated and sophisticated, there is one truth we can’t deny, i.e. men and women are different. I’m not talking about the husband being a night owl and the wife being an early bird. I mean those differences can drive a couple crazy too but I’m talking about sexual wiring differences.
Those kinds of differences sometimes make you secretly ask this question: “Is this person really created on this planet or does this person come from a different planet?” (I mean, men are more guilty of asking this question than women, that is for sure)
My! My! My! Does God have a good sense of humor! Yes, He does! Yeah, the sexual wiring of a woman and a man can drive a couple crazy!
“Most husbands choose to have sex in the morning than in the evening,” – one wife heard this statement coming from a PhD psychologist and she asked, “But what is wrong with my husband who demands sex at 2am when he comes home from his late night shift work?”
The psychologist calmly replied, “Ma’am, 2am is morning. Morning starts after mid-night.”
I don’t know about you but I laughed too hard when I heard this story for the first time because it has some truth. Sure as the psychologist said, most husbands choose to have sex in the morning than in the evening; not all, but most. (Of course some husbands are okay to have sex around the clock.)
In the contrary, most wives want and enjoy sex in the evening.
Where do these differences come from?
Well, for men, it is believed that it is because of the higher level of testosterone which runs in their blood in the morning than in the evening. Isn’t God good for making those hormones run high in the morning, so that our men go to work and work hard so that we will have food on our table and roof over our heads?
“What about wives? Is there a story of hormone with them as well for them to want sex in the evening?”
Maybe so but for women, here is the major issue: Women desire intimacy more than they desire sex itself; (well, men love the sex itself; women love everything that leads up to the sex because sex for them is more of an emotional need than physical).
After a long day, after running up and down with little kids (or by herself), cleaning, washing and cooking and working outside the home (if she is not a stay-at-home mom), a wife waits for her husband to come home and lift her spirit up as he desires her intimately. That intimacy says to her, “Even if you are tired and knocked out, you are still pretty and attractive.” And she needs that emotional boost for her to go to asleep saying to herself, “After all, I am an okay mom and wife.”
For the man, early in the morning, when he is ready to go out and conquer the world, the one thing he desires is a boost of “You are the man!” from his wife in intimate way! His sexual performance affirms his manhood in ways nothing in life can. He doesn’t worry that much about his sexual performance in the morning because his BFF (best-friend-forever), testosterone, runs high in his blood.
Well, this difference can be tough for a couple to deal with but it is only tough if one of the couple throws in the towel and gives up on the sex department of their marital life. Oh, no, that won’t bring any solution.
There must be a solution and the solution, I think, is this: Every married couple needs to sit and talk about this issue over a cup of coffee or tea (without kids around), without raising their voice, without being emotional and taking anything personal. They both need to have an understanding of each other’s sexual wiring; and they have to come up with a workable plan and solution; such as saying: “Okay, let’s try our best to have sex on weekends both in the evenings and mornings and for the rest of the week, we can – – -” whatever works for their unique marriage.
Whenever I address this issue during a marriage seminar, some wives say to me, “But I love spontaneous sex, not sex with appointment!”
This is my reply:
“Insane! Spontaneity goes down the drain after one or two years of marriage or after kids invade your life.
So, forget spontaneity! Get over it! Grieve over your honeymoon season and get used to reality. You have to consciously and purposely plan to have sex. And when you do, don’t focus on your needs; but on your spouse’s needs.
Remember the Golden Rule? It goes like this: “do to others what you would have them do to you” Matthew 12:7. If you follow this rule, all your needs, including your sexual needs, will be met by God.”
So, if we can agree to come to this understanding, we can safely say: “Sex is good both in the evening and in the morning” without offending anyone! ///
P. S. A4P celebrates its three-year anniversary on Monday, October 31, 2016; and as part of the celebration, we will re-post some of the earlier posts so that people who joined us recently will get a chance to read them. The above post is from 2014.