“I thought I loved her but – – -”

A4P Guest: “I’m a 25-year-old man. I am one of the solo singers in my church. I graduated from university with my first degree in electrical engineering last year and I am currently working on my profession. I wanted to start a brand new life this year. The problem is, a year ago; I made the most serious mistake of my life. I slept with one of the girls who sing in our church choir. She is very pretty and loves God like nobody else. The next day, I went to her and asked her forgiveness and we both cried before God. Then I went to one of the ministers in our church and told him the whole story. He counseled both of us and told us to stay away from ministry for three months which we both did. Throughout those three months, I was fasting and praying and going for counseling with this particular minister who restored my life. The thing is, Missy, I don’t want to have any relationship with the girl I slept with. I know you may judge me here for saying that but please hear me well first. I thought I loved her but after that incidence; I didn’t even want to see her. Whenever I see her, I remember the whole episode which I don’t want to remember in my life. I lusted after her and the consequence of my lust had been the most painful experience of my life. She wanted to continue to have a relationship with me saying that I was her first. She cried on me lots of times. I couldn’t open my mouth to tell her that I have no love for her. Oh, God, please help me. I know I sinned against her, the church and God; but I can’t punish myself by marrying her for what I did. I have interest to neither marry nor have any relationship with her. Please Missy, understand me. Two of her sisters quoted the story of King David’s Son, Amnon, who slept with his sister, Tamar (2 Samuel 13), and later despised her and how God punished him. But our case is not like that. I didn’t rape her. We both agreed to do it and we both made the stupidest mistake of our lives. Even if I struggle to forgive myself, I can’t force myself to marry her against my desire. Everybody thinks that I have another relationship with another girl for rejecting her but I don’t and I don’t think I will have any relationship with any girl soon. I want to first find myself. Please advise me how to communicate this with her without hurting her.”

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