If Your Wife Says This – – –

If a Woman says First of all_n

Someone dropped this poster in my inbox and I laughed very hard. Why? It has some truth.

When an argument or a conflict erupts between a husband and a wife, I believe a man has to be very wise from which side he has to present his case.

Most of us women are very good at remembering events that happened ten or twenty five years ago; but not our husbands. We can remember because we tend to “tag” every event with emotion; which is a big help for our brain to retrieve past stories quickly and very easily. Our men, on the other hand, usually don’t tag events with “Oh, my! I love that!” Or “Aww! That is awesome!” Or, “My! That deeply hurt my feeling and I don’t think I will ever forget it” kind of emotion. So, it is easy for them to forget it.

So, when a wife comes up with, “First of all, remember what you said to me in front of your sister seven years ago,” the husband’s brain spins in all directions because he most likely doesn’t remember a thing.

The best thing for a husband to do during an argument, I think, is to listen to his wife’s all “I can’t believe you said that and do you remember what you also said to me last year” kind of emotionally charged statements and to respond to her something like, “Please forgive me for hurting you that way and I will try my best never to do it again. And please remember this: I love you very much!” (of course, this may not end the argument; just to show the general approach.)

You see, that is why the Bible says this to husbands (don’t you love the Word of God? I do!). Listen:

“Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them (with your wives) according to knowledge – – -” (1 Peter 3:7a)

According to knowledge! What knowledge? Knowledge that tells you that your wife is more emotionally wired than you, so be very careful when you deal with her.

How do you walk around a charged electric wire? Just like that.

That being said though, a wise wife won’t set out to win an argument but her husband. So, she doesn’t use many words and doesn’t bring history of the past. Rather, she deals with the current issue with respectful words such as: “I know that you have good intentions when you said that but those words hurt my feeling.”

She doesn’t blame him; she doesn’t corner him; rather, she puts herself in the most humble place possible for him to see her pain.

Sometimes we women win arguments but lose our men. Our wiring might be good at remembering past events but our wiring is also good at tactfully winning our men’s heart with a respectful and winsome approach. (1 Peter 3:1)

Remember, the Bible doesn’t say, “The foolish husband tears his house down with his own hands;” rather it says: “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” (Proverbs 14:1) ///