“I Dated My Girl Online for Three Years Now”

A4P Guest: I lived outside of Ethiopia since 2000. Last time I went back home was in 2011. I met this amazing girl at that time and fell in love with her instantly. We couldn’t spend much time together since I had to come back in short period of time. Before I went for vacation, I told my friends that I was going to meet my future wife and told them that I wouldn’t touch her except shaking her hands and that was exactly what I did. It’s been more than three years now and we are still together. We are actually more in love now than back then. I’m planning to bring her down here anytime soon. My eyes are dying to see her. I missed her so much. My question is when she arrives here, she only has me. I don’t want to sin against God and I’m a bit worried. I don’t even know if I can kiss her before we get married. I’ve already made my mind to propose to her. I just want to know if we can start kissing after I propose to her. What do you think about that?

A4P: Well, I don’t know if you read my articles I wrote about the risky business of online dating. I hope you are aware of that. When you know and love a person online for a long time, make sure you know that you are in love with the virtual person, not with the real one. Once you bring her where you are, you have to go through a process many went through; that is, trying to know and fall in love with the person they thought they have known and loved. Why? Virtual world is a very tricky world; and it is sometimes hard or impossible to bring or translate virtual world into the real one. Those two worlds tend to collide head on especially when it comes to dating and marriage. Virtual person tend to be just perfect, without flaws and imperfection. If you happen to notice any imperfection or flaws of a person virtually, you may actually find yourself being attracted to those flaws because they don’t directly affect you. You may actually think that you are created to solve and fix them very easy.

Very, very tricky world! Okay, that was a side note and I know you didn’t ask me that but I didn’t want to leave that out since it is something I see it almost every day.

About “starting to kiss her after proposing to her”, hmm, I am sure you are not talking about kissing her on her forehead and hugging her but you are referring here the real kissing which includes exchanging saliva (I have to spell it out that way since most of us don’t tend to see kissing as it is. All movies and TV shows have conditioned our mind so we see kissing as shaking hands. However kissing is not like shaking hands. It is more than that. Kissing is a “mini-sex,” it is part and parcel of a wonderful sexual union of one man and one woman. So, don’t try to take it out of its legitimate place, marriage.)

If you waited this long, why don’t you wait until she becomes your wife LEGALLY? I know it is tough but it is worth the wait.

While you are waiting to marry her, I hope you strive to keep yourself mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually pure from all sexual activities (1 Corinthians 6:18). I said, “I hope” because some people say, “I didn’t touch her up until our wedding day,” but they later tell me that they were engaged in mutual masturbation over Skype. I hope and pray that is not your story. Read the definition of sexual purity on Matthew 5:27-28, Ephesians 5:3 and 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8.

Remember, true love waits (1 Corinthians 13:4-8). True love is from God and God is love (1 John 4:8). And the Spirit of God who lives in You does everything according to the Word of God because He is love. He is actually the One who nudged you to ask this question. This kind of question cannot come from the devil or the flesh but from the Holy Spirit.

My brother, until she becomes your wife legally, she is your sister in Christ. And what foolishness and sinful act it would be if you kiss and exchange saliva with your sister!

The Bible says: “- – – Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.” (1Timothy 5:1b-2)

Did you hear that? Treat younger women as your sisters “with ABSOLUTE PURITY.” Don’t forget that. May the grace and mercy of God help you to live for His glory! ///