After my Berhan and I met for the first time, we didn’t start dating right away. I was busy with my school work and didn’t have time for other stuff. So, I was only willing to talk to him over the phone. I always had exams to worry about and didn’t accept his “Can I take you out for a cup of tea” requests for more than six months. What were we talking about on the phone then? Well, I used to tell him about my future plan, what I would like to be and most importantly I used to tell him what kind of man I might be interested in to marry. Mind you, I was 17.
Berhan didn’t give a comment or suggestion on my dreams and future plans; he was quietly listening to me. Sometimes, he asked, “Where did you get this idea from?”
I used to read fiction books and my standards were out of this world but he didn’t say, “You are such an unrealistic person” because some of the things I was saying were actually realistic ones and he was careful enough to make note of them all.
For example, the one thing I told him was this: “I want to marry a man who is good in school, with good grades.” I used to stay up the whole night studying to keep all my A’s and school was the most important part of my life.
Berhan was a straight A student, mind you, but he never talked about it. He just let me speak and he listened. And within a month or two, one girl came to me and said, “I heard that you and one nerd guy are dating.” I said, “What? What are you talking about? Who is the nerd?” She said, “Berhan!” First of all, we were not dating; and second, we still don’t know who told her, lol.
I couldn’t wait until that 9pm came for me to ask him. So, he called sharp at 9pm. I picked up the phone and asked him, “Are you a nerd?” He was like, “Huh? What are you talking about?” I said, “Somebody told me that you are a straight A student, are you?” You have no idea how excited I was to hear him say, “Yes!”
Guess what he said instead? He said, “Some people love to spread rumors; don’t just believe them.”
Don’t ask me how but I knew that the rumor was, after all, true and I loved it! Which part of it did I love the most? Well, the fact that he didn’t talk about it; the fact that he even denied it. His reason was, as he told me later, “From what you told me, I knew you wanted to hear about that but I didn’t want you to love my good grades but me.”
Why am I telling you this story? Well, if you are a single man looking for a wife, I want to tell you one thing that turns off a woman: A man who is talking about himself too much!
If you have lots of good achievements under your belt, don’t shove them down her throat. She will find them all out! Don’t talk about them; you don’t have to wave them on her face. What attracts a girl the most is not a man’s ambition and achievements but his interest to know her and listen to her dreams and stories (even the boring ones).
After everything is said and done, most of us women are not attracted to a rich man or a man who has five PhDs but a man who is captivated by our beauty, a man who is interested to listen and pay attention to us. Above all, we women are attracted the most to a man who loves us enough to count us as his achievements, credentials and gold medallions.
The thought for you to dwell on is then this: The relationship between Christ and the Church – Ephesians 5:21-32 ///